I'm Not Sorry
by noodlemamma
Summary: And who am I you ask, I am me, in all my glory, I am Susanna Stackhouse.  Lead singer of the band True Blood.  I'm the stupid girl that decided to tell a whole town to f*** off.  AH, Eric in later chapters, need to set up a bit of the story 1st
1. Chapter 1

I am just a stupid girl, that's all I was ever meant to be. You can ask anyone who knew me, I was nothing to anyone and everyone. It's not that I'm not nice, I just tend to not get along with the majority of the people I meet. I could blame several occurrences in my life for it, but I like to take responsibility for who I've become.

And who am I you ask, I am me, in all my glory, I am Susanna Stackhouse. Lead singer of the band True Blood. I'm the stupid girl that decided to tell a whole town to fuck off.

8888888888888888888

"Pam, where are you?" I yelled walking into her hotel room.

"Yes, Sookie, what has you hollering this time? I was a little preoccupied." I roll my eyes at her as she, oh so subtly, wipes off the corners of her mouth with her middle finger.

"Have you seen this?" I ask as I see Pam's latest conquest, Yvetta, wrapping herself in the bed sheet, all the while scowling at me. It's not my fault I will always be Pam's priority.

"You better fix this Pam, it's what I pay you for!"

"Calm down Sookie. Show me what has you so upset, darling." She says to me before wrapping me up in a reassuring embrace and kissing me tentatively on the mouth. That's enough to send Pam's entertainment stomping out the door. I laugh a little, feeling better as I show Pam the article that had me more then a little pissed off.

_As the band True Blood wraps up their controversial, yet wildly successful world tour here in Shreveport, LA, a coming home of sorts, the local reaction is mixed. Since coming on the music scene the band has been hit hard by religious organizations and the politicians that they keep in office, saying the band is nothing more then a raunchy sex show. Rev Newland has been leading the campaign to stop True Blood from being able to perform here in Shreveport, since the dates of the tour were announced. Much to his dismay, it seems, that not even having God on his side can stop freedom of speech. Rev Newland and his followers plan on attending the concert this Saturday (outside the venue of course) to try to warn those in attendance of their impending doom at the hands of "the devil's own succubus- Susanna Stackhouse." Rev Newland's views have gotten a lot of attention from the small southern communities here in Northern Louisiana. Additional security measures are being put into place for the upcoming performance. Law enforcement has informed the press that there has been a designated area set up for those who plan on attending to protest the performance. They have also called in a special task force that has been trained in crowd control. For those of you who are wondering who will be financial responsible for all of these extra measures, there was a quote left on bands website, by Pamela Ravenscroft, regarding the matter, "True Blood will be paying for all of the fees that are needed to insure that their fans are kept safe from those over zealous, religious nut jobs. It makes you realize just how expensive freedom of speech has become." _

_The band was formed here in Shreveport and all but the lead singer grew up here. Lead singer, Susanna Stackhouse, grew up just outside of Shreveport, in a small town called Bon Temps. The town has emphatically denounced Stackhouse as being nothing but a whore that panders herself for money. The whole town, it seems, fully supports Rev Newland's crusade. With such statements being made, many are curious as to why they would end their tour here amongst so much turmoil, instead of New Orleans. One resident's reaction seems to insinuate that there's more to it then a homecoming for the band itself, but more for an alleged high school romance for Stackhouse herself. _

_"Sookie (referring to Stackhouse's childhood nickname) has never gotten over her high school crush, Bill Compton and I for one think that it's disturbing she thinks she can just come back to town and try to steel my man, just like she tried to do in high school. But she won't be able to sell her brand of filth here." - Lorena (Bon Temps). In response to this claim we were able to contact Bill Compton to ask how he felt about these assumptions regarding Stackhouse and himself. He more then verified that to be the case._

"_Yes, Sookie and I have remained in close contact since her departure from her hometown. She and I have a lot to discuss upon her arrival. She is mine, she always has been mine and always will be mine. It's time for her to come home." _

_We were unable to reach Stackhouse's manager and publicist, Pamela Ravenscroft, who is also reported to be one of Stackhouse's lovers, for comment on these rumors. No one knows what is real and what is only hype regarding Stackhouse's image, some believe that her band mates are also on her ever expanding list of bed mates as well. Possibly another Grace Slick in the making. Being one of the most sought after interviews since she rarely gives them, always sighting that their music speaks for itself and refusing to answer anything regarding herself, stating that the interview is about the band and not her. True Blood is controversy gold with their strong rock presence and suggestive lyrics. Not to mention Susanna Stackhouse's barely there "costumes." Stackhouse has always tended to go for the more liberal view of what a rock star should be. "Sex, drugs and Rock n Roll, baby," has come to be her favorite catch phrase when asked about her behavior while on tour and when questioned about her lifestyle. True Blood may be the band, but it's Stackhouse herself that is the driving force behind their success. And this Saturday thousands of screaming fans, myself included, will be packing it in to see True Blood's sold out concert at Independence Stadium, regardless of the controversy surrounding the performance._

"Sookie I really don't see the problem with this article, it's no different then every other article out there about you and the band." Pam comments as she heads for the bathroom to take a shower.

"I know that, Pam. My problem with the article is the stupid local reactions from that useless slut Lorena and that unfucking believable asshole, Compton. When are those fuckwads going to stop their high school bullshit!" I say as I get into the shower behind her, taking a washcloth with me as I go.

"You know what the solution is. You have been dodging this since your career started. You're going to have to do a real interview, about you, not the band." She takes the washcloth from my hands and starts slowly moving it across my back and shoulders. I know she's doing this to calm my nerves, but I am eager to take back the control.

I turn around to see the smirk on her face, she knows she's winning the argument, but never one to admit to defeat, I lean in to her ear and whisper. "Pam, your bullshit doesn't work on me." I kiss her hard and she moans into my mouth. My hands grab her hips and squeeze. More moaning. They rake up her body until they find her breasts. Ungh, she feels so fucking good. I pinch and tease her nipples, roughly. My mouth moves to her neck so I can listen to her heavy breathing on my neck and in my ear as my fingers slide into her. She is always ready for me. Her wetness is so slick and she feels so good. Just pushing into her has me wanting to taste her. I want to be lost in this sensation, this euphoria. While my fingers are sliding in and out of her slowly I work my mouth down to her nipples, sucking and pulling with my teeth. I listen as her breath hitches and her breathing starts coming in shallow pants. I continue my way down her body until I find her nub. I begin slowly licking and sucking her while my fingers glide quickly in and out of her. Working her faster with my hand and my mouth. My other hand has found my sex and is working it in time with the one I have so deep inside her. Her hands grab my hair and shove my face into her sex, causing me to groan into her hot sex. The vibration is all she needs to send her over to edge. The feeling of her squeezing my fingers as she cums, sends me over the edge to my release. I stand up and kiss her mouth hard. She loves the taste of her cum on my mouth. Mmm, that Pam.

As we're getting dress Pam brings up the subject once again. "Sookie, how long do you think you're going to be able to avoid this?"

"Avoid what Pam?" I smirk at her, knowing exactly what she's talking about.

"Jesus Christ, Sookie! It's not like you to act like such a pussy, what is it about an interview that has you acting so insecure. Don't give me that bullshit about it being all about the band and not you. It's you on that stage, your body, your voice, your words, your vision. I know the guys are all talented or you wouldn't have picked them, but this band is what you created and people want to know about you. Can you really blame them?"

"I have no desire to explain myself to anyone ever again. I had to spend my whole childhood in a fucking box with everyone watching me, making assumptions and telling lies. And now I don't have to play their games. The rest of the world can say and think what they want to about me, but Compton and Lorena don't have the right to exploit me. I don't intend to explain my choices and my life to a world full of judgmental assholes. You know better then to think that the way I live my life is going to be "acceptable" to the public."

Pam's never pushed this hard before and I'm beginning to wonder what she's gettting out of it. So I ask her exactly why she is so adamant about this and what her motives are. Because with Pam there's always a motive. It's how we fucking met for Christ sakes. I thought she was looking for a little slap and tickle, but apparently she had heard Tray, Sam and I play at the bar one night. She approached me for some fun and it wasn't til the next morning when I found her card on the nightstand that I learned she was interested in the band. It was a win/ win for the band anyway. She has her fingers in a lot of pies and knows plenty of people willing to help small time bands get some time in the spotlight all over the country. And without her we wouldn't have had an in with Sophie's record label. I always wondered, though, if that was part of her interview process.

She looks down avoiding eye contact. "Great, Pam, just great. You don't do coy either. Just fucking spill." At this point I head over to the mini bar in the room, pulling out every little damn bottle of gin I can find. I can feel Pam's eyes watching my every move, not judging, she would never do that. I turn to her with my eyebrow raised waiting for her to finish telling me what I am beginning to realize I should be dreading.

"It's Compton's word against yours and now that he's been published its going to gain momentum. If we don't make a statement, I'm afraid of how far things will go. I know your past is your past, but I also know it still bothers you. And if you don't put an end to it now, everyone in that fucking town will tell every goddamn thing they THINK they know about you." She pauses and takes a deep breath, I know where she is going with this and I'm waiting for it, to feel that pain when I hear it. "Sookie, Bartlett is asking for money and I'm afraid of what he's willing to do to get it. And with Compton talking it's only a matter of time before someone gets to Bartlett."

My head is pounding now, just hearing his name makes me shut the fuck down. Before I know it, I've finished all the gin in my glass and make my way out of the room to Tray's room.

PPOV

I pick up the phone knowing exactly where she's headed. He picks up on the 2nd ring, "Tray, she acted exactly like you said, she's on her way to you now. Take care of our girl."

"Fuck Pam! I told you to wait til we were together. Jesus Christ, why couldn't you wait?" Hmm, he seems displeased, but I know he realizes it was inevitable.

"Well Tray, she brought the goddamn article to my room and I thought it was time to let her have a little bit of the reality she seems so intent on hiding from. We can't shelter her forever and we already discussed the need for her to do a more in depth article. She needs this or we aren't going be able to help her."

"We all know she needs this Pam, but would it kill you to ease her into it." Dawson really thinks that after knowing her for 6 years she can't take care of herself. All of them for that matter treat her like glass, but in reality she's tougher then all of them put together. I should know, she's the toughest bitch I have ever known and that's saying something. "How much did she have before she left?"

"Just some gin, 4 or 5 of the little bottles from the mini bar." I hear pounding on Tray's door.

"Tray! TRAY! Open the fucking door, Tray!" Well, at least she's at not at my door. That bitch can be scary!

**They belong to CH**


	2. Chapter 2

SPOV

Tray Dawson is my drummer and oldest friend. We met at a local pub in Shreveport. I was hammered, of course, but I could still recognize the talent I saw on the stage when he played. God, he was gorgeous. Watching the muscles in his arms and neck flex and move was amazing. After the set with his band, I approached him. He was wearing a thin t shirt that was drenched in sweat and a pair of jeans that made everything below the waist so fucking mouth watering, that I just had to touch. It might not have been as acceptable as a handshake, but I never regretted the way I introduced myself to him. I was wearing my tightest fitting black jeans, tucked into my high heeled black boots that came just below my knee and a leather vest sans bra. My boobs were barely contained and it wasn't hard to tell he appreciated to view when I approached with a slight bounce in my step. After firmly planting my hand on his ass and squeezing, (ungh yum), I told him how much I enjoyed watching him perform and introduced myself. "I'm Sookie, by the way, I was hoping you might like to play with me sometime." Cheesy I know, but I was only 20 years old at the time and was ridiculously proud of my word play. He laughed and grabbed my ass in return. He leaned in and spoke in my ear, sending a shiver down my back in the process. "I'm Tray, sugar, and what do you play?" I loved that he was actually replying to my question even with the intended sexual innuendo.

"I'm a singer, maybe we can get a booth and I'll buy you a drink so we can talk." This conversation took place in front of his current band mates, but since we were speaking in one other's ears no one was the wiser about our conversation. Hey, even I have tact and if I was planning on taking their only talent then I had to be somewhat discreet. Tray followed me to a booth after I ordered him a double shot of whiskey and a beer then another gin and tonic for myself. If you are truly wondering how I was able to get served alcohol in a bar at the age of 20, it's simple really, there was a male bartender, Longshadow, and with my barely covered 34DDs on display, ID was not necessary. Apparently, neither was money, since he winked at me and gave me my drinks on the house.

"So Tray I want you in my band." Point blank, easy, no games. He just smiled.

"Well, Sookie, can I at least hear your band play first." I raised an eyebrow at him and got up. I went up on stage, plugged in my guitar and belted out the first song that came to me. Just me, the guitar and the microphone. It was Janis Joplin's "Cry Baby." Then with a nod to the sound guy, he started up the music for my next song. I had already given him my CD with the music on it for later that night so he had gotten it ready for me during my first song. I played my guitar along with the background music coming from the CD and started singing…

_I knew a girl named Nikki_

_I guess you could say she was a sex fiend_

_I met her in a hotel lobby_

_Masturbating with a magazine_

_She said, "how'd you like to waste sometime"_

_And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind_

_She took me to her castle_

_And I just couldn't believe my eye_

_She had so many devices_

_Everything that money could buy_

_She said, "sign your name on the dotted line"_

_The lights went out_

_And Nikki started to grind_

_Ahhh!_

_Nikki!_

_Oh_

_The castle started spinning_

_Or maybe it was my brain_

_I can't tell you what she did to me_

_But my body will never be the same_

_Her lovin' will kick your behind_

_Oh, she'll show you no mercy_

_But she'll sho' 'nough show you how to grind_

_Woke up the next morning_

_Nikki wasn't there_

_I looked all over and all I found_

_Was a phone number on the stairs_

_It said thank you for a fuckin' good time_

_Call me up when you want to grind_

_Ahh! Nikki! Oh… Ahhh! Come back Nikki! Come back!_

When I finished my impromptu 2 song set, everyone was yelling and clapping. "Thank you, I'm Susanna Stackhouse and that was for Tray." I made sure I was looking directly at Tray when I said it and just for fun I licked my lips and winked at him. It was a small little pub so I was able to see him swallow hard as his eyes filled with lust. When I returned to the table I asked if he wanted to go back to his place and "talk".

TPOV

"Tray! TRAY! Open the fucking door Tray!"

"Hey, Sug, you doing okay?" I ask as she barrels into my room and starts reaching into my mini bar.

"I've been better Tray." She's already finished off the 1st bottle and moving on to the 2nd, bitching about the caps being impossible.

I pick her up, take her over to the couch and set her on my lap when I sit down. She grabs onto my neck and hangs on tight not letting go. "You wanna talk about it?" She shakes her head no. We sit there quietly for about an half hour before she sighs deeply, then gets up and heads back over to the mini bar picking up her remaining bottles. "Come on, Sug, you know you don't need that. Come talk to me."

"No, Tray, I'm better, I promise. I'm just trying to relax a little so I can think clearly." She's pouring the rest of the bottles into her glass of ice. I can see her resolve to not to deal with this harden.

"Sook, how is drinking all the gin in your room and mine gonna help you think clearly?" I say taking a big gulp of her drink trying to help her consume some of the alcohol she's so intent on drinking herself, as she sits back down on my lap.

"So I take it you talked to Pam?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

"She called here after you left the room. She just wanted to make sure this was where you were heading."

"Did she tell you about the article?" She sighs.

"We all saw it and we were planning to talk to you about it tonight, together, but Pam jumped the gun when you brought it to her." I am really hoping she takes this in stride and doesn't think we are ganging up on her. She's watching me closely, it's something she does when she's trying to decide whether or not she can trust you. "Come on, Sook, you know we aren't ganging up on you, you can trust us."

"Yeah, Tray, I know that. It's just, sometimes, it gets so confusing in here." She says as she points to her temple. "Hey can you call Sam? I could really go for an herbal remedy right about now." Oddly enough that's a good sign. No one has ever smoked weed til they blacked out, passed out yes, blacked, caused property damage and didn't remember a goddamn thing, no.

"Sure, do you want me to order some room service too? You know you're gonna get hungry." I smile wide at her as she starts humming over what she wants to snack on later. A stoned, philosophical Sookie is better then a drunk, half cocked Sookie any day of the week.

SPOV

I hear Tray call Sam's room as I make my wobbly way to the bathroom. I met Sam in a bathroom about 2 weeks after I met Tray. Yep, alcohol is working my mind begins to wonder. We were at Sam's house for a party since Tray wanted me to listen to a guy he heard that played the guitar and was supposedly what we were looking for.

After heading back to Tray's house the 2 weeks before, he kinda just moved me in. He never really asked, it was a matter of necessity, really. We were so focused on the sound I was trying to get out of my head that I ended up singing and writing music til I passed out and woke up and did it all over again. Luckily for me, Tray thought I had talent and made sure we ate. After the first week he took my hotel key and went to get my clothes and to settle up with the front desk. The next day I noticed that my clothes were hanging up in his closet. It's funny when you think about it. I just kinda showed up in his life and he let me take it over. He was the first person to take care of me in 10 years. And the first that didn't want something off me in return.

_6 years earlier_

_"Sook, get a shower, get dressed, I found our guitar player. Move it." I had been writing and arranging for 2 weeks when Tray announced we were going out. I can play just about any instrument I try, but I can't play them all at once, so a band is a necessary thing._

_After rushing thru a shower and changing into something other then my pjs, I did my hair and makeup and we were out the door. It was 11 by the time we got there and Tray was a little worried we might have missed the guy. He said he'd find us some drinks and hopefully the reason we were here to begin with._

_As soon as he left my side some freaky bald guy wandered over. Now I know with the way I dress I should expect some reaction from people. I drew the line when Mr. Clean decided to not only eye fuck me on his approach, but when he leaned down to deliver what I thought might be an overdone pick up line or hopefully just an introduction he changed direction and licked my cleavage instead. It didn't take much, just a punch to his dick to get him the fuck off of me and on the ground. I had on my red knee high shit kickers and they helped me cut off his air supply when I wedged my foot across his neck. Who cares if he could see up my leather mini skirt, I could see what a lack of oxygen was doing for him. I was staring into his purple eyes when I was grabbed from behind by some big ass, blond guy when Tray showed up._

_"You okay, Sug?" He asked looking me over himself._

_"Yeah Tray, I'm fine. That guy is just another asshole." I looked around for the guy that stopped me from doing anymore damage to the asshat on the ground. But he had disappeared into the crowd._

_"Is she okay? You've got to be fucking kidding me. That bitch almost killed me." Mr. Clean wheezed as he tried to get up off of the floor, holding his throat and his dick. I giggled, what he looked funny. Like he might be having a potty emergency._

_"Shut the fuck up Quinn! What did he do, Sook?" How on earth does Tray know this guy, he better not be the guitar guy we're looking for._

_"He decided to introduce himself by licking me... across my boobs." Well, that definitely got a reaction out of Tray. And I couldn't help but smile as Mr. Clean was very forcibly ejected from the party by Tray's boot up his ass._

_When Tray returned, I finally got my much needed drink. "Tray, that had better not have been the guitar player we're here to see."_

_"What, no, of course not. That was Quinn, he always ends up getting thrown out of these parties and its usually for the same thing, getting too personal with a chick, but you were the 1st girl to put him down. I would say he's learned his lesson, but the guy is dumb." I laughed at Tray's accurate assessment and hope that I never have to deal with Quinn again._

_After an hour and several drinks, I really needed to pee. I left Tray talking to some other guy named Chow something or something Chow. I attempted to make my way to the bathroom as elegantly as possible, but all I can say is I had many, many drinks and my boots were feeling mighty heavy right about then, so there was nothing sexy or graceful about my walk, at all. I did make it to the bathroom so there's that. Its just that in my intoxicated state I didn't notice the other occupant in there. I was already sitting on the toilet, skirt pulled up around my waist, sighing in relief as I peed. It wasn't til I heard the pull of the carb on the bong and the bubbling of the water that I realized I had an audience. Well I did what I thought was appropriate and introduced myself._

_"Hey I'm Sookie and you are?" I held my hand out. He just sat there and stared like he wasn't sure if I was a figment of his imagination. Maybe he was a figment of my imagination. Maybe I fell down Alice's rabbit hole. I had already met Tweedle Dumbest, so maybe this was the caterpillar. Hmmm, maybe. So I finished up my business and washed my hands. When I was done he passed me the bong so I hit it good and hard and he smiled wide when I didn't choke. I was incredibly tempted to ask who r u, but decided to share my hit instead. And after shot gunning my hit into his mouth he finally spoke._

_"Are you really here?" To which I raised an eyebrow in response and asked if any of us were truly here. He got really excited then and was nodding his head yes so hard I thought it might just roll off of his shoulders. "I'm Sam by the way."_

_"You're who I came to see then, right?" No answer. "This is your house right, Sam?" He looked stunned and maybe a little paranoid. Let's try again. "Do you play the guitar by any chance?"_

_"Are you a psychic?" Well that definitely deserved a giggle and I am really beginning to wonder how much he has smoked and if I should be concerned if there was something else in that bong other then weed. Maybe Tray can solve this predicament. So I grab him by the hand and drag him out to Tray._

_Tray looked a little shocked to see me towing who I believed to be the guitar guy we've been waiting for. "Tray, this him?" Tray nods yes, still trying to figure out how I found the guy._

_Sam decides to speak again. "Hey Tray, do you see her too?" Tray is chuckling quietly and shaking his head at Sam._

_"Yeah man, this is Sookie, the singer I told you about." Sam's eyes get really big at this info and I'm really starting to question Tray's opinion of whether or not he understands what we're looking for in a guitar player._

_"Yeah man, I'll do it, I'd follow her anywhere." I give Tray a dirty look at that comment. This guy is like some kind of man puppy. Tray, himself, seems really shocked to here Sam's willingness to join the band. And I vaguely remember hearing Chow saying Sam was a long shot because he didn't believe being in a band was organic to the sound. Whatever that means._

_"Sam, wanna get your guitar and show Sookie what you can do?" He was off like a shot, like someone threw a ball and he just had to go get it. I'm really not trying to be mean, I've just never really met a guy like Sam and he's making it so easy. He was just so eager to please, it kinda freaked me out. I looked at Tray and he was still laughing quietly. "Well that was easy."_

Even after all my reservations Sam was exactly what we were looking for. The boy could play anything and everything. He may be a little bit out there, but it's not exactly like I can claim sane.

**THEY ARE CH's**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_Where the hell am I…_

_Why do I feel so heavy… I can't make my voice work…_

_I can't move… _

_I can't see anything… everything is so dark… I hear shuffling…_

_God, there's someone here… _

_What are they doing… … oh god… get off me…_

_Please let someone hear me… _

_Jesus Christ get him off of me… _

_Why is this happening… get me out of here… someone help me please… this can't be happening to me… _"GET OFF ME!"

"Sookie."

My body starts moving… kicking… punching… fighting… I have to get out of here. My fist finally lands on something solid. I'm sucking in air and shaking, my face is wet with sweat and tears. I can't move my hands.

"Fuck!" I hear someone cursing, then I hear Tray.

"Sookie, can you hear me, Sug? You gotta wake up."

I open my eyes to see Tray holding my fists and blood coming from a cut below his eye. Sam's standing behind Tray looking not only worried, but terrified.

"What happened to you?" Reality seeps in and I realize I'm what happened. It was a nightmare. "Shit, Tray, I'm so sorry. You okay?" God, he looks so worried. I hate it when he looks at me like that, like I'm broken, not my hand, but me. I remember Sam and I getting ridiculously stoned and eating our weight in hotel food before passing out next to Tray on his bed, while the 3 of us watched Dazed and Confused for the millionth time. Tray gently lets go of my fists after he's done checking them for injuries and is sure that I'm not going to hit him again. There's a loud knock on the door that startles all of us. Sam goes to see who it is and returns quietly with Alcide.

"Hey, what's everybody up to in here? Tray, what happened to your eye?" Alcide asks once he enters the room. "What did you do to piss Sookie off bad enough that she popped you one?" I watch the smile leave his face as he takes in my appearance and the mood in the room. "Will someone tell me what's going on please? Why does Sookie look like she's seen a ghost and what happened to Tray's eye?"

"Sookie had a nightmare. Why don't you and Sam wait in the other room and we'll be out there in a minute." God, I feel like I'm in a fish bowl. Tray may have been talking to the 2 other people in the room, but his eyes never leave mine. Both Sam and Alcide agreed to leave by nodding yes, but their eyes never leave us and they didn't move til Tray spoke again, zapping them out of their trance. "Guys, now."

I could tell Alcide was worried and wanted to stay, but Sam volunteered to fill him in when they got into the other room. Sam gave me a week smile as he closed the door behind them.

Tray reached out to touch my shoulder, but I flinched away and watched his hand fall helplessly. His look of concern changes to one of hurt before he looks down at his hands and whispers, "Sook, you know I won't hurt you. I'd never hurt you."

"Tray." I wait till he looks up to continue. "It's just a gut reaction, I didn't mean to. I know you'd never hurt me."

"Do you Sook, because I don't believe you really feel that way. If you did you'd tell me what that was about. We've been friends for 6 years and every time these nightmares start happening, instead of reaching out to me or anyone, you close yourself off more. I know I said I'd never push you to tell me, but damn it Sook, if it's not me you talk to then maybe you should talk to someone else. You need some help with this." God, I can't do this now. He can see that I'm getting angry. He takes a deep breath and slowly reaches for my hand, I let him take it. "Sook, hiding out isn't helping. Talking about it could make it better, but I can't help if you won't let me in."

"Can I think about it?" I just want out of this conversation and this room. My skin feels like its crawling. I look at him, pleading for him to just let it go.

"Yeah," he sighs, "yeah, Sook, you can think about it, but please really think about it. The last time the nightmares started up we got stuck with Alcide." He smiles a little at his joke and I feel guilty for just saying what he wants to hear. I pat his uninjured cheek before I get off of the bed, then head to the bathroom to take a shower.

When I reach the bathroom I turn on the light and start the shower. Without looking in the mirror I get undressed and climb into the shower under the hot water. I close my eyes and feel the water washing away the scum that seems to have covered my body. When I reach for the shampoo I see the faded lines on the inside of my wrist. My permanent reminder of why Alcide joined our little band of misfits.

_4 Years Earlier_

_SPOV_

"_I can't fucking believe she did this now. You guys are suppose to be on the road in 2 fucking hours." _

"_Pam, calm down or leave the room." Tray snaps at Pam, effectively ending her tirade, well for now at least. "We're gonna have to hire someone to play the bass until her hand heals. It's not that big of a deal. I know a guy, let me go call him and see if he's willing to do it. Now Pam, since you aren't able to shut the fuck up why don't you go do your job and inform the road crew we're running behind." She growls at him as they walk to the door. "Sam stay here and make sure she doesn't get up."_

_I wait til they leave before I start giggling. Apparently the pain meds they gave me are my friend. Sam looks at me a little confused, then shakes his head and laughs a little too. _

"_Aww, Sook, I wish I could have some of what you're having." That only causes me to laugh harder._

"_It's okay Sam, I can share. We just need to get outta here, see they gave me a prescription." I say holding up my little white piece of paper with the doctors unreadable scribble on it. Sam looks serious all of a sudden. Bummer._

"_Tray said we had to stay. We can go when he comes back though." He says. We both look to the door when we hear a knock followed by the door opening. It's the nurse with the discharge paperwork._

_After going through everything I needed to know to take care of my newly pinned and freshly plastered wrist, I signed whatever forms she needed me to and wondered why on earth she thinks I'll be able to remember any of what she just said. It wasn't til she answered my silent musings that I realized I was wondering them out loud._

"_Don't worry Miss Stackhouse, everything I've just told you is right here on this piece of paper." She smiles._

"_Then why on earth did you think it was necessary to explain it to me at all?" I asked. Well there went her smile. There's another knock on the door this time it's Tray and Pam. The nurse takes that as her cue to leave. _

"_It's all set. Alcide will meet us at the bus in 3 hours, that'll give us enough time to get your prescription and get you packed so we can head out. And once we're on the bus you can tell us what the fuck happened." Tray says as soon as the door closes. Guess who's not calm now. Eh, I probably deserve it. Shit, I know I deserve it. This tour is suppose to be our break and here I am fucking it up. Man, I hope this Alcide guy is able to learn the songs and pull this off._

"_See Pammy, I only fucked things up for an hour." I smiled at her. Her head looks like it's about to explode so Tray has Sam take her out of the room before she starts a rant that could undoubtedly wake up every patient in a coma that's in this hospital._

_Tray grabs my clothes and helps me get dressed once they're outta the room. Since Tray seems to have his panties in a twist I decide to get dressed as quickly as I can with his help. Hey, I know I put them in a twist, it's why I'm not complaining about needing his help to get dressed._

"_Hey Pam, we made it in 2 hours and 45 minutes, do you forgive me yet? " I ask fluttering my eyelashes at her. While I take my seat next to Tray, who's sitting in the booth next to the "kitchen." Sam is sitting on the other side of the table from him and next to Sam, I assume, is our temporary bass player. Fuck, I don't care if he can play, I'll pay him to just sit there and look pretty. I may not be able to check out his ass just yet but I do like EVERYTHING I see from the waist up. He's wearing a tight black wife beater and his arms and chest are incredible. Definitely toned to perfection, they're thick, but not body builder big. Just by looking at them a girl would know he could hold her up against a wall and fuck her without a problem. And when I reach his eyes I am not only amazed by the bright green color, but thrilled to see the eye fuck he seems to be giving me in return. When his eyes finally meet mine, I wink at him and watch him shift in his seat. A look of recognition takes over his features. Of course, Pam interrupts before I can find out why._

"_Can it Stackhouse. You had us all scared shitless. You disappeared for over 24 hours and didn't call any of us. And when we do finally hear something, it's the god damn hospital asking us to come down. I swear to god I am getting you a nametag and dog collar for this trip." Guess she's still mad. "So what the hell happened?"_

"_Well Pam, which is it? Am I suppose to can it or talk? I'm confused." Well no one ever accused me of having a working brain filter. Actually, if you ask Tray or Sam they'd probably tell you it always breaks when someone jumps on my shit. Tray decides to interrupt our stare down. _

"_K, Sook, what happened?" I stop looking at Pam and turn to Tray and see for the first time how exhausted he looks, damn it, I hate feeling guilty._

"_Well Tray, I don't remember much really." I start. "I couldn't sleep again, so I thought I'd go out for a drink at the bar. You had already gone to bed and I didn't wanna bother you. Chow was there and we decided to get a bottle of Patron. He got up to hit the head and some skinny bitch with a fucked up haircut walked up to me and started talking shit to me about some guy. I told her I could talk to whoever I fucking pleased thinking Chow had a stalker, but when he got back to the table he didn't know who she was. The best I can remember, she disappeared for awhile and Chow and I finished off the bottle. Then things start getting fuzzy. I remember dancing with some guy. I think Chow left with that Indira chick. I also remember screaming at that crazy stalker bitch and just a collage of images after that. Her shoving me, me beating her ass and then I woke up in the hospital they were asking me who they could call, but I told them not to worry about it. They told me I broke some bones in my hand and wrist and that they needed to put some pins in it, so the bones would set properly. I got through the surgery and they said I needed someone to drive me home because of the pain meds. I gave them Pam's number. And you know the rest from there." Fuck, I felt like a little kid. Just when I thought Tray was going to say something, Alcide spoke instead._

"_I think I can fill in the blanks." We all looked at him. Then it dawned on me Alcide was the guy I was dancing with when that bitch freaked out on me again. What I couldn't figure out was why he looked so guilty._

_Alcide rubbed his face and explained that the stalker is his girlfriend. (Why anyone wanted a stalker for a girlfriend was beyond me). He went on to explain that he met me last night, but I introduced myself to him as Susanna. He explained that we had only been dancing for about 15 minutes when Debbie (his stalker/ girlfriend) showed up and freaked out. "It was really weird, I couldn't figure out how they knew each other and I was trying to tell Debbie we had only just met and were only dancing." He looked at Tray. "We weren't even slow dancing. Susanna, I mean Sookie, asked if I would dance with her since she was alone, so I said sure. We were laughing and having a good time, it was no big deal." Tray made a go ahead gesture and Alcide finished telling the story. According to Alc, Debbie called me several things that Alcide wasn't willing to repeat. And then I told Debbie that if I had fucked her man then his ass would still be in my bed begging for more. It was when I tried to walk away from her that she realized Alcide had smiled at what I had said. She thought it was an inside joke and assumed it meant that we were sleeping together, so she charged after me. When she reached me she shoved me into the bar._

"_It was crazy, Sookie spun around so fast, Debbie never saw it coming. Sookie knocked her out cold, one punch. The bartender told me to get my girlfriend outta there or he'd call the police. I asked about Sookie and he said he would take care of Susanna. It was the first time Debbie ever started shit with a chick and got her ass knocked out." Alcide smiled at me and I couldn't stop the smile that spread across my face. "And Sookie, I am really sorry that any of it happened and about your hand. Tray says you're a phenomenal musician and I hope we can still work together." _

_Tray looked pissed. "Sam, I thought you said you went to the bar and asked Longshadow if he'd seen Sookie." Tray questioned. _

"_I did, he said Sook left right after Chow and Indira left, he said he put her in a cab to go home and everything." Sam defended. Then Alcide spoke up again._

"_Who's Longshadow?" Tray told him that was the bartender's name and Alcide told him the name of the bartender that night was Bubba. He also told Tray that no one named Longshadow worked there. _

"_Hey, I thought you said the bartender knew Sookie." Trey asked Alcide._

"_He does, I've seen her in there before and he called her Susanna." Oh well, now I'm confused. I really don't remember anyone by the name of Bubba. Fuck! Had I really gone to a bar without having remembered it and not only did I go once, but I had gone several times in fact. No more Patron for me._

"_Hey Alcide, did we hang out any of the other times you saw me there?" He looked kinda shocked that I really didn't remember being there. I can't really blame him, I've surprised myself too._

"_No Sookie, we never talked before that night, but I did notice you there before, you're kinda hard to miss." He grinned._

_Now for the hard part. "Um, have you ever noticed me leaving with anyone?" I'm really never drinking Patron again. God, I couldn't even look at anyone else._

"_Not that I remember, but, uh, Debbie is usually with me. Uh, sorry." I chanced a look at Sam and he looked heartbroken. Sam and I weren't together and never had been, but he had somehow put me up on a pedestal and no matter how badly I fucked up my life he just wouldn't let me off of it. Tray on the other hand looked just as lost as I felt. It was Pam that broke the silence._

"_Well, mystery solved then. Stackhouse, according to your after care paperwork, you are due for your pain meds. And I think you could use some sleep. I nodded my head and got up. Tray followed me back to the bunks, grabbing my meds and a bottle of water on the way._

"_Sook, you okay." Tray asked as I swallowed my pills and took a swig of water to wash them down._

"_Yeah Tray, yeah, I'm good. I'm fine." Geez, I sounded more like I was trying to convince myself then him._

"_Hey Sug, why couldn't you sleep? Did you have another nightmare?" My flinch must have answered his question because he just got up and kissed my head before he left. _

_I laid there and thought about how long it had been since I had a peaceful nights sleep. I'd been going on maybe an hour a night for 2 weeks because of the nightmares I'd been having. I did get some sleep in the hospital, but I'm pretty sure that it had more to do with the meds I was on then anything else. Tray had heard me yelling the first night and tried to talk to me about it then. I had refused to talk to him about it and he said that if I changed my mind he'd be there for me. _

_After that night I tried to put off sleeping for as long as I could at night and when that didn't work I fell back on self medicating. Which apparently led: to blacking out frequently enough to forget a whole bar full of people, where I had unknowingly become a regular, getting into a bar room brawl and snapping my wrist bad enough to need pins in it. Fuck my life! Luckily, my pain meds washed away my pity party and carried me into a nightmare free sleep._

As I got out of the shower I smiled thinking about how well Alcide ended up working out and by the time my wrist was 100% he was an important part of our band. He was ecstatic that we wanted him there as a real member of the band, not just a stand in.

Then I was hit with the realization that I had been avoiding the same problem for just over 4 years now. Now I'll admit I seriously wondered if I could go another 4 years before having to deal with it. It made sense in my head because your twenty's are for having fun and being carefree. And your thirty's were for fixing shit and yourself, right? But the reality of hiding out didn't seem possible when I came out of the bathroom and saw the looks on all my guys' faces.

Fuck! I hate feelings.

**Guess what? Yep, you guessed it. I'm borrowing them from CH. And thanks again to any of you that do review, I truly appreciate you taking the time. And thanks to the voyeurs too!**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

SPOV

Can you say intervention? Well that seems to be exactly what I am looking at. Do they even have nightmare interventions? All three of my guys are here, even Pam has graced us with her presence. I look to the door and wonder if I can make it. A mental image of me tickling Sam to get around him, then stealthily avoiding Tray by making a jump to the left and bypass Alcide with a step to the right. Then flash something shiny at Pam as I make my way out of the room, down the hall and out of the hotel in nothing but a towel. I smile to myself. Then I notice Tray shake his head no at me.

Hmm, maybe that won't work. Fuck! I sit down and pouted, like the little bitch they all know I can be. "Well, you've all cornered me. Are you just going to sit there and stare at me too or are you going to say something?" Pam decides to go first.

"Like I said earlier, it's time to do an interview." At first, I'm excited that it looks as though I will be getting out of the intervention talk. The interview topic was definitely the lesser of the two evils, or so I thought. "But I was thinking it should be something more. Instead of doing several interviews, there will be one reporter doing a start to finish on you and the band. Since the tour will be over in about 12 hours or so, the interview will follow the next album from start to finish. That way you will feel more comfortable, only having to talk to 1 person as opposed to the 100 that have requested an interview." Why on God's green earth is she smirking at me like she's done me a huge favor. I said I'd think about 1 interview not my own personal stalker for 3 months. Shit, it is only 3 months isn't it.

"Pam, you seem to have forgotten that I don't want to do 1 interview let alone an entire series of them. You said I had the next 3 months off, before we needed to start the next album. Are you telling me that we don't get that time off now?" I'm gonna strangle her. Fuck, I needed the time off so I would have the mental capacity to even think about writing the next album. All the writing for this album was done during my break last time, so that by the time we hit the studio it was only a matter of tweaking a few things.

"Of course, you get your 3 months, Sookie. The reporter will meet with you every couple of weeks, or so, to record the first part of the album making process- the song writing. And since he'll already be there he can interview you about you. Then he can do more in depth interviews on the guys once the band heads back into the studio. By the end of the whole process, all of you will be so comfortable with him around that you'll hardly notice it when he's there for the next tour." My heart is now beating out of my chest, Tray sees my panic and takes my hand. But Pam's not finished yet. "He's signed all of the confidentiality agreements and you have final say on every article he writes."

Well a couple words seem to be sticking with me after her last sentence. Words like signed and he. Is this already a done deal? Not to mention 1 hypothetical interview has turned into the next 2 years of my life with the end result being a step by step guide to how fucking crazy I am. Before I can ask anything, Tray seems to have locked in on the same words I have.

"Pam, who is _he_? What confidentiality agreement? And what the fuck are you thinking? It is insane for you to think that Sookie should have to put up with someone she doesn't even know for 2 years, instead of doing the 1 article we all agreed should be done." At least now I know it was only Pam's aspirations to put me in the loony bin and that the guys aren't in on this insanity.

"Tray you're acting like I haven't thought this through. I know the reporter and trust him, I would never expose Sookie to someone I didn't trust." Why do I feeling like a child of divorce listening to their parents bicker over the way I should be raised. And yet, I can't bring myself to speak, its like watching a train wreck, but I'm the train. I know they're still speaking, but I am no longer paying attention to them. My anger seems to be getting the best of me as a few more pieces of the last 24 hours seem to fall into to place.

As calmly as I can, I ask Pam. "Who wrote the article I showed you?" God I hope I am wrong about her.

Since she's currently arguing with Tray she answers me automatically and keeps pleading her case to Tray.

"Pam, who is the reporter you want to follow us?" I ask, again as calmly as possible. She answers again like a mother answering their child on auto pilot, not wanting to interrupt her own conversation. Her answer is confirming my worst fears, that I have been betrayed. Tray has heard both of her answers and has already caught up to where my mind has led me. Lucky for Pam, he knows me as well as he does. If it weren't for Tray, Pam would have had her ass knocked out cold. It was only a split second after Pam answered my second question that I was airborne, then promptly restrained by Tray.

"Let me go Tray, she sold me out to a fucking reporter, I am going to fuck her up!" I screamed.

I watch realization come across Pam's face that she may have bitten off more then she could chew.

"Sookie, I didn't sell you out I swear, I didn't. I know it may seem that way right now. If you calm down I will explain everything to you, all of you." Tray is still holding on to me even after I tell her she can continue. My look around the room confirms she has no allies here and if she did fuck me over, it's not only me she has to deal with.

She tells us an old college friend was assigned to do an article on True Blood and contacted her hoping she might be able to get him an interview or some insider tidbits. She claims she refused to get him the interview or the tidbits. He called her a week later, letting her know about Compton's interview. And as a friend, thought she might want to know about Compton because the tool had said a few things during their interview that bothered him. After talking it over with him for a while Pam realized it was going to be necessary for me to do an interview.

Since her friend had called her and gave up a good chunk of his story to help her out (and by extention me), she thought that maybe she should return the favor by giving him my first personal interview. It wasn't until she was off the phone that she realized the benefit of having a reporter she trusted do an exclusive on me and the band. Pam thought that if we were to basically hire our own reporter, then we could control the situation a little easier. Maybe not stopping another reporter from getting an interview with Compton (or anyone else in that fucking town either), but possibly burying it under a bunch of one on one articles. God, I really didn't want to think about what was in that interview.

I hated that I agreed with her logic and had Tray let me go. I righted my towel and sat back down. Sam and Alcide had been watching everything go on the for the last hour and waited to see if I was going to come to the same conclusion everyone else had.

"Fine Pam. When do I have to meet this reporter?"

"He'll be backstage after the concert tonight, you all can meet him then." She had kept her face blank and left saying she had things to take care of for tonight. And with that she was gone. After getting dressed, I told the guys I was going to my room to get ready for tonight. I just needed to be alone and thankfully they let me go.

"Suuuuuusaaaaanna." I hear familiar voice trying wake me from my sleepy state. "Suuuuuusieeeee, my Suuuuusieeee Q ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh."

"God, Alc, please stop singing. You really suck at it." I groan.

"Come on Sookie, it's time to get up. It's time to get ready to rock n roll." He is bouncing me all over the bed now. I look up at him and can't help smiling at his excited grin.

"Okay, okay I'm up. So did you pull the short stick or what?" I really thought that they'd send in Pam as their sacrificial lamb.

"Yep, I won." he sounds entirely too happy considering he was sent to the slaughter. "And since you've been such a good girl lately, we all decided you needed a little present." Ah the bribe.

"I already told you Alcide, it was a one time thing, I was drunk and it's not going to happen again." I tease.

"I love that you think giving me head would be a present for you from all of us. Maybe we should try it again?" He suggests.

"Oh no, I don't think so. I really don't need anymore metal pins in my wrist from whoever is currently stalking you?"

"First of all, Maria- Star is not a stalker. Secondly, she and I been seeing each other for more then a week. And lastly, you know you're the only stalker I want." Ever the opportunist, that boy.

I decide to get this conversation back on track. "So then what's this great surprise you all have deemed worthy of my attention?" He's back to that shit eating grin of his.

"Oh, I can't tell you what it is, just that there is one." Oh that little fucking tease. "And the sooner you get ready, the sooner you get to know what it is. It will be waiting for you in the dressing room at the stadium." We were interrupted by a knock on the door. Alcide leaves my suite, as he lets them in. A look to the clock let's me know it's Janice. We hired Alcide's sister after she got divorced a couple of years ago. She does all my hair and make-up. She also hangs out back stage to help me with any wardrobe changes or malfunctions during the concerts. I spend the next 2 hours with Janice getting my hair and make up done. Sadly for me, she doesn't know anything about a surprise. Once I am tied into my leather corset, I throw on a pair of black skinny jeans, my black zip up hoodie and my fuzzy pink slippers. All of my on stage outfits are waiting in the dressing room at the venue. The corset goes on before we leave the hotel so that it has a chance to stretch before I have to perform. We meet my security outside the door to my suite and head down the service elevator to the waiting limos. Everyone else is already there and ready to go.

After spending the majority of the ride trying to get Sam to tell me what my surprise is, I finally give up. I almost had him, but Alcide put a stop to it by passing Sam a joint. I decide to pass the time looking outside my window, I watch as we approach the stadium and see something that looks like a tent city.

"Shit Tray, have you seen this bullshit?" I ask. Everyone turns to see what I am looking at.

"Looks like Newland's here." He says taking a deep breath.

"Hey, you guys realize that with how close they are to the stadium, they'll be able to hear the whole show." I say laughing. Everyone is chuckling at the idea of Newland and _his followers_ listening to a True Blood concert. Hmm, I can work with this.

With only an hour left before the show starts, Pam leaves to get her "shit done." And I start looking for my surprise.

"Hey Sook, did you loose something?" Tray asks. I ignore his taunting and keep up my hunt.

"You aren't going to find what you're looking for." Alcide chuckles.

"You don't know that." I reply.

"Yeah he does, Sook, she's not here yet." Sam chimes in. Tray and Alcide swing their heads around to look at Sam. Then we all wait for the light bulb moment we know all hope is coming. And there it is with a smack to his own forehead. "Shit, guys I'm so sorry. But it's not like I told her Joan Jett's coming." Yep, another face palm and a groan from Tray and Alcide. I am currently doubled over laughing at all three of them when it finally clicks. Holy shit, Joan Jett is coming.

Now every rock star has that one band, or in my case the one person, that got them hooked to music first and Joan Jett is that person for me. Now the guys were laughing at me and my fan girl hysteria. I about had a heart attack when someone knocked on the door. And when the door opened to show that it was in fact Joan Jett I knew I was definitely going to have a heart attack. Everyone got up to introduce themselves to her, while I stood there frozen. It wasn't til Tray introduced me that I finally spoke.

"I cannot believe I am actually meeting you, this is so fucking surreal." Not too bad, I'm not crying, screaming or jumping up and down in front of my very own rock idol. That's a good thing, a very good thing.

"It's great to meet you too. I really enjoy your music. I can't wait to get up there with you tonight. Did you guys decide what song we were doing?" Is the room spinning? Did she just say that I get to perform with her? Holy shit.

"5 minutes." We hear through the dressing room door. After I calmed down we changed our play list and I got to do my vocal warm ups with fucking JOAN JETT! The guys head out to take their places and I'm taken to the platform above the stage.

Over my black leather corset I have on my 1940s pinup style sailor outfit. The corset, my thigh high fish nets and garters are pretty much my last costume so it's the base of my other 2 outfits. The guys start playing before the lights come up. The crowd cheers and starts clapping along. As the lights come up, I get lowered down to the stage in my metal cage. I make my way from there to the mic clapping my hands above my head. The first song… "Do You Wanna Touch Me."

Joan Jett meets me center stage and we switch off singing, the crowd is delirious, FUCK, so I am. I sing the song in pure euphoria. When we finish, I thank Joan for her a appearance and ask her to join me for another one of her songs that I'd like to dedicate to the special audience listening outside the stadium. At the start of "Bad Reputation" I see the pit in the audience start up. God I love my job!

We end up playing for the next 2 hours. We say goodnight to all of our fans and end the tour with the one last encore. I'm down to my black leather corset, micro mini leather skirt, fish nets, garters and 5 inch platform thigh high boots. They stage crew has set up my stool in the center of the stage. I pick up my guitar and wave goodbye to the rest of the band before I start my last song. "This is one of my favorite Lenard Cohen songs." The entire audience falls quiet when I start playing my guitar.

I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel,  
you were talking so brave and so sweet,  
giving me head on the unmade bed,  
while the limousines wait in the street.  
Those were the reasons and that was New York,  
we were running for the money and the flesh.  
And that was called love for the workers in song  
probably still is for those of them left.  
Ah but you got away, didn't you babe,  
you just turned your back on the crowd,  
you got away, I never once heard you say,  
I need you, I don't need you,  
I need you, I don't need you  
and all of that jiving around.

I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel  
you were famous, your heart was a legend.  
You told me again you preferred handsome men  
but for me you would make an exception.  
And clenching your fist for the ones like us  
who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,  
you fixed yourself, you said, "Well never mind,  
we are ugly but we have the music."

And then you got away, didn't you babe...  
you just turned your back on the crowd,  
you got away, I never once heard you say,  
I need you, I don't need you,  
I need you, I don't need you  
and all of that jiving around.

I don't mean to suggest that I loved you the best,  
I can't keep track of each fallen robin.  
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel,  
that's all, I don't even think of you that often.

**So I will tell you that yes Eric is the reporter, I really didn't mean to make it such a big secret. But from Sookie's point of view a no name reporter just wasn't important. It was the reason he had to be there that was causing her panties to twist, with good reason. OKAY, so do I bribe you with an Eric POV in the next chapter for reviews or do I trust that you'll do me a solid and review on your own because you just might like what you've read so far. Come on you know you want to. Right?  
**

**The peoples all belong to CH. Obviously unbeta'd, all my own screw ups. But if you catch and big ones like me calling Tray Alcide or vice versa let me know. And since no one is dead I can't accidentally bring them back to life.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

EPOV

I wanted that True Blood interview bad. Not just because meeting Susanna Stackhouse would be a wet dream come true, but I really liked their sound. I am a freelance writer and have had articles published in many entertainment magazines as well as local newspapers.

I called Pam, my inside scoop for this article hoping she'd be willing to help out an old friend. She was so excited when she signed True Blood, she had total faith in them becoming the next big thing. I wasn't really surprised when she refused to give me a quote or an interview with the elusive Miss Susanna Stackhouse. She is nothing but loyal to her friends.

After doing some digging and coming up empty handed here in Shreveport I headed to Bon Temps to see what I could find out about the town's only celebrity. I found a small grease pit called Lafayette's to hang out at and hopefully strike up the right conversation with the right person. I asked the owner, I big black man that was very much into purple eye shadow and lots of glitter, if he knew anyone I could talk to about Susanna Stackhouse. After he stared me down, he told I could finish my burger and then I had to hit the road, that my kind weren't welcome in his establishment. I didn't need to be told twice. I knew he had a least a baseball bat behind the counter if not a shotgun.

"Now Lafayette, is that anyway to treat a customer?" An elderly woman approached the bar where I was eating my food.

"Maxine, you need to mind your own business. This here is my business and I will run it anyway I please." He stated flatly. And she turned to address me next.

"What's a sweet boy like you looking for trash like that Sookie Stackhouse. Oh her grandmother would be beside herself if she saw how she turned out." She patted my arm. "She is the disgrace of this here town." She preached.

"Miss Maxine you need to mind your owns and go sit down." Lafayette warned. When she opened her mouth to speak again Lafayette beat her to it. "Miss Maxine, if you don't sit your big ass down at your table right quick, I'm gonna fill dis here reporter in on all your dirty laundry." He threatened. She looked like she was ready to let him have it, when Lafayette opened his mouth again. "Now Miss Maxine, how's Hoyt's daddy getting' on these days?" Well that did. With a huff she turned around and headed back to here table. Lafayette asked if I needed anything before he headed back into the kitchen.

After I finished my food, I paid for it and left. I was unlocking my car when I was approached by a woman in the parking lot.

"Hey, did I hear you asking about Sookie Stackhouse inside?" She drawled.

"Yeah, do you know her?" I asked.

"Yeah, I know that slut. We went to high school together. She's a fucking whore, did you know she fucked my boyfriend after graduation? I got him back though. She was just as trashy then as she is now." The woman fumed. We were joined by a pale, dark haired man with sideburns that were ridiculously too wide and too long. He looked like one of those guys that lived for civil war reenactments. You know the kind that don't just go for the weekend. The ones that stay in character in their everyday life.

"Come Lorena, or we will be late for our engagement." He sounded like a tool.

"No Bill, this man is asking questions about your whore from high school, I think he might be a reporter or something." I watched Bill's dull eyes shift to my direction and acknowledge my presence for the first time.

"Is that so? Are you a reporter?" He questioned.

"Yeah, name's Eric Northman. I'm doing an article on True Blood for The Shreveport Times Entertainment section." I held my hand out for him to shake, but he left it there, so I let it fall to my side. He was a pompous ass, that's for sure.

"Lorena, please go wait in the car I will be with you shortly." She huffed and headed in the direction of the tool's car after being dismissed. Just before she closed the door she seemed to remember something and called to get my attention. She informed me I could use anything she said in my article if I wanted because she stood by what she said and everyone needed to know who Sookie Stackhouse really was. Then she closed the car door. It was then that Bill spoke.

"I didn't want Lorena to know, but Sookie and I have remained in contact since she left home. If you would like to discuss our involvement further you can meet me at my home this evening, say around 5 pm. I will be without Lorena at that time. Now if you will excuse me, I am late for an important meeting." He handed me a card with his address on it and stiffly walked back to his car. God, he looked constipated. It was already 3 o'clock, so I only needed to kill a couple hours before meeting up with my only lead for my article. I decided to go to the town's library, hoping to find something about Susanna Stackhouse.

I didn't find anything in the library about Susanna Stackhouse, but I did find old articles about other Stackhouse's. I found one that was almost 20 years old. It was about a man named Corbett Stackhouse, his wife Michelle and their 10 year old son Jason, they all died in a flash flood returning from the son's little league game. The article mentions that their daughter was with her grandmother at the time of the accident.

The next article was dated 3 years later. It was actually an obituary for an Adele Stackhouse who had passed unexpectedly from a heart attack. The obit says she was a wife, mother and grandmother, but her only surviving relatives were a granddaughter and a brother. As a reporter I get paid for making assumptions and getting evidence to prove them. And if what I am assuming is true then Susanna Stackhouse lost both of her parents, her brother and her grandmother all within 3 years of one another. Now all I have to do is get someone in this town to cooperate and verify my findings. A look at my watch tells me it was time to head over to Bill Compton residence.

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I left the interview with a disturbed feeling. He was able to confirm my suspicions about Stackhouse losing almost all of her family at a young age. But what disturbed me was Compton's picture albums. They were full of pictures of Susanna Stackhouse. The pictures were all candids, her eyes were never focused on the camera, like she wasn't aware that she was being photographed. He referred to her as his Sookie throughout the interview. There were a couple of photos of them together, but something was off about those photos too. The pictures at the end were all publicity photos of Susanna. He even cut her out of a picture if she was photographed with anyone else. It was during the interview that he informed me the she was his and always would be.

I called Pam after I got home to let her know about the possible Compton problem. We talked for a long time about what we should do about our own situations. In the end, she decided that I should put a couple of Lorena and Bill's quotes in the article. They were mild in comparison to all that was said, but she felt it was necessary to put them in the article in hopes it might push Susanna into doing what needed to be done. She offered me the exclusive with Susanna to repay me for coming to her with the info first, instead of just sending it to print. She called me a few days later with an offer to do more then just the Susanna Stackhouse interview and I jumped at the opportunity. She told me she'd send over my contracts and my backstage pass for the concert the following day. I thanked her and went to bed thinking of how perfect my life is.

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The concert was phenomenal. Susanna Stackhouse came out wearing a little sailor girl outfit that was every rockabilly boys wet dream. She was asking the audience if they wanted to touch her there, I could answer that for me, every straight male and even some females there- FUCK YES we wanted to touch here, especially there.

I spent the concert trying to figure out how I'm suppose to make it through the meet and greet backstage without embarrassing myself. I am sure Susanna Stackhouse is use to hanging out with walking hard-ons, I just didn't want to be put in that category (even if I was one). She goes on to acknowledge that asshat Newland and his lemmings out in the parking lot. Sometimes I really worry about the state of this country when it thinks that censorship is the way to go, considering it was the reason this country was founded.

About a third of the way through the concert Susanna leaves the stage only to return moments later wearing a very slutty, punked out version of a school girls uniform. The red plaid skirt barely covers her ass and her little white button up shirt is barely containing all her wonderful cleavage. Red suspenders outline the sides of her breasts perfectly and match her red knee high docs; her fish nets run up the rest of her leg and since the skirt is so short, her garters are on display as are her black lace boy shorts. She is sex personified. She sings songs from both of their albums and throws in a few covers she sites as being influential to the band members and their sound. I am careful to take notes of everything since I am technically working, but her last outfit of the night sends my brain and body into overload. After seeing her as a pin up and a school girl I really should have expected her to complete the male fantasy portfolio. I am sure every male in the place was hard. Her leather corset lifted her breasts and displayed them like they were being served up on a platter. Her garters and black, lace boy shorts were no longer partially hidden by her little sailor shorts or her barely there plaid skirt. It was the thigh high boots that completed my dominatrix fantasy for the evening. How on earth was I going to interview this woman, let alone talk to her. I worried I'd blow my wad if we shook hands.

At the end of the concert the band left the stage and Susanna was left on the stage alone to sing one last encore. She had put on a skirt, but it was so small it didn't cover much more then her underwear. The song she played was one I remembered my parents listening to. The song showed her in a completely different light then any of the others she had sung that night. It transformed her from being a larger then life sex kitten to something vulnerable that needed to be protected. I listened to her soulful voice fill the stadium and felt something other then lust for the first time that night. I felt sadness. And I remembered all of the loss she suffered in her youth.

**They all belong to CH. It's a bit shorter then the other chapters, but I wanted to save backstage for the next chapter. Let me know what you think. Oh it's unbeta'd obviously. I was reading the previous chapters and the typos drive me nuts so I am attempting to fix them I won't add to the chapter but hopefully will be able to clean them up. Just an FYI in case you get notices- ignore em.**

**Thank you to all of you that review.**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

EPOV

I was sitting backstage keeping an eye out for Pam when _she_ came in. She as in Susanna Stackhouse, not Pam. I watched as she said hi to the waiting fans and made her way over to the bar to get herself a drink. I was relieved as fuck that she was no longer in her leather corset and thigh high boots. Maybe I could make it through this meet and greet without my dick trying to say hello.

You know those times when you have a thank god moment directly followed by a shit I spoke to soon moment. This was one of them. She may have changed, she was even wearing more clothes, but it was what she wasn't wearing that made my dick jump back to life. Her chucks, low rise Dickies and too small Sex Pistols tee shirt were not the problem. Don't get me wrong, that body in anything could make my mouth water, but that tee shirt was showing off her flat, tan tummy and more importantly the fact that she was not wearing a bra. I was mesmerized. I was so mesmerized that I didn't notice Pam's approach or that she had been speaking to me.

"Eric…. Eric (snap snap)… Eric!" Pam seemed incredibly amused.

"Hey Pam." I pulled my gaze from Susanna and looked at Pam to find her laughing at me.

"You better be careful Northman, that girl, right there, will eat you alive." She said before taking a sip of her drink.

"One can only hope, Pam." And right about now, nothing sounded better then being eaten alive by that woman.

"Well, you can't say I didn't warn you. I'll take you over and introduce you after this crowd thins out."

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I watched the band as they meet with fans, signed autographs and took pictures for the next hour. It was incredible to watch her. I felt a pull to her, a connection. She was so full of energy that she seemed to be vibrating with excitement. Fan after fan and she was excited to meet them all. You would think she was there to see them not the other way around. I wonder if they felt her pull, too.

Most of the crowd had gone, only friends and family of the band and crew seemed to be left. It was then that I saw Bill Compton, I watched as he approach her and I watched her excitement fade, she looked ill. Her drummer, Tray, noticed something was off too. I could hear him asking her what was wrong.

"Hello, Sweetheart. I am so glad to have you home at last." The look on his face was smug. She just sat there and stared at him. He reached out to touch her and she flinched back hard. Tray moved to stand between them.

"I think you need to leave." His arms were folded across his chest making sure there was no doubt that he meant business. Her bassist, Alcide, came to stand next to him. They formed a wall denying any access to her. Everyone in the room seemed to be focused on this out of the ordinary behavior.

"No, I don't believe I do. I came here to speak to Sookie and I will not leave until I have done so." Bill said, digging in his heals. What Bill didn't notice was that there were 2 security guards standing directly behind him, so he would be leaving whether he wanted to or not.

"Is there a problem Mr. Dawson?" Asked the taller of the two security guards.

"He needs to leave, now." Tray informed them.

Bill looked pissed before his face went back to arrogant. "Sookie, sweetheart, tell them that I don't need to leave. Tell them you want me here."

SPOV

I was on such a high from the show and the fans. I had a few drinks and was happy just hanging out with my band and saying goodbye to some of the crew, since tonight was the last concert for the tour. Everything was great, even needing to meet the reporter wasn't a big deal. After being up on stage with Joan Jett I couldn't be irritated about it.

As a testament to how fucked up my life is, he showed up. I waited for it to happen every time we played anywhere near here. I had actually started to believe that if he didn't come before then he wouldn't come now. I was so fucking wrong.

Tray was asking me what was wrong when Bill spoke. My brain wasn't processing anything he said. Then he reached out to touch me and my body instinctively lurched back. That's when Tray went on the defensive and got between us. Alcide joined him a moment later. I was drowning with the need to get out of here. My world's were colliding and I couldn't do anything to stop it from happening. Bill was telling me to let him stay. I knew he wouldn't leave without making a scene. Fuck my life!

"Let me walk you out, Bill." I said faking calm. My body wanted to run the opposite direction, but my brain knew I needed to get him out of here before anything was said. Tray, Alcide and both security guys moved to follow us out, but I told them I would be fine. Bill was cocky as he followed me out.

Once we were far enough away from all of the onlookers I turned to face Bill. "It was a mistake for you to show up here, I don't know what you've deluded yourself into thinking about me, but you are leaving right now."

"No, I don't believe I am. You and I need to talk and I'm not leaving until we do." He informed me.

"No, I think you are going to do as she said and leave." We were interrupted by a tall blond guy who looked vaguely familiar. I knew he had been backstage, but there was something else about him that was familiar.

"Mr. Northman, this doesn't concern you." Bill replied. Oh…. so he was the reporter. It figures. I get Bill away from a room full of people, so they don't hear what Bill has to say and we get followed out by a fucking reporter.

"Oh, but I think it does Bill. You are the one that told me Miss Stackhouse and you were involved. This doesn't look like welcome reunion, well not for Miss Stackhouse anyway." Not that I wasn't grateful for the interruption, but I didn't know him or what he was up to. I couldn't help but feel that he might try to inflame the situation for a better story. So I did what I do best, I got angry and bailed.

"First of all, Mr. Northman, I am not some damsel in distress and I definitely don't need _you _coming to my rescue. But since it seems that you and Bill, here, have unfinished business, I'll leave you to it." The reporter smiled broadly at me, only making me angrier. Bill was furious. I left, it was my out and I took it. I was walking away when Bill spoke again.

"Are you sure you want to leave me out here with a reporter, Sookie?" He threatened and I laughed.

"Tell him what you want Bill. I don't give a shit." With that I walked back into the room where everyone seemed to be waiting for me. I told them all I was fine and that I was heading back to the hotel. Tray offered to go back with me, but I told him that I needed to be alone. I knew I was hurting him and everyone else for that matter, but right now I just couldn't do this. I needed out of here.

Lucky for me, my bodyguard, Rasul, was able to get me back to the hotel and into my room unseen.

It was then that I started to feel everything. I was drowning in it all over again. I needed not to feel the pain, the fear, the guilt and self loathing. I wanted an escape, I needed an escape. I didn't want to be here anymore dealing with a life I left behind and wanted to forget. A life that wouldn't leave me alone. A life that was haunting my dreams. I went to the mini bar and started. I started my numbing process. I knew if I drank enough, I wouldn't feel. But this time, the more I drank the more I remembered the things I had tried so hard to not remember. The person I had become after that life was crumbling around me. I felt like I was losing myself. I was doing what I swore I never would. I was breaking. And that thought made me angry. I threw my glass against the wall and watched it shatter. I needed something stronger to stop my insanity. I called my Shreveport hook up and made plans for him to be here in 20 minutes. I only had to wait 20 more minutes, then I could escape.

I felt guilty about going back on my word to Tray about this, but that thought was squashed when there was a knock on my door. All my feelings were about to disappear. No more guilt, pain or fear.

I let Victor in and paid him for the delivery. He hung out while I went to the bathroom and fixed myself up. I welcomed it all. The sting, the rush and then the peace. I closed my eyes and relaxed out of my manic state.

I opened my eyes when I heard yelling from the other side of the door. I nearly jumped out of my skin when there was pounding on the door. Then immediately started laughing that I had been scared. I heard Tray talking to me, but I couldn't figure out what he was saying because the door was in the way. And I told him that.

"Sook, open the door for me, please." I didn't want to. So I explained to him that out there was where it all hurt and in here I was safe.

"Sook, I need you to open this door or I am going to break it down." He pleaded.

Damn it, I was feeling guilty and I wasn't suppose to be feeling anything. I didn't want to feel, so I started getting another hit ready. Tray was still at the door talking, but I was focused on the task at hand, not feeling. I was startled again when I heard the door splinter open. Tray was standing there holding his shoulder. He just looked so sad and I felt the tears that I'd been holding onto, start down my face. He took what I was holding and handed it to someone behind him. He picked me up and took me into my bedroom. He sat down on my bed with me in his lap and held me while I cried myself to sleep.

TPOV

I didn't know what the hell happened. One minute we were all enjoying hanging out and saying goodbye to the people that had been on the road with us for the last year when Sookie's whole demeanor changed. I asked what was wrong when someone spoke behind me.

"Hello, Sweetheart. I am so glad to have you home at last." I turned to see a dark haired guy staring at Sookie. I had never seen him before and was worried he might be a stalker since he was speaking to Sookie as if he knew her. I nodded at the security guys to let them know we might have a problem. Then the guy reached toward Sookie and she jerked away from him. That set off all kinds of warning bells in my head. So I stepped between them. Alcide was watching and he moved to stand next to me, making sure the message was clear. He was not welcome. I told him he needed to leave. But that fucking tool disagreed with me. I guess he didn't know I could have him thrown out and that the guys that would do just that were standing behind him. I watched the smug look fall from his face when he became aware of the security guards. Even the that stupid fucker didn't give up. When he _told _Sookie that she wanted him there, my fist clenched. I was about 5 seconds away from hitting the asshole when Sook offered to walk him out. Then worried when she wouldn't let any of us follow them. It didn't feel right, something was wrong and I felt like she was shutting me out again. I was about to go out there when some tall guy left right after them, but Pam said he was okay and to just wait a minute. So I sat back down, my eyes never leaving the doorway.

About 10 minutes later Sookie came back in, she looked pissed. I tried to talk her, but she said she was heading back to the hotel. I wanted to go with her, and she insisted she needed space. She left with Rasul and I sent him a text telling him to keep an eye on her til I got there.

The tall blond guy came back in alone and walked straight over to Pam. They were talking quietly and he seemed agitated. It looked like he finally gave up and followed her over to where we were sitting. She introduced him as Eric Northman. Just fucking great. This guy was probably getting all kinds of shit on us and I didn't even know what was going on.

He was introduced to Alcide, Sam and a few other people that were still there. They all sat down and started talking. I have no idea what was said, I was preoccupied with whatever the hell was going on with Sookie. I had a feeling things might be connected, the nightmares and that guy, but why would she leave with him. It all seemed so hopeless when she was so unwilling to talk about it with me or anyone for that matter.

It was an hour later and we were all heading back to the hotel when I got a text from Rasul. The text said Sookie had a visitor and she let him in her room about 10 minutes ago. I called him to make sure it wasn't the same guy from earlier. I couldn't figure out who it was from Rasul's description, so I hung up with him and tried calling her cell. No answer. I called the hotel and had them call her room. Still no answer. As soon as we made it to the hotel I was out of the limo before it stopped and in the elevator tapping my foot the whole ride up. Something just felt off and I was beating myself up for not going with her stubborn ass back to the hotel earlier. I ignored Rasul as I went to knock on her door. She didn't answer. I used Rasul's keycard and let myself in. I was furious when I realized who was in the room.

"What the hell are you doing here Victor? I told you never to come around her again." I was going to kill the prick and by the look on his face he knew it too.

"She called me, I swear." He pleaded.

"Then let me make it clear to you. You DO NOT go near her ever. If she calls you, hang up. If you see her walking down the street, you ran the other fucking way. Do you understand?" I raged.

"Yeah, I got it." He cowered. He was about to leave when the doorway filled with the rest of the people from the limo.

"Where is she?" I asked. He nodded towards the bathroom. "Get out, NOW!" He left along with several other people. I didn't know who was still here because I was too busy trying to get Sookie to open the locked bathroom door. She wasn't making much sense, but I was relieved she was answering me. She told me she couldn't open the door and I told her to stand back because I was going to break the door down. I waited for a minute in hopes she would have time to move out of the way. I hurt my shoulder, but I got the door open.

She looked so lost sitting there. The needle was on the floor, but she was still holding her stash so I took it from her hands and handed it to whoever was behind me, then told them to flush it. After I picked her up, her silent tears turned into sobs. I carried to her bed and sat down with her in my lap. I had been holding her for awhile when her body finally relaxed and she fell asleep.

While she slept I thought about how much I had let her down. She needed help and I ignored it. Fuck, she should have gotten help 4 years ago after she broke her hand. I should have made her get help when I found out about what she was up to with Victor 2 years ago. I should have put all this reporter shit aside and taken care of the fucking nightmare problem when it happened again yesterday. I never should have let her leave tonight without me. I already lost one family by not looking after them and here I am doing it again.

EPOV

After Susanna stormed back inside Compton went off on me.

"You're the reason she won't talk to me. This is your fault, isn't it? You're fucking her, right?" Jesus Christ this guy was insane. I just stared at him waiting to see what he'd say or do next. He didn't disappoint either. "Fine, fine don't answer me. I already know you're fucking her." he growled. He turned to leave and stopped. "You may be fucking her now, but she was mine first and she'll be mine again." He seethed before he stormed off.

I stood there in shock. There was no way Susanna Stackhouse had any relationship with that guy, right? I didn't know her at all, but that guy was a total tool. No way could he ever be with her. Maybe he was a stalker, complete with relationship fantasies. I decided I better let Pam know what went on and maybe I'd find out what was going on in the process. Pam was walking toward me when I came back in and Susanna was no where in sight.

"Hey Pam, that Compton guy might be a bigger problem then I thought. You need to make sure her security is aware that he's not stable." I said.

"It's already been taken care of. She left with her bodyguard as soon as she came back in. She'll be fine." She responded.

"What's that guys deal anyway?" I needed to know what was up now that I had gotten myself involved in the situation.

"I haven't got a clue." She said. "I've never seen him before and the first time I heard about him was from you. Sookie doesn't talk about her past. And none of this goes into any article, none of it, got it?" Her accusation pissed me off.

"Fuck off Pam. You know I would never do that. I don't work for the National Inquirer. I'm not that kind of journalist. It's in my contract that everything has to be approved anyway." I told her, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with her.

"Shit Eric, things have just been crazy around here. I know you'd never do that. I'm sorry." She apologized.

"Did anyone else go with Susanna besides the bodyguard?" I asked. Hoping she hadn't been left alone. She seemed fine after she left us, but I saw the look on her face when Bill first talked to her. Something was wrong.

"No, she said she needed to be alone." I must be crazy. Her friends think she's fine. I needed to let it go. "Why don't I introduce you to the rest of the band?" She asked as she led me over to where they were sitting.

They were really nice guys. Well Alcide and Sam were. They were busy sharing all kinds of weird fan stories from the tour. Tray was really quiet and didn't seem to be paying attention to what was being said. He seemed on edge and that put me on edge. I started worrying about Susanna again and hoped she was okay.

I had been listening to Sam and Alcide's stories for close to an hour when Tray stood up and said he was heading back to the hotel. The other two guys said they were ready to go too and got up to leave. It was Alcide that had invited me to join them.

Tray was agitated on the ride back and he bolted from the limo as soon as it slowed down enough to get out. By the time the rest of us made it to the elevator he was long gone. We all climbed into the next available elevator and rode it up to their floor. Alcide was making out with a some girl name Maria- Star and Sam was talking animatedly to his brother Tommy. Pam's "date", some European chick, kept trying to get me to join her and Pam, so I ignored her. I was impatient to get upstairs and find out if everything was okay with Susanna. And what had Try so freaked out. We heard Tray yelling when we were getting off the elevator and went to see if everything was alright.

Tray asked some guy where she was (I assumed he meant Susanna) and he nodded to another door in the room. It was then that I became extremely worried. Tray yelled at everyone to get out, but I couldn't make myself leave. I needed to know she was okay. I closed the door after everyone bailed and listened to Tray plead with Susanna to open the door. She sounded drugged and I understood Tray's urgency to get the door open. He needed to see that she was okay, fuck so did I. I looked around the room and saw empty liquor bottles from the mini bar. Across the room there was broken glass laying on the floor. I was startled when Tray broke open the door to what I found out was the bathroom. Again I felt a pull to Susanna and followed Tray into the bathroom. I was relieved to see her, but she was anything but okay. Tray handed me a baggie and told me to flush it. He carried Susanna out of the room while she cried into his chest. As I flushed the baggie and it contents I saw the needle, spoon and lighter on the floor. I threw it all in the trash and cleaned up the small mess that it made.

When I made it out of the bathroom I saw Tray holding Susanna on his lap while she cried. My whole body ached to help her. I didn't understand why I felt that way about someone I've never even met. But knowing that she had lost so much as a child, I felt connected. I had lost my parents at a young age and I know how it can rob a child of their innocence. That childhood idea that parents are there to protect you from all of the horrors of the world and to be confronted with the reality that they themselves are not invisible becomes a sobering reality. My own childhood was further complicated by the person I was left with. At that thought my stomach rolls with the fear that maybe Susanna was a unlucky as I was. Is that what I am missing? Is that the real extent of our connection? Fuck, I hope not.

I resolve to sit on the couch and wait to talk to Tray or Susanna. I hope I can help before her downward spiral becomes something she can't recover from.

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I must have fallen asleep. I look at my watch and see that it's only 6 o'clock in the morning. I can hear that someone is up and moving around. I sit up on the couch and see Tray standing at the sink making a pot of coffee. He turns and sees that I'm awake.

"Sorry to wake you up. Did you want some?" He asks pointing to the coffee pot.

"Yeah, that would be good." Things are awkward to say the least. I had only met him a few hours ago and don't expect him to trust me. Fuck, I feel stupid for staying. I hope he doesn't jump to the wrong conclusion about why I did stay.

"Listen, she's going through a tough time right now and I really hope Pam was right about being able to trust you." His voice is tired and he just looks defeated.

"I get that you might be worried about an outsider being around right now, but I stayed because I want to help her." I tell him.

"It's nice of you to want to help and all, but Sookie, she's real private and doesn't like people nosing into her business. So really, what do you think you can do to help someone that doesn't want anyone to know enough to help?" He says as he fills up two cups of coffee for us. He moves to hand me one before he sits down.

"I figured that since we both had to deal with losing our parents at a young age she might be comfortable talking to me. Or I could recommend her to the therapist that helped me get past all the bullshit that tried to tear me apart. I know you realize she's struggling, but from what I saw last night, she's not just struggling, she's drowning." There I said what I needed to say and now all I have to do is hope he doesn't think I'm crazy and throw me out. The longer he sits there the more nervous I get that I have over stepped my bounds. I couldn't leave without saying anything though. I would have felt responsible if I didn't try to help and something bad happened to her.

"How do you know she lost her parents?" Shit, maybe Bill lied and that's not what happened.

"There were some articles at the library, in Bon Temps. I had it confirmed that the article was about her parents." Of course I'm not listing Bill as the person who verified the information, not after the shit he pulled.

"Fuck, I had no idea. What else have you found out?" How can he not know. I know Pam said she was private, but that's fucking ridiculous.

"I found an article that said she lost both of her parents and her brother in a flood while she was with her grandmother. Then about 3 years later there's an obit about for grandmother." He looks surprised about all the information I have just given him. His surprise changes to a look of pity. I know it's for Susanna and all that had happened to her.

"She never talks about her life before she moved to Shreveport. I've been trying to get her to get help, but she won't budge." He sighs. He looks defeated again.

Neither of us hear her enter the room, so we're both startled she speaks.

"I know I fucked up and you want me to get help. I'll do what you want me to, Tray. Please don't leave me." I know I've missed something, but all I care about is that she's asking for help. And after last night, I know she needed help now before it was too late.

**Thanks to Ooshka I got this up here and she credits her knowledge to PermintyRose. I went ahead and made a wordpress blog because I was getting a little impatient. It's under-construction and it's has so many more options that's overwhelming, but it is letting me post my story. So if the problem keeps taking forever you can go to me homepage and get the link there. **

**The original author's note to this chapter was about how necessary this whole roller coaster one was, but now I'm just hoping people haven't completely given up on it.**

**A VERY BIG THANK YOU to my regular reviewers it really means a lot that you take the time after every chapter to leave some feedback. And as always voyeurs are welcome!  
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	7. Chapter 7

EPOV

It's been a 6 weeks since I spoke to Tray about helping Susanna. I haven't seen her since that morning. I'm not sure what was decided, but Tray assures me that she is getting help. Everyone in the band says she's doing better, but they won't give me any details beyond that. They are all extremely loyal to Susanna and they don't want to break her trust by talking to me about her.

Instead of interviewing Susanna first, I've been meeting up with Tray, Alcide and Sam to interview them or just to hang out. I've learned a lot about them individually. I feel like understanding them has allowed me to understand Susanna a little bit more. I have always believed you can learn a lot about a person by the people they surround themselves with. Tray and I have even become pretty good friends during the short time that we've known each other.

During my first interview with Tray I learned that Susanna wasn't the only one in the band suffering from loss. But unlike Susanna, Tray talked about his loss. It may have devastated him, but he believes that he keeps them alive by talking about them and remembering them.

_5 weeks earlier_

"_Hey Tray, good to see you again." I stand up and shake his hand. We're meeting at a little coffee shop by my loft that I suggested. "So is Susanna doing any better?" I ask, hoping for any news really. Pam has been giving me her no comment line all week and I am going crazy. I just want to hear how she is. Instead of worrying, although I'm pretty sure if anything major happened the "news" would've picked up on it. _

"_Yeah, she's getting help, finally. Thanks again for giving us a starting point. I really appreciate what you did." He looks a little uncomfortable as he continues. "I don't wanna talk about Sook's personal stuff when she's not around, so if we could keep this about me or the band, I'd appreciate it." _

"_I understand, it's not a problem at all. I just wanted to make sure she was okay. I asked Pam, but she won't say anything other then 'no comment.' So thanks for letting me know she's getting help." He smiles and I watch him relax._

"_So where do you wanna begin?" He asks._

"_Well lets get the boring fan girl info out of the way." I say with a smirk then start asking all the normal questions. I find out all his stats ie height, age, birth date, when he started playing the drums and then I ask how the band started._

"_It's all Sookie. She's the mastermind. That little girl is the whole reason True Blood exists." He bragged. "She gave my life a sense of purpose that it had been missing for awhile." _

"_How did she do that? Was it just the band or was it more?" I ask and watch his grin turn to a look of grief. He looked so much older and harder, it was a starling transformation._

"_Well 8 years ago I lost my wife and baby girl in car accident. They were everything to me and one day they were just gone. I had no idea how I was gonna recover from that." He pauses there and takes out his wallet to show me a picture of his before. "I was a mechanic at the time and sold off my shop, I just couldn't be there anymore. It was just a reminder of what life was like when I had them. I did nothing for a year, but live off of the insurance and wallow in my misery. _

"_One day I was walking by a pawn shop and saw a drum kit that looked like one I sold off before my daughter had been born. I bought em thinking maybe they might help me get back to some sense of reality. A month later I ended up running into an old buddy of mine. He asked if I was still playing drums, he wanted to know if I could fill in for a guy for a couple a gigs they had lined up. It was something to do and I was looking for a distraction. Pounding on those drums allowed me to get out all the anger I felt about losing them, but I still felt empty inside. After that gig was up I joined a shitty band just so I had something to do. I was out one night playing with that shitty band when she approached me. She asked me to join her band and the rest they say is history." He takes a deep breath and continues. _"_It's not like she replaced them, but she was able to fill in a little bit of that loss. Like I said before she gave my life purpose again." He paused again and shook his head.  
_

"_Did you know she's a real musical genius? She can play any instrument she comes across, she picked up an accordion once and she worked how play the thing in an hour, it was insane to watch. She always has music playing in her head, she usually walks around humming or singing to herself. Never seen anything like it. It's incredible to watch her put songs together. The guys and I are really just stand ins for her. The music consumes her. She forgets to eat or sleep when she's working on it. I knew she needed to be taken care of and I needed to take care of someone, so we just fit." He shrugged it off like it was perfectly normal that he took in a total stranger and had been taking care of her since. _

_I had been shocked to hear about Tray's loss. He was doing real good for a guy that had such a big loss. I realized Sookie was his lifeline, his savior. I understood that he felt a need to help her as much as she has helped him, whether she knew it or not she had made a huge impact on his life. Just by looking at the guy you knew he loved her. After that heavy of a conversation I asked if he wanted to grab a drink and some food at the sports bar across the street. We ended up hanging out til pretty late that night and running into Sam and Alcide while we were there. _

Over the weeks we hung out I learned that Susanna seemed to pick up strays. Not only did she suffer the loss of her parents, brother and grandmother, but all of the guys had profound losses in their lives too. Tray had the loss of his wife and daughter.

Sam and his brother were abandoned by their parents. They were separated and put into different foster homes when Sam was 5 and Tommy was only 3. Sam ended up running away from his 3rd set of foster parents, when he was only 14, because of the abuse. He only had his guitar and the clothes on his back. He ended up riding the coach of every friend he had until he turned 18. He got "lucky" when he was in an accident that ended up with him getting enough money to pay for his medical bills and his own house. It wasn't til a few years ago that he was finally able to find Tommy with the help of a PI. Tommy's life worked out drastically better then Sam's had. Tommy ended up getting adopted by his first foster home family and was raised in a very stable home. I asked Sam if he was ever jealous of the life Tommy got to have, but he was real quick to explain how relieved he was Tommy had caught a break at the beginning and didn't have to deal with all the shit he had to. It had eaten at him for years that he couldn't be there to protect Tommy from what he assumed had been a similar fate to his own.

Alcide and his sister were raised by their father after his mom died of complications from his sister's birth. He told me their life growing up was normal aside from the fact they didn't have their mom. When he was old enough he worked for his dad's construction company. Then one night while he was working late with his dad on a job site, his father was murdered right in front of him, he was 22 years old. It wasn't just the loss of his father that messed with him. It had been a professional hit for his dad's gambling debts. So he not only felt the loss of his only living parent, but the betrayal of his father when he ended up losing the family business his grandfather built. His dad had taken out several loans against the business to pay for his gambling addiction and there was no way for Alcide to save the company that he was suppose to inherit.

I began to wonder if that was the allure to Susanna for me as well. Was I just another stray that she was going to accumulate and add to her little family. Not that I'd mind in the least.

I been hanging out with Tray 3 or 4 nights a week for the last 5 weeks. Most times, Sam and Alcide would show up and hang out too. This band was more of a family then any family I had ever seen. They were all carrying their own demons and surviving those demons was their only goal. Knowing Susanna had her own demons it wasn't hard to figure out why she picked this group of guys.

8888888888888888888888888

I am heading out tonight to meet up with Tray, Sam and Alcide. Tray said he had someone he wanted me to meet. I wasn't really interested in meeting anyone right now. I was stupidly hung up on a chick I had only spoken to twice. One of those times hadn't been very friendly and the other time was more about her getting help then me putting my moves on her. Still I told Tray that I was hanging out with him anyway, so it didn't matter to me who he brought along. I kinda wished I paid better attention to the fact that he was obviously hinting at something. That way I wouldn't have been so surprised by who the mystery guest was.

We had been hanging out at the bar Tray referred to as the bands old stomping grounds for an hour when Sam and Alcide showed up with Maria-Star. I knew they were meeting us there and Tray's mystery guest had yet to make an appearance.

"Hey Tray, you hear anything yet?" Alcide asked.

"Yep, they'll be here in 15." I thought he was acting weird, but I was just there to hang out. So I didn't care what he was up to. Sure enough 15 minutes later two more people joined our little party. I saw Pam first and when she moved to sit down that's when I saw Susanna. My heart jumped into my throat. I really didn't understand my body's reaction to her every time I saw her. I was reduced to acting like a teenage boy, completely unable to control my erection.

"Eric, I'd like to _formally_ introduce you Susanna Stackhouse." Pam said grinning widely.

"It's about damn time." Alcide chimed in.

I held my hand out to shake hers. "It's great to finally meet you… again." I said. She smiled brightly at my greeting and took my hand. Her hand was small and warm in mine. I never wanted to let go.

"It's Sookie. I believe you've earned the right to call me what my friends call me. So I hear that you've been asking after me." This is not the lost girl I saw in that hotel room a month and a half earlier. This Susanna, this Sookie was mischievous and her eyes were so full of life.

"Yep and no one here would tell me a damn thing, except to say you were doing good. They are all very protective of you." She looked very happy about that news.

"That's only because they know I can kick all their asses." She was just teasing when she said it, but they were all nodding in agreement with her. I started laughing at their expressions and Sookie was pleased to see that they accepted her claim.

"You think we're screwing around, but Sook can hold her own, huh Tray?" Sam said and then continued after Tray nodded in agreement. "You remember what she did to Quinn the night she found me?" This wasn't a story they had shared with me, but Alcide had apparently heard about it because he started laughing along with them.

"See now, there's this guy who used to crash my parties and always ended up coming on too strong to the ladies and then he'd get tossed from the party." Sam started, but was interrupted by Sookie.

"Coming on, too strong! Sam, that's the understatement of the century." Sookie laughed. "Besides you didn't even see what happened you only heard about it later. You were probably hiding in the bathroom at the time, anyway." Sam blushed. I was missing something there.

"Anyway," Tray continued for Sam, "I left Sookie to go look for Sam and to grab some drinks for us and hadn't made it very far before I heard the commotion. Apparently Sookie didn't like Quinn's come one so she laid him out. By the time I got back he was trying to get up off of the ground and saying she'd attacked him." Tray was giddy watching Sookie's face change from jovial to incredulous as he recalled what happened that night.

"I told you Tray, that jackass licked me. Who does that?" Sookie asked. No fucking way! It couldn't be.

"He did, he leaned over and licked her chest just before she junk punched him and then she kept him down by stepping on his throat." I said smiling at her.

"Yeah, how did you know? Oh my god, no fucking way!" She was smacking Tray's arm in an over animated way and pointing at me. "You're the guy… you're the guy that pulled me off of him." We were both shocked at the situation. "So it looks like you've made a habit out of showing up at the right time to bail me out." I could tell everyone else was trying to figure out what was happening so I filled them in.

"I guess I was at Sam's house that night too, but I didn't know it was his party, I was there with an acquaintance of mine at the time. Anyway, I had noticed a hot blond that came in but she was already with someone." I winked at Sookie. "The girl I was with wasn't too happy about me noticing the blond and was chewing me out, but my eyes hadn't left the other girl. I saw a bald guy approach and figured she was his girlfriend when he licked her cleavage, until she took him down and was standing on his neck. By the time I got over there to help the girl out, I ended up needing to help the guy out because his face had already started turning blue. I pulled her off of him and left to go after the chick I was with. She was holding up my car keys and leaving the party. I caught up to her just before she made it to my car. She was pissed I was checking out someone else and told me to take her home, so I did." Sookie started laughing.

"God, I always wondered what happened to you. It was like you swooped in, saved Quinn and disappeared. Fuck, Tray thought I had lost my damn mind." She looked just as amazed as I was.

"Dawn always was unreasonable." Pam chimed in.

"Dawn, Dawn Green, oh please tell me you weren't with Dawn Green." Sookie said laughing. "That girl is psycho. She went after Alc big time. Just another mentally unstable conquest for Alc, but he collects crazies. Sorry, Maria-Star, but you are the ONLY exception to Alcide's long list of bunny boilers." Sookie nodded in her direction.

"No worries Sookie, I totally agree. But if it wasn't for his extensive knowledge of what the dating pool has to offer he wouldn't appreciate me nearly enough." Maria-Star states as Alcide nods emphatically next to her.

"Yes, I did date Dawn Green, but I blame Pam for that one. She was the one who set me up. And she paid for it dearly, too. Didn't you Pam?"

"I said I was sorry, I had no idea she was _that_ unstable. And I did pay, dearly. You made me donate 10 pairs of shoes. Blahniks, Choos and Ferragamo's do not belong at the Good Will, Eric. It was over $6,000 in shoes." Pam pouted.

"You spent the whole next shopping to replace your loss. It was only fair that it off set the damage she did to my car." I was glaring at Pam, but she knew I was over it.

"So does that mean you collect crazies too? I'm sure the sex is great and all, but is the possible loss of limb or other extremities worth it?"

"What do you know about sex with crazy chicks Sookie?" This could be interesting.

"Alc would be where I get that info from, right Alc?"

"Not just the crazy ones Sook, but in my experience, yes the lack of social boundaries seems to bleed into a lack of sexual boundaries too." Alcide answered her and then decided now would be a good time to take Maria-Star to the dance floor. After they left I answered her question.

"No, I don't collect crazies, but I have come across a few. And it was actually the fear of losing a particularly important limb that has made me very choosy about who I spend my time with." I say before finishing my drink.

"And what limb would that be?"

"My hand, of course. I am a writer and hands are very important to a writer." She laughs and it was the best sound I've ever heard. "So when do I get to interview you Ms. Stackhouse?"

"I have a brunch date tomorrow, but I should be free by 1 o'clock. Does that work for you?"

"That works for me just fine."

"Well since I'm not drinking I guess I should be heading out." Sookie announces as she stands up to leave. I'm not ready for her to leave yet so I do the only things I can think of to get her to stay.

"How about a dance before you go?"

"Yeah, we can do that." She replies. Then I realize how badly I've screwed myself over. I've been doing a great job behaving myself with her, but my body has already made it blatantly clear that it wants Sookie. I've seen how the woman moves while she was on stage, hell I memorized how well she moved on that stage. And now my brilliant plan to get her to stay is to drool all over her on the dance floor. I swear I'm smarter then this.

She grabs my hand and steers us to the dance floor. Once she begins to move I'm stuck. I'm moving too, quite well since I know how to dance, but my brain is stuck. It's no longer in control of any of my thoughts. My cock seems to have taken over. I want to hold her… touch her… smell her… taste her...

I get the chance when the next song starts. It's a slow song and I grab her hand before she's able to leave the floor. She looks up at me and smiles before she rests her head against my chest before we start moving across the floor. She feels so perfect in my arms. I lean down and breathe in deeply taking in her scent. It takes me a moment to realize the slow song has ended and that a fast paced song has already started. I am slightly relieved to see Sookie has just figured it out too. Is it possible she was as lost in me as I was in her?

When she looks up at me I watch as she mentally shakes herself out of whatever she had been feeling before. Then she smiles one of her beautiful full mouth smiles up at me. She goes up on her tip toes and pulls me down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek. She thanked me for the dance before she turned to leave. I watched her say goodbye to the rest of her friends before she makes her way to the door to leave. I worry for a minute about her leaving alone, but I see Tray as he waves goodbye to me before he follows her out.

I decide to sit back down at the table with Pam. I ask her what happened to everyone else and she informs me that Alc, Maria-Star and Sam already bailed so it was just us. So I decide to ask her about Tray and Sookie.

"How long have they been together?"

"Alc and Maria-Star have been together about 6 months now. She's good for him." She states.

"No, I meant Tray and Sookie." She nearly jokes on her drink.

"They aren't together, never have been. Don't believe what you read in the tabloids, Eric. They live together that's all."

"Is she dating anyone?" I ask. I know I shouldn't but the question is outta my mouth before I could stop it. I knew Sookie wasn't ready for any kind of relationship.

"Why you interested?" Pam snarked. I looked down at my hands. "Holy shit you are, aren't you? Damn it Eric. I don't think that's such a good idea, especially not right now with all that's gone on."

"Yeah I know, I wasn't thinking. Just forget it."

"Look Eric, I've known you a long time. You've turned out to be a great guy, but I wasn't kidding when I said she'd hurt you. She's not emotionally available and you need that in a relationship."

"Is she hung up on someone?"

"No, I don't think so. Listen I can't talk about this with you. I just want to make sure you understand that if you let anything happen between the two of you, there's a lot at stake. Not only to the progress she's made, but yours too." I know she means well, but without real answers I'm just not ready to give up on the idea that there is something special between Sookie and myself. I tell Pam goodnight and head home.

Once I'm in my bed I remember how great it felt to hold Sookie and the feel of her lips on my cheek. Then I remember Pam's warning. After going back and forth in my head about what I wanted and what Sookie needed I decide that for now I would stick to getting my job done. It just so happened that my job description entailed getting to know Sookie. And once I got to know her maybe what I wanted would be the same thing that Sookie needed. A life with someone that I felt connected to.

**They're all property of CH. Big thanks to all of you that do take the time to review. Oh and Ch 8 is almost done so with any luck it should be on here in the next couple of days. I'm sure that extra reviews would get me extra motivated to get it done extra quick. Yes I am pandering for reviews, can you blame me?**


	8. Chapter 8

I think that FF not working, worked out in my favor, more people are giving my story a chance since there wasn't much choice.

SPOV

I survived the business brunch I had with Pam and raced home to get ready for my interview with Eric. Pam was weird all through the brunch, but after several failed attempts to figure out why, I gave up. She has respected my need for privacy over the years, so I decided to let her have hers.

While I jumped in the shower my mind drifted to the night before. I had an interesting time, for many reasons really. I didn't have anything to drink which felt odd, since I was sitting in a bar and all. I even enjoyed myself around a newcomer without any social lubricant and that was new. It was definitely odd that Eric had been the one to pull me off of Quinn 6 years ago. Then there was watching the people I know and love interact with Eric like he was one of us, I wasn't sure how I felt about that yet. I don't trust quickly so all the feelings of wanting to trust him are freaking me out big time.

Tray and I talked about what was going on in my head on our way home. He was grinning from ear to ear the whole time I talked. He told me he wasn't sure whether he was happier about me actually divulging the inner workings of my mind or the fact that I had "feelings" for someone. Of course, I had to deny any and all alleged feelings, but I highly doubt Tray bought it.

I'll have to go over all of this when I meet with Claudine again tomorrow. She's the therapist that Eric referred me to all those weeks ago. She's encouraged me to talk to Tray about the all of the people I lost as a child since he actively dealt with the loss of his wife and baby girl. As always, Tray is incredibly supportive and I have begun to really question why I allowed myself to become so closed off.

Claudine also has me abstaining from all mood altering substances for 60 days (23 days to go). That way "we" can figure out whether or not my natural brain chemicals need to be altered with prescription drugs or not. It's not the alcohol that I am counting down for, it's the coffee. I'm not even allowed to have caffeine- no coffee people, that's just inhumane. In the meantime, Sam has me taking ginkgo biloba, ginseng and vitamin B12. The sick bastard keeps waking me up to do his yoga shit to make up for the lack of my morning cup of brain juice. Even though it's apparently working (I will never admit it to Sam), it's just not the same instant gratification I get from a cup of hot coffee. And if you bother to look at my life you'll realize I'm all about instant gratification.

Sam may be completely behind the no coffee rule, but the pot one has thrown him for a bit of a loop. He is actively lobbying for the band to move to California, with the belief that any therapist out there would take one look at me and announce my need for prescription marijuana. I told him that he didn't need to give up everything with me, no one else had given up drinking or coffee, but he said he was doing it to show his support. A sober Sam isn't much different from a stoned Sam, oddly enough. In the meantime no more self medicating for me.

The first 3 weeks were the hardest, so far. They were also the most eye opening. I hadn't realized how dependent I had become on the alcohol. I was absolutely petrified of the nightmares coming back full force, but they seem hell bent on surfacing no matter how high I was anyway. Claudine gave me a dream journal that I have been writing every dream and nightmare in. Oddly enough it seems to be working. It was irritating really, since I was already using that concept for my music. I've carried a notebook with me for years, so I can get the music out, instead of being overwhelmed by it. It's like once it gets written down it feels acknowledged and lets go of its hold on me. Not just the music but the dreams/ nightmares as well.

I've only had half a dozen really rough nights. And after writing down everything that I could remember it made me feel like I was able to let it go. I ended up in Tray's room on the worse nights. He told me he didn't need to know what was wrong, he was just glad I was reaching out. I wasn't able to fall back to sleep those nights, but I did find some comfort. It was a reminder that I wasn't in this alone. Claudine never asked to see the journal. It's something that's for my eyes only, although I haven't opened it except to add new entries. And Claudine says that's fine for now.

She also thought it would be a good idea if I abstained from starting any romantic relationships while I was working on myself. I laughed and told her it wouldn't be a problem since I didn't do relationships, even my friendships were a struggle. Then she elaborated that in my case she meant sex of any kind with another person. (Get the underlying subtext- self love ok, sex with others not allowed). She pointed out that I have a tendency to use it to escape my reality when my reality becomes to much for me. When the truth of her words hit me, I felt guilty that maybe I had been taking advantage of Pam for my own selfish reasons. I had a long discussion with Pam about it and she assured me that that has never been the case. She also acknowledged that us having a real relationship would never have happened and that we both knew that. It was just sex between two consenting adults, as far as she was concerned and even if I was using her as an escape she never minded it in the least. Now that Claudine has basically taken everyone of my not so healthy coping methods away, she hopes that I will seek her out to confide why I feel the way I do. She even said it didn't necessarily have to be her, just someone I trusted. I was really beginning to hate that word- _trust._ I have trusted people in my life before and it didn't work out to well.

I decide to stop examining my life and get outta the shower. I throw on a pair of black lace boy shorts and matching black bra. After putting lotion on my arms and legs I grab the clothes I plan on wearing for the day. I decide to throw on my black Dickies, a light pink tee shirt and my studded black leather belt. I brushed out my hair and just put it in a wet, messy bun on the top of my head to dry. Then grabbed a pair of black flip flops on my way downstairs. When I was done getting ready I went to search out Tray, but all I found was a note.

"_Don't worry you'll be great. Relax and have a good time. And remember Eric is a good guy."_

I smiled and then threw the note in the trash so it wasn't read by prying eyes. I had 15 minutes before the Eric was suppose to get here and I was completely wound up. I needed to relax before I started bouncing off the walls. A knock on the door nearly made me jump out of my skin. I opened the door to find Eric wearing the dark wash jeans, a tight white tee shirt and boots. His arm in that shirt alone sent my abstaining libido into over drive. Shit, I couldn't sit here with him alone. I briefly wondered if I could call Claudine and ask for permission to fool around just a little bit if there wasn't a stressful situation I was looking to avoid. Then I realized that maybe the interview itself could be seen as a stressful situation. And with that decided, I move on to plan B.

"Hey, I'm feeling a little cooped up. I was hoping we could do this out doors."

"Yeah that sounds good. What did you have in mind?" He asked.

"Did you drive here?"

"Yeah, I'm parked right outside."

"Kay, can I have your keys?"

"No, but I can drive you where ever you wanna go."

"Oh come on, you're not gonna let me drive your car? It's not like I can't afford to have it repaired if I do anything to it. This isn't because I'm a woman is it?" I know it's not I'm just hoping that playing the sexist card will get me what I want.

"You being a woman has nothing to do with it, I don't let other people drive my car, even if they can afford to fix it. You can even ask Pam, she's been asking for years and she still hasn't driven it." I already knew that too. I actually agreed to a bet with her, during brunch, that I could get him to let me drive it. I just wasn't planning on trying to win the bet the first day he and I hung out.

"How about I make you a deal?" I ask.

"And what would that be?" Well this might be easier then I thought if he's willing to negotiate.

"I'll answer any question you want. Just one. And I'm not talking about the interview questions about the band, you're already getting answers to those."

"Maybe I don't need answers to any other questions." He was full of shit and he knew it. So I just waited him out. "Fine, you can drive, but you better not tell Pam because I'll deny it ever happened." Damn I guess I'll have to suffer in silence knowing I won a bet against Pam, that may very well be one of life's true hardships.

"Kay, so what's your question?" I waited for him to ask me about Bill or whatever else he might have dug up on me and was surprised by his reply.

"I'll ask it later, after I figure which questions are free." He is a smart guy I'll give him that. But the fact that he was trying to hide his pout didn't go unnoticed by me.

"Are you pouting?"

"No, but lets get this over with before I change my mind." He was so pouting. It made him look incredibly cute. Wrong direction Sookie. He led me to a pristine 1959, cherry red, convertable corvette with the white detail on the sides. The car even had white walled tires. No wonder he didn't let anyone one drive it. Shit, I even felt a little bit guilty that I got to drive it.

When I started the engine, I looked over to see if he was going to change his mind or not. He was just sitting there shaking his head in what I assumed to be disbelief that he was actually allowing me to drive his car. "Are you sure you're okay with me driving?"

"A deals a deal Sookie, no backing out of it now." He said still grimacing slightly.

Instead of tormenting him further, I take off heading towards our undisclosed location. It takes 20 minutes for us to reach Forest Park Cemetery. I looked over to see his reaction to my choice of locale. "Hope you don't mind cemeteries." I say as I park the car and move to get out.

"No I don't mind them at all, actually, but out of curiosity sake why did you pick here?"

"Ah, is that your question?"

"Nope." Damn, can't blame a girl for trying to get out easy.

"Well I'll answer it anyway. I like walking in cemeteries because it's quiet and no one bothers me. I get to be outside and undisturbed." And they reminded me of walking with my Gran in the one that was next door to her house before she passed away. And before that my brother and I would play hide and seek behind the headstones when we went to visit her, but I don't tell him any of that. I look up at him and see that he is smiling at me. "So you're not weirded out?"

"Not in the slightest." He gestures for me to walk ahead of him thru the gates. It's still warm out in October, but not unbearably so like the summer months. We walk silently next to one another for the next 15 minutes. I can hear people in the distance, birds in the trees and the sounds of unidentifiable insects around us. But he hasn't made a noise, other then his breathing.

"So I was under the impression that you were here to ask me questions about my rise to fame?"

"Is there somewhere around here you usually sit. I prefer to interview people when I can watch them and their reactions. Right now I am more preoccupied with not falling into an open grave." I led him over to a little bench that wasn't too far away and we sat down.

"Do you mind if I record the interview? It's more accurate then taking notes and it allows me to focus on what you're saying and not what I'm writing."

"No that's fine." I watch as he pulls a small hand held recorder from his pocket. He smirks at me and makes an obvious display of pushing the record button. He then points to the little red light on it before he begins. I don't know if it was the walk out here or just being surrounded by calm, but I am finally starting to relax.

"Is there somewhere you want to start?" He asks.

"What am I suppose to say here?" I take a deep breath and answer in my best rock star impersonation. "I am just a stupid girl, that's all I was ever meant to be. You can ask anyone who knew me, I was nothing to anyone and everyone. It's not that I'm not nice, I just tend to not get along with the majority of people I meet. I could blame several occurrences in my life for it, but I like to take responsibility for who I've become.

And who am I you ask, I am me, in all my glory, I am Susanna Stackhouse. Lead singer of the band True Blood. I'm the stupid girl that decided to tell a whole town to fuck off."

"Very funny." He is looking down when he says it, but then he raises head and looks directly at me when he begins to speak again. "You can't believe all of that, can you? You can't believe you were ever stupid after all you've accomplished, Sookie. You are an extremely gifted and talented person. I have asked all the people that matter, the ones that know you. And they all believe that you are an exceptional person. Every last one of them believe in you and what you can do. You shouldn't care about what anyone from your past thinks. The people who know you now would do anything for you. You mean the world to them." He can't possibly know how they feel about me because they don't know who I really am and how can you truly stand behind a person that hides themselves from you. There's finally a break in the praise and I am grateful for it. "The nice thing is debatable since you nearly chewed my head off backstage for trying to help out. Not to mention that I saw what you did to Quinn. And I already heard from Tray and Alcide about how Alcide joined the band." Oddly enough I am slightly embarrassed of the way he might see me. He continues before I can make a comment on what he's saying. "And you should take credit for all of your success and fame, despite all the ugly you've had to endure in your life, you have accomplished something incredible. And maybe that whole town needed to be told to fuck off."

My head is reeling. What started out as a slightly self deprecating rant on my part, turned into a view of the way he just might see me. I'm not sure how to process the praise from someone I barely know, but realize that I do owe him an apology and decide to start there. "I guess I should have apologized, last night, for being rude to you that night backstage, but there is no way I am apologizing for Quinn or Debbie."

"No apology necessary. I am sure it had more to do with the situation then myself." He winks at me. I wonder how much Bill told him about our situation. I start to worry about being here and what questions he might ask. I also worry about the deal we made, but his next question stops my worry. "Why did you decide to start going by Susanna, I like Sookie, it suits you?" The smile he gives me seems to relax me even more. I take a deep breath before I answer his question.

"It's the name on all my identification. I didn't feel the need to tell perfect strangers to call me a childhood nickname. Now only the people close to me call me Sookie. It's also a way for me to mentally establish what's real and what's not." He asks me how so and I explain. "Susanna isn't real, she's the onstage sex kitten, my mask. Sookie is the nickname my brother gave me, I don't remember how he got Sookie from Susanna, but it definitely stuck. She's who I am and reminds me where I came from." I shrug trying to get myself over the shock over bringing up my brother.

"Want me to change the subject?" He asks and I nod yes, completely relieved not to have to dredge up old ghosts. "When did you move to Shreveport?" Relief takes over my body once again and I willingly take the chance to go down another path of this tricky conversation.

"I left the week after my 18th birthday. I had planned to get the hell outta there when I turned 18, but I had an obligation that I needed to fulfill." I know he can tell I'm getting uncomfortable again, but instead of asking me to explain he waits quietly for me to start talking again. "I moved to Shreveport and got a room at the cheapest motel I could find. I only had a few grand saved so an apartment wasn't gonna happen. Motel's have furniture, so it was one less expense outta my pocket and I wasn't sure I even wanted to stay in Louisiana. But I found a job while I tried to decide where I wanted to go. I ended up working at a music store, the kind that sells instruments not CDs. I had been there about a month before I finally sat down at a piano and played. When I was real little I played with my Gran, she told me I had a gift. I never understood that other people didn't feel what an instrument was capable of, til I started working there.

I watched people taking lessons everyday and after everyone left to go home I sat down and played. Then I started to wonder if I could play guitar as well. It took a little while longer to figure out, since I'd never played one before. But once I got the hang of it, playing the guitar was just as easy as the piano. I spent a year and a half teaching myself everything I could about every instrument in there. When I was at the hotel I listened to the radio constantly. Then the next day before we opened or after we closed I tried to play what I was hearing on the radio. I played everything I could think of that reminded me of my parents and Gran. My Gran was the one that introduce me to Leonard Cohen's music. The ladies of her church group would probably have been mortified if they ever found out, but she never cared much about what others thought. And when my brother, Jason, was still alive he and I would pretend we were different rock stars and sing to their songs when they came on the radio. I was always Joan Jett and he was always David Lee Roth from Van Halen. I have been singing for as long as I can remember." I hadn't realized that I was crying until he reached over and wiped the tears from my face. I cleared my throat and got my tears under control. "Sorry about that, I kinda rambled on there, didn't I?"

"No it's fine, really. It's good to remember the good times with the people we've lost." When I talked to Tray weeks earlier about the loss of both of my parents, brother and grandmother. He told me Eric had already told him about it. Tray wasn't upset that I hadn't told him just concerned that I held it in for so long.

"That's what Claudine and Tray have been saying. It just hurts to remember what I lost." And how much it cost me to lose them, I add quietly to myself. I look up and watch the leaves of the trees sway in the light breeze as I try to collect myself. Then in an attempt to distract myself from my darker memories I decided to ask Eric a question. "So Tray said you lost your parents as a child, too. Do you mind telling me what happened, since you seem to know so much about me?"

"No I don't mind at all. Like your parents, they died in a car accident. I was 13 years old. It was their regular Friday night date night and they had gone out to dinner. It was only 9 o'clock when a cop came to the door. I was scared when I heard the someone knocking because I wasn't allowed to open the door if my parents weren't home. I didn't answer the door til the cop identified himself as the police. When I opened the door he told me my folks had been hit by a drunk driver and my mom had passed instantly. My father only lived long enough to let the arriving officer know that I was at home and needed looking after." I watch as he runs his fingers through his hair. I can see him steel himself against his own harsh reality. "I didn't know what I was suppose to do or who to call since my parents didn't have any family left. The cop hadn't realized how young I was at first but once he learned I was a minor he called social services out to pick me up until things were figured out." He stops there and a hard look takes over his features. He doesn't continue, but I'm not sure there is much more for him to say really. I felt sorry he didn't have anyone to go through that with, at least I had Gran. That may have only lasted a few years but it was better then being alone.

"Shit, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through that."

"And I'm sorry you lost your family too, Sookie. You know if you ever need someone to listen, I'm here." I felt a connection to him, I wasn't sure it was from our similar pasts or maybe something more. I knew I could talk to him about the loss of my family, but it wasn't the loss of them that had tormented me over the years, that was just the event that happened to set in motion the things that I wished I could forget. Instead of going further into a deep discussion about shit I didn't want to think about I decided to make light of the situation we're in.

"Oh course you'll listen Eric. You're being paid to." He laughs.

"Yeah, but I'm not doing this for the money." Well that's news to me.

"Must be the fame then, huh?"

"Not hardly. I am actually one of the lucky people who float through life on their inheritance, doing whatever pleases me."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I have plenty of money from my parents estate. But I like working. I also like learning about different people and music. So deciding to become an entertainment journalist was easy."

"Wow, I have to say it makes me feel slightly better that you won't divulge my secrets to the world just so you can pay your rent."

"I wouldn't do that anyway Sookie." I worry that I might have offended him, but he continues with a silly flirtatious grin on his face. "So does that mean you'll being sharing all your secrets with me, Sookie?"

"You seem to have been able to find out a lot of my "secrets" without my telling you. Then there is the matter of the free pass on that one question that I promised. So I think I've shared plenty." I am starting to feel completely exhausted after the emotional rollercoaster I've been on this afternoon.

I realize that we might be on the same wave length when he offers a change of scenery.

"So are you getting hungry? I could go for some ice cream or something. I think I've got enough for today." He turns off his recorder, stands up and offers me his hand to help me up. His hand is cool to the touch and incredibly strong. His hand completely envelopes my own. I'm hesitant to let him go, but I can't justify the need to hold onto him. I think I see a flash of disappointment cross his face when I finally let go of his hand.

"Ice cream sounds perfect." I say and turn to start heading back to the car. I only take a few steps before I realize he's not behind me. When I turn around to ask what's going on, I see him standing there with his hand out expectantly. It only takes me a minute to figure out he's waiting for the keys to his car. I laugh at him and dig them out of my pocket. Dangling them in the air I ask, "Did you want these back?"

"I guess that depends on what I get if I let you have them for a little bit longer."

"I have to say I am surprised at your willingness to allow me to drive your car again. Especially, after all that hype about you not letting anyone else drive it. It can't be because my expert driving skills has alleviated all of your fears, is it?"

"Expert driving skills aside, I was curious if letting you drive again got me another question."

"You haven't even used your first one."

"I know, but if I have lots of questions." He simply replies.

"In case you haven't noticed or maybe you just don't realize it, but I have been more open with you then I ever thought I'd be." His looks slightly triumphant at that.

"And why do you think that is, Sookie?"

"Is that your question?" He shakes his head no.

"Then I'm not answering it." I slide out of my flip flops and pick them up. "Further more since I have the keys I don't have to wait here with you." With one last look at him I take off running towards the car. I'm not stupid, I know I can't outrun a guy that's a foot taller then me and not to mention in really great shape, but I wasn't willing to stand there any longer. God knows what he could get me to admit to. He let me make it about 10 feet from the gate before he swooped me up, swung me around and held me in his arms. I was laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. He was still holding me hostage a when I had finally calmed down and looked him in the eyes. In that instant things changed. God damn it I wanted to kiss him, but I needed to take care of me first, so I didn't ruin whatever might be happening between us. I kind of shocked myself with the idea that I actually was thinking about an us, not just a temporary hook up. He was watching me closely and I wasn't surprised when he set me down. I tried to explain it to him, that I felt something, but I couldn't go there right now. I stood motionless as he raised his hand and put a loose piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I understand Sookie. I know you can't right now. I'd like to get to know you. I'd like to be your friend." I was so relieved that he understood and I wanted to ask how he knew, but I handed him the keys instead. I nodded my head yes that I wanted to be friends too.

"So you do realize this means you're buying right?" And he started laughing as we made our way to his car.

**THEY BELONG TO CH**

This has been almost done for over a week, I even thought I'd have it ready for you on Monday. Then my husband went out of town for the week and I still thought hey I'll have extra time while he's gone. Then a shit storm of things needed to be done at my kids school and I apparently decided I should be the one to do them and somehow along the way I ended up being a coach at the jr high. Huh?

Anyways thanks so much to those of you that take the time to review. I have a few very loyal reviewers that I really appreciate hearing from after every chapter.

If I had a review for every computer that looked at my story I'd have over 900 reviews. I wonder how many people read the stories for those that have a hundreds reviews. So if you wanna review and just aren't sure what to say how about a Cold Stone Ice Cream approach… "Like It"…. "Love It"…. "Gotta Have It" or maybe the opposite was true for you… "Hate It"… "Can't stand it"… "Can't believe I wasted time reading it". I'm a big girl I can take it.


	9. Chapter 9

Okie dokie. This is a hard chapter and it's going to be very, very sad, so here's your warning.

EPOV

Sookie has been quiet since we left the cemetery. I was beginning to worry that maybe this afternoon had upset her more then she had let on. I asked her a few times if she was okay and she simply nodded her head. It wasn't til I noticed her fingers playing across her thighs that I stopped worrying. I remembered what Tray had said about her and her music. My assumption became more then likely when I heard her start humming. Whatever she was humming wasn't what was on the radio and once I figured that out I decided to turn the radio off so I could listen to her instead.

She seemed to come back to the hear and now when I pulled into a parking spot in front of the ice cream parlor. We decided to sit outside after ordering our ice cream cones. It only took a few seconds before I realized getting ice cream with Sookie was the stupidest thing I could have done to myself. I had unknowingly signed myself up for 10 minutes of excruciating torture.

I watched as her full lips closed around the top of her ice cream cone and suck small amounts into her mouth, then her tongue would flick out to lick the ice cream from her lips and when it began to melt I watched as her tongue swirled around the base of the ice cream where it sat in the cone, she was killing me. In the end it was the humming that had me wanting to defile her in public. The humming wasn't the same humming she had done in the car on the way here, at all. It was humming that denoted something pleasurable. I couldn't help but wonder if those were the same noises she made while she did other pleasurably things. Or maybe it was the sound she made while pleasurable things were done to her. My thoughts were racing, I was uncomfortably hard and then embarrassed when Sookie had to point out that my ice cream cone had not only melted onto my hand, but all the way down my arm and onto the table. She got up to grab me some napkins and I took the opportunity to throw out the rest of my uneaten ice cream before she got back. After cleaning up most of the mess I excused myself to the restroom so I could wash the stickiness from my hands. And since my mind had been permanently high jacked by my cock, I began to think of other sticky substances I would rather be washing away from my hands.

I used my time alone in the restroom to wash up and to try to calm the fuck down. When I returned to the small bistro table outside I was equally relived and disappointed that she had finished her ice cream cone. She asked if I was ready to go and since I couldn't think of any reason to stay, I reluctantly took her home. Once we were back in the car she went back to her humming. I didn't mind in the least that nothing else was said, I was just happy to be with her while she seemed so content.

After saying our goodbyes and making plans to meet up again in a few days I watched as Sookie make her way into the house before I took off. Instead of heading home, I decided to head over to Pam's to drop off my first article. She answered the door brusquely and asked me to follow her back to her office since she was in the middle of something. I looked at her bookshelves while she finished what she was currently working on.

"So how did it go?" She asked.

"Great. We went to that cemetery on St. Vincent's."

"Why on earth would you take her to a cemetery?"

"I didn't, she took me." In my car, I added to myself.

"And why are you so damn happy?" I must have had a shit eating grin on my face because she was eyeing me suspiciously. I rolled my eyes at her and decided to distract her with the reason I was there.

"I have the first article done." I handed it to her. I know I could have just email it to her, but I like seeing things printed out, it gives me a better idea of what the finished product will look like.

"The Men of True Blood, I like it. Let me read it over and get the bands approval. Who are you submitting it to?"

"Rolling Stone. I thought we could use tour photos?"

"That'll work. I have some great ones from Maria-Star over there in the filing cabinet. If you wanna go through the pictures now, they're in a file labeled _band photos. _I still have a couple more things here to finish up then I can look at what you decided on." I felt retarded for not thinking to ask Maria-Star for band photos. She's a photographer, she's usually carrying a camera of some kind. It's how she and Alcide met. Yeah Sookie might be distracting me just a little bit.

Pam went back to what she was doing while I leafed through the files in the top drawer of her filing cabinet. When I saw a file for Bartlett Hale, I spent a minute trying to figure out why the name sounded so familiar. Then it clicked, but why would Pam have a file for Sookie's uncle. "Hey Pam, why do you have a folder in here for Sookie's uncle."

"What are you talking about?"

"You've got a folder in here for Sookie's uncle, Bartlett Hale. I was wondering why?" There plain English, she should understand that. Pam still hadn't answered me and when I looked up at her, she looked ill. "Pam, are you okay?" Instead of answering me she bolted from the room. I heard her running down the hall and into the bathroom. By the time I got there she already had her head in the toilet. She was shaking and had tears in her eyes. She was really starting to freak me out.

"Pam, you have to tell me what's wrong." I handed her a wet washcloth and a glass of water and sat down next to her on the floor.

"I… I… I didn't know, I swear I had no idea."

"Pam I can't help if don't tell me what's wrong."

"I didn't know he was her uncle, I had no idea. She never said anything. How could she not tell me?"

"Who didn't tell you what Pam? You aren't making any sense."

"I can't tell you."

"What do you mean you can't tell me? You can tell me anything." At this point my brain started to process everything that had just happened and I really didn't like the assumptions my mind was coming up with.

"No Eric, I can't tell you." I knew by the tone in her voice, she wasn't going to budge. "I have something I need to take care of." She got up and went to the sink and started brushing her teeth. I followed her out of the bathroom and back down the hall to her office.

"Pam, I'm not an idiot. You know I'm going to figure this out. I'm sure I'm already further then you think." I knew this had to do with Sookie and her Uncle Bartlett. It really doesn't take a genius to figure out what Pam had put together that caused such violent physical reaction in her. Seriously how many horrible things can happen between a girl and her uncle that would cause Pam to actually throw up. I know I had already assumed that Sookie suffered from some sort of traumatic event, beyond the many deaths she's had to deal with, but I had assumed it was from someone like Bill (or Bill himself, for that matter). Knowing she had possibly been violated by her uncle had me wanting to hunt the man down and throttle him. For the life of me I couldn't figure out what was in that folder. I'm not a big enough asshole to take the folder and go through it. I was also afraid of what I would find in there.

"I don't give a shit what you figure out Eric. It's not my place to tell you anything." Pam was busy shutting down her computer. Then she walked over to the filing cabinet and pulled out 2 files. She handed one to me, it was the band photos. She put the other one in her bag. "Come on, I'll walk you out." And with that I left.

On my way home I tried to figure out how such a great day could turn to utter shit. What bothered me the most was that I wasn't suppose to know. I had accidentally pieced together something that Sookie didn't want people to know. And I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

PPOV

I can't fucking believe her. I was completely understanding when she decided not to tell me about the deaths of 3 of her family members. Who would want to talk about all that depressing shit? If my parents passed I'm sure I wouldn't feel the need to walk around telling every person I know about it.

I know I'm not the warm and fuzzy type of person that people tell their innermost secrets to. But I am the person they tell their secrets to so I can make sure those secrets don't fuck up their careers. When I asked her, point blank, if there was anything in her past that I needed to be aware of in case someone came forward to sabotage her career, she could have told me then. I understand it was the beginning of our work relationship and she had told me then that there was a possibility that someone could come forward with nude photos of her and possibly some video, but the "guy" had taken it without her permission. She could have told me then who the guy was. I asked her then why she hadn't prosecuted the sleaze bag and she told me she didn't have the proof. I told her if they didn't have her consent than I'd be able to take care of it.

And then that fucking letter came for her, asking for money or "he'd" leak some of the pictures. It wasn't signed, but she knew it was from _him _and she didn't bother to fucking let me know it was from her fucking uncle. Oh god, I feel like I'm going to be sick again.

Who the hell does that to their family, especially after she had already been through so much? Still she should have fucking told me. I know Eric figured it out, but it's her fault for not telling me to begin with. If she had, I never would have let him get anywhere near that filing cabinet. FUCK!

And now Eric's falling for her. That was obvious last night at the bar. She's gonna end up hurting him like she does everyone else around her. I have watched Tray reach out to her countless times only to be denied over and over again. And they weren't even romantically involved. Tray was devastated when he learned about her family from Eric. He said it wasn't upset for himself but for her. Eric needs someone he can share himself with and will share themselves with him. Someone that's emotionally available. He deserves that.

I didn't even bother calling, I just drove over there. I needed to tell her I knew and that Eric knew. I should have paid better attention. I should have asked her more questions. I should have made her tell me.

I pulled up outside her gate just after 6 o'clock. When I got to the door I heard her inside singing. God damn it, I didn't want to do this. I knocked anyway and waited.

"Hey Pammy, Tray and I were just working on a new song." She gives me a hug when I come in the door. "So, to what do we owe the honor of your presence this fine evening?"

"Hey Pam." Tray waved. "You okay?"

"Hey Tray. Everything's okay, but I need to talk to Sookie alone." He nods and goes back to what he was doing. And Sookie leads me back to her room. I shut the door behind me once we we're inside.

"Okay Pam, I know everything isn't okay by that pissy look on your face. So are you going to tell me what's going on?"

SPOV

I watch her pace back and forth a few times before she finally speaks. "Eric stopped by after he dropped you off." She had me freaked out, but as soon as she mentions Eric, I'm at a loss.

"And…"

"He was dropping off his first article for approval. I told him he could use Maria-Star's photos of the tour for the article." I am following along and I still haven't heard anything I should be concerned about. Was there something in the article that I needed to concerned about. Was Eric going to screw over the band. "I was working on some paper work and told him he could get the pictures I had out of my filing cabinet and when he went to get it…" She paused there and I swear to god I was going to slap her if she didn't finish what she was saying. "He saw another folder I had in there."

"God Pam, spit it out. You're making me crazy."

"Bartlett Hale, he saw the file labeled Bartlett Hale." My whole body went rigid. "He asked why I had a file on your uncle." I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. "He doesn't know what's inside and I didn't tell him anything. But I reacted badly, so I'm not sure what he's figured out." I still don't know what to say, so I stay quiet. So Pam continues.

"I just want to know why you didn't tell me, Sookie."

"I couldn't Pam. I can't…" I can hear myself struggling to breath. I can't hold back the sob that has been threatening to break free since she mentioned his name. "I can't… I can't talk about it. Please… please, you have to understand, I can't." I know I'm hyperventilating because my vision is tunneling down to nothing but black. I feel my knees give out and I feel like I'm falling.

8888888888888888888888888888

"Sookie… Sookie can you hear me Sug? I need you to wake up." I can hear Tray get up off of the bed and walk across the room. Someone else sits down next to me.

"Sookie, can you hear me? You need to open your eyes, Sookie." The new voice sounds like Eric, but I can't for the life of me figure out what he's doing here or when he got here. Or for that matter what the hell happened. I slowly open my eyes to find that I was right, Eric was here. "There you are. How you feeling?" I want to tell him I'm fine, but my mind just won't let me. He calls toward the door for Tray, letting him know that I'm awake.

"Can you tell me if you're okay?" I nod my head yes. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" I start thinking about what happened and everything starts flooding back. Pam knows and… Oh god, he knows. I can't deal with this. My breathing starts picking up again and I start to feel light headed. My vision starts getting spotty again and just when I think I might pass out he pulls me into his arms and holds me to him. I can hear him whispering to me and I let myself get lost in the steady rhythm of it, "Shhh, Sookie. It's okay, you don't have to tell me. Just relax, it's going to be okay."

EPOV

I got about half way home before my worry for Sookie got to be too much. I knew Pam was going to see her and I was afraid that this information coming out would be a huge set back for her. I didn't know how far she had gotten in her therapy, but knowing she hadn't told her friends anything about her past, I highly doubted she was ready for a confrontation from Pam about it. Shit, I needed to know she was okay, maybe Sookie is dealing with all the shit she'd been through and maybe Pam was subtle about what she found out. I laughed at myself then, yeah right. Sookie had only been dealing with her past recently and the last word I would ever use to describe Pam would be subtle. Fuck it, I'm going over there. Just to make sure Sookie's okay.

The entire drive there my mind is flashing back to Sookie in her hotel room. How small and fragile she looked in that bathroom. She was just so lost then and I just knew she wasn't ready to be confronted about this, she needed to tell people on her own terms. I feel guilty for being the one to shed light about her very private past to her friends, yet again.

I get to the door and Tray let's me in. "Hey man, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to check on Sookie. Something came up after I dropped her off and I need to see her about it." There that should be vague enough.

"That why Pam's here?" I nod my head yes. "Is it bad, because Pam is the last person that should be telling Sookie shit if it's bad." Just then I hear Pam yell for Tray's help and we both race up the stairs to find out what's wrong. When we get there I see Pam sitting on the ground next to an unconscious Sookie.

"What happened Pam?" Tray's asks.

"I think she hyperventilated. Her breathing was erratic and then she passed out."

"Did she hit her head on anything on her way down?" I ask.

"No, it's like she fell in slow motion." I watch Tray pick up Sookie's tiny body and move her to the bed. He's still trying to get her to wake up, but he's not having any luck.

"Tray, do you have Claudine's number? I think we should call her, Sookie might need help staying calm when she comes to."

"Yeah man, um, can you sit with her while I go make the call." I nod to him. On his way out of the room he glares at Pam and points to the door, letting her know she needed to leave the room. Before he leaves he turns back to me, "Call me if she wakes up." I nod to him, then make my way over to the bed Sookie is on and sit down next to her.

"Sookie, can you hear me? You need to open your eyes, Sookie." After a few moments her eyelids flutter open. I'm worried that she'll freak out that I'm the one that's here and not Tray. "There you are. How you feeling?" The fact that she hasn't said anything hasn't escaped me. I call to Tray to let him know that Sookie is awake. "Can you tell me if you're okay?" She nods her head, but she still hasn't said a word. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" Well that was definitely the wrong thing to say. Her body has started to tremble and her breathing has picked back up again. I do the only thing I can think of, I pick her up and hold her to me. "Shhh, Sookie. It's okay, you don't have to tell me. Just relax, it's going to be okay." I whisper to her. Her body is relaxing and her breathing has evened out, but I'm worried that she might have passed out again. My worry is short lived because she moves and her arms make their way around me, it feels like she's hanging on for dear life. Her head is resting on my chest, as I continue holding her to me and I run my hands through her hair trying to keep her calm. I don't realize Tray has returned until he speaks.

"Sook, you okay?"

"She hasn't said anything and she started getting upset again when I asked if she wanted to talk about it." I say to him, trying to make sure he doesn't make the same mistake I did. He sits down on the bed next to us and offers to take her from me. I don't want to let her go, but he's been her best friend and emotional support for a long time and I understand that she needs him more then some guy she barely knows.

"Hey Sook," he says as he rubs her back slowly, "come sit with me so you don't ruin Eric's shirt." I know he's just teasing her, but I feel like telling them both that she can ruin as many of my shirts as she needs to. I've let go, but she's not budging. Tray notices and smiles at me. "You okay with this?" he asks. God yes, I'm okay with it. I don't get it, but I'm definitely okay with it. So I nod my head yes and try not to smile over being the one she picked, especially since this is still a serious situation.

"What did the doctor say?" I ask as I return to stroking her hair.

"She's on her way here now, she said not to leave her alone and to make sure she doesn't take anything." I understand that they are worried the about her self medicating again. We are both startled when Sookie chooses now to speak.

"That's not gonna happen, I'm 3 weeks away from getting my coffee back." At that Tray starts cracking up, but it's not until I feel Sookie shaking with her own laughter that I join in.

"Hey Sug, you feeling better?" Tray asks.

"How about I get back to you on that." She answers. I don't realize Pam has returned until she speaks.

"I'm sorry Sookie. I didn't mean to upset you." Sookie shutters in a breath and looks at Pam before she answers.

"It's alright Pam. You didn't do anything wrong." We hear the doorbell ring and Pam decides she should be the one to answer it. Pam returns moments later with Claudine.

"Hello everyone." She greats. "Eric it's been a while, how have you been?" Since Sookie has yet to move from my lap I reach out to shake her hand from where I am. There is no way she hasn't noticed that it's Sookie who is reluctantly to leave my lap and she raises her eyebrow at me.

"I'm doing really well. How have you been?" I raise my eyebrow back, because I haven't done anything wrong. I have no idea why Sookie chose me to comfort her at this point and I'm pretty sure Sookie doesn't know either.

"Good, good." Then she turns her attention to Sookie. "So Sookie, how are you feeling?"

"As you can probably tell, I've been better." She chuckles.

"Well how about we excuse these other people, so you and I can talk?"

"Yeah I think we can do that." I was happy to see Sookie so willing to talk this out with Claudine, but I really didn't want to let her go. I knew I had to but I didn't have to like it.

SPOV

I'm left alone with Dr. Crane and oddly enough a huge sense of loneliness. The feeling of being lonely didn't happen until Eric set me down. I almost wished I had asked him to stay. That thought has seriously shocked the shit out of me. I take a deep breath trying not to freak out over the idea that I may have allowed myself to feel reliant on someone I've just met. Someone who knows parts of my past that may very well have him heading for the door. I know what he said when we were leaving the cemetery, but I'm afraid once he gets all the facts about me he will change his mind and even a friendship will be too much for him. Dr. Crane has picked up on my panic and asks if I am alright.

"I'm panicking." I reply honestly.

"About what exactly?" Well now that's the question, isn't it. I'm not panicking about the same thing I was earlier. And I'm not sure which panic I should talk to her about.

"About my past." It was my past that caused the first attack. It's also Eric's knowledge about that past that may have caused him to change his mind about our friendship that caused the last one. The one that she was witness to.

"What about the past?" Stupid therapist wit her self examining questions.

"The thing is Dr. Crane, I'm not really sure. Before you got here it was overwhelming just the thought of it and now it's…" I trail off not knowing how to explain that I am worried about how Eric feels about me and this new information. Or the fact that I even care. Tray has always been there for me and according to him there's nothing that he could learn about my past that could change that. Eric was a whole other kettle of fish.

"Well do you want to tell me about the incident and we can go from there?"

"Pam found out about my uncle." I begin to feel overwhelmed again.

"Sookie, look at me." I do as she says. "Whatever it is, whatever happened it's over now. It's the past and talking about it will help, it may not feel that way, but I promise it will help. By sharing our burdens, it allows others to help us carry them and lighten the load."

I can almost see her point, but the last time this was spoken of ended horribly wrong. I take a deep breath and pull my legs up to my chest and hug my knees to myself. I realize that I need to try her way, since my isn't working. I'm just so afraid. I can feel my heart pounding in my ears when I begin to speak. "After Gran passed," my tears start to fall, "after Gran was gone, my uncle told the state that he'd be my legal guardian. The first couple of years child services would come out and check up on me and see how I was doing. After they decided I was okay with Bartlett they stopped coming to check up on me and him. Bartlett was always telling me how lucky he was to have such a beautiful little girl to look after and how lucky I was to have family that could take me. He told me that if he hadn't taken me in that I would have been sent away to live with horrible people that would hurt me and use me." I stop there, not sure I want to say what happened next. Dr. Crane takes my hand.

"Sookie I know this is hard, but I know you can do this." I try to steel my resolve before I begin again.

**AN(Bail out here, if it's too much)**

"On my 13th birthday Bartlett told me how happy he was that I was a woman now. He said that after he took me out to dinner he had a special surprise for me." I feel myself go numb as my mind starts to see what I am remembering. "He took me out to dinner and said I could order anything I wanted. He said that a lady such as myself needed to be accustomed to being taking care of right. At the time I remember feeling like such a grown up, I felt so special. I had even worn my favorite blue dress and Bartlett let me wear some make up since I was older." I clench my teeth and bite back the emotions I feel starting to rise.

"When we got home he told me to head on upstairs and take a shower before getting ready for bed. When I had finished in the bathroom and returned to my room to get dressed for bed. When I got there Bartlett was sitting on my bed with my hairbrush in his hand. He told me to sit on his lap so he could brush my hair out for me. I remember feeling uncomfortable because I wanted to get dressed first. My body had just recently started changing but my boobs were already really noticeable and the boys at school were treating me different because of them. He told me I had nothing to worry about because we were family. He reminded me then that I needed to do as I was told. I wrapped my arms across myself to hold my towel firmly in place and sat on his knees." I squeezed Dr. Crane's hand before I continued. "He reminded me that he had a birthday surprise for me, but at this point I wasn't so sure I wanted it. He started brushing my hair and moved it to the side when he was finished with each section. When he was done he pulled me closer to his chest and kissed my neck. He told me he loved me and that he had been so lonely before I had come to live with him. He said that he wanted me to feel… to feel loved. I was immobilized by the fear I felt. I was afraid of disappointing him, that he wouldn't love me anymore, that I would loose the last of my family. He could tell I was afraid and he promised that if I didn't like anything he did then he wouldn't do it again. I felt him rub himself against my back and I started to cry. He continued to telling me how much he loved me and tried to shush me as he kept going. After a while I felt him go still, he picked me up and laid me on the bed. He told me how proud he was of me and how happy I made him. He told me then that if anyone found out they would take me away and that I might end up somewhere people might abuse me. I had lost my only friend, Tara, the year before when her step dad beat her up too badly. So I knew there were worse people out there. At the time I remember thinking that what he was doing didn't hurt, he told that's what people do when they love each other."

I was startled when Dr. Crane spoke. "You know he wrong right Sookie? That he should be in prison for what he did." Of course I knew that, but that would me telling people what he did and I didn't want anyone to know, not after what happened the last time someone found out.

"I know now what he did was wrong, but I really don't want people finding out what happened. They can't know. I made him stop. He was mad, but I made him stop. He didn't follow through with his promise not to do it again." I stopped, I was feeling out of control again.

"Remember Sookie, it's in the past, it's not going to happen again. You can do this."

"It went on for 2 years like that. He would touch my chest and kiss my neck while he touched himself. I wasn't an active participant I was just in the room with him while he…" I trail off there and take a deep breath. "When he tried to actually have sex with me I told him I couldn't. That the reverend at church said that our virginity was a gift for our husbands. There was a girl at school, Arlene, she was a year a head of me and she had gotten pregnant that year. Everyone started treating her horribly when they found out, even the guy that knocked her up. Her family ended up having to move after people found out. I told him then that I had learned at school that what he was doing wasn't alright and that if he didn't stop he was going to jail. That was all it took, he promised he'd never do it again and that he was sorry for what he had done. After that he stayed away from me and I stayed away from him. I started working to save up money so I could leave as soon as I was 18. Between school, work and studying at the library I never saw him. My life felt almost normal by the time I graduated from high school. It wasn't til the week before my 18th that everything feel apart. I felt robbed, I had made it through the 8 years of living with him, I worked my ass off and held down a job and got my high school diploma. I didn't turn 18 til July, so I worked as much as I could so I could take off when I turned 18. I wish I just left after high school ended, I was still doing as I was told then and never challenged authority then. I found out he had pictures of me. He didn't deny it when I asked him about it. He cried and told me it was all my fault. He said he did it because I wouldn't let him love me. I told him I was going to the police and he said that I didn't have any proof so the cops wouldn't do anything about it. I left 2 weeks later."

"Can I ask how Pam found out?"

"Bartlett threatened to release some of the photos. I also learned that he had video of me a well. I know he can get his pay out and be outta the country before anything is done about it. But it's not really about the photos getting out. It's about other people knowing what he did. I don't want that to happen. I had no idea that he'd do this and if I wasn't famous he never would have done this."

"Sookie that's not your fault, none of this is your fault. He is a sick man. You were a minor he will go to jail and so will anyone that touches those photos."

"How do you prove that I am a minor in those pictures? And once they hit the internet that's it there's no taking them back. He's only contacted me once and I sent him the money before I told Pam about it. She told me she would handle it from there." I sigh into my hands. "Can we be done for today?"

"Certainly, I want you to come in tomorrow like we planned." I nod my head in consent but it felt more like defeat. "And Sookie, you did well today. Not only did you not try to numb yourself from it, but you talked about it. I'm really proud of you." I stand up and she hugs me goodbye. She says she can let herself out and I decide to go to sleep. I am so emotionally exhausted that it only takes me a minute before I fall asleep.

**Ok wow I made it through that part, I feel like I big meanie for putting Sookie through that. but now you know what Bartlett did. Bet you wish you didn't.**

**Anyways, please review. If you don't that's fine I still know that you're reading it.**


	10. Chapter 10

EPOV

I left before Claudine did which left me hoping that Sookie was really taking about what had happened between her and her uncle. Claudine told me that the first time a sexual abuse victim speaks, you listen no matter how long it takes. The first time I had talked to her about my godfather, she ended up having her secretary reschedule her next 2 appointments. I hadn't realized how long I had been talking until I was leaving. I apologized for the inconvenience and offered to pay her for the extra time. She laughed and said that a simple IM to her secretary took care of the other patients and that they'd understand. She also said there was no way she was going to charge me extra because she wouldn't have asked me to stop me at such an important time. She laughed and said it wasn't like I would have asked her for money back if we finished early, which didn't happen until my last 2 or 3 visits (not the asking for the money back, but the finishing early).

I met Claudine when I tried out a new bar. Then it wasn't uncommon for me to end up with a different girl or two a night. That life style required that I switched bars every few months or so, you can guess why. Some women were in it just to get their fun too, but others felt used and degraded and they let me know exactly how they felt. There was usually lots of screaming. I made sure they knew that I wasn't looking for anything permanent, but they believed that they would be the one that I would stay with, so I let myself believe that it was them that was in the wrong. On the occasion that I did feel guilty for using the women I was with, alcohol was a great get out of guilt free card, until the next time it happened. The alcohol never completely got rid of the guilt, it just buried it and it all came back up the next time one of my conquests was less then thrilled with my hump and dump game plan.

On the night I decided Claudine should be my next target, I was on an extreme low. The girl from the night before had ended up crying and telling me exactly how used she felt. But unlike the others she wasn't angry with me, she was hurt that I was just another guy that didn't want her. She sobbed as she asked what was so wrong with her that no man wanted her. I had a realization then that there was nothing wrong with her, there was something wrong with me. And even with that realization I still went out the following night. I was drinking heavily and was hoping to find an alternate outlet. I needed to feel good not loathsome and sex had always been that for me.

Claudine was interesting to say the least. She has a way about her that makes you feel comfortable to tell her just about anything. We talked until closing and I was sober by the time we parted ways. So instead of me getting into her pants she got into my head. She was subtle, but by the end of the night she had given me a rather large dose of self introspection. She also gave me her card.

I debated with myself about whether or not I even needed therapy for a week before I finally gave in and made an appointment. Since I had met her while we were at a bar I never called her Dr. Crane. I asked her if it ever bothered her and she explained to me that being on a first name basis with her patience only seemed fitting since her patients were divulging so much of their hidden selves. She also told me that some people felt more comfortable keeping things clinical and preferred to keep calling her Dr. Crane, so it was entirely up to me.

On my first visit she dared me to give up alcohol and woman for a month. She was good at reading people, that's for sure. If she had simply said I needed to give up those things, she would have had an argument, but daring me, insinuated that I couldn't do it. And I fully admit to being cocky enough to need to prove her wrong. She said that I had been using them as an escape and to prove something to myself, she wasn't sure what yet, but she knew there was something underneath it all. During that first month I had not problem talking to her about my childhood and the loss of my parents. I didn't hesitate speaking to her about my womanizing either. But when she asked about the time I spent in between my parents death and my regular one night stands, I clammed up. It was after that month of not hiding behind women and booze that I told Claudine all about living with my godfather, Appius Livius Ocella.

The morning after the night Sookie was confronted with her past, I called Claudine and talked to her about my feeling for Sookie. I was falling for her which meant she had the power to destroy me. I knew she had months and months of healing she needed to do before anything beyond a friendship would be possible, but there was something about her that I needed. I needed her in my life and the more I learned about her the more I realized she just might need me too. I gave Claudine permission to tell Sookie whatever she needed to about my past, in hopes that maybe my story could help her heal. Being at the beginning of a possible friendship with Sookie didn't allow me the closeness to just spill my story to her. I knew we could get to that place, but maybe knowing some of it now from a third party would help her. And then one day we could both share our stories with one another. Claudine said it was my story to tell, but maybe hinting to Sookie that I was a survivor may very well do her some good. Kind of like joining a survivors of sexual abuse self help group, without having Sookie give up her anonymity.

I knew Sookie was probably mortified that I had found out about her uncle, so I hoped that knowing about my past would help her understand that it wouldn't make a difference to me, at all.

SPOV

I spent the next 2 weeks alone in my room. I had Tray call and cancel my interview with Eric. I just wasn't in the mood to see anyone. Tray even ran interference with Sam and Alcide. I felt bad for not telling Tray what was going on, but he reassured me that whatever it was it would never change our friendship, so he didn't need to know unless I wanted him to. The only time I left the house was for my appointments with Claudine. I had started calling her by her first name after I told her about my uncle. It felt odd to keep calling her Dr. Crane considering what she knew about me. I've never really liked doctors, so calling her Claudine made me relax around her even more. It was more like talking to a friend then someone that was analyzing me and my behaviors. She and I talked a bit more about Bartlett, but after everything was out in the open I didn't feel the need to dwell on it. I felt like I could start letting it go, not hide it, but let it go.

I was more concerned with how Eric might see me now. Claudine didn't say anything negative about my almost friendship with him. She said that he and I had a lot in common and a friendship with him could be mutually beneficial. Claudine went on to say that he would probably be the most understanding person I knew to share with all that I endured. I knew that Eric and I had both lost our parents, but inside I knew full well she meant beyond that. I was sick inside at the thought, I had foolishly thought that what had happened to me was because I was a girl. It helped me realize that me being a girl had nothing to do with it. It happened because that man was sick, just as sick as the person that had hurt Eric. I couldn't blame Eric for what had happened to him, just like I couldn't blame myself for what was done to me, any of it. That knowledge made me feel closer to Eric and the idea of seeing him again was no longer overwhelmingly scary. I hadn't realized just how afraid I was that he might not want a friendship with me or even worse that he might use what he knew to hurt me.

It was after that visit that I decided that Tray was coming to my next appointment with me and I finally called Eric to set up our next interview for that Saturday. I didn't want to be around other people just yet and I was sure that what I wanted to tell Tray was going to only reaffirm that, so I asked Eric to come over for dinner. And he could get his interview then. He offered to pick something up on his way, but I told him I would cook for us. I had missed cooking. Being on a tour bus doesn't make cooking meals for yourself all that desirable. So I was on a home cooked meals only stint. Tray loved that perk of our living arrangement, that I loved cooking for us. I was really good at it according to all my guys.

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Tray held my hand all the way to my appointment. I was feeling a little sick inside, but holding his hand only reaffirmed what I already knew. He would always be there for me. I had already told Claudine that Tray was coming with me, so she wasn't surprised to see him there. It wasn't the first time I brought Tray, either. So Claudine had already examined our friendship and knew Tray's roll in my life. It was odd explaining that even though there was an initial attraction, things were never going to heat up between us. When we met, Tray was still morning the loss of his family and felt that having that kind of relationship with me would mess things up between us. I was slightly embarrassed when he turned down my advances, but after he explained why I felt like I could trust him. He didn't take advantage of me and that endeared him to me. After that our relationship was more like a sibling one. He _was _my older brother and in some ways I filled the rolls of his deceased daughter and wife for him. And even though I admit that Tray is an attractive man, the idea of being with him romantically makes my skin crawl. Who wants to make out with their big brother?

Claudine took the lead at my insistence. She explained that I wanted to tell him about what happened to me after my Gran passed away. I also asked her to explain that I needed him to let me get through it all and not to interrupt me. After he agreed, I told him. As I spoke I watched his heartbreak for me come over his face. Along with the heartbreak there was anger. I knew it wasn't directed at me, but what was done to me. Tray has always been protective of me so it wasn't surprising. And when I finally got to the part of knowing it wasn't my fault, I watched pride take over his face. We both had shed lots of tears by the time I was done and when it was over he asked if he could hug me. So I nodded my head yes.

I knew he wouldn't run from the room screaming that I was too messed up, but a teeny tiny part of me felt like this maybe too much for even him to handle. That teeny tiny part of me was squashed when he scooped me up onto his lap and hugged the ever loving life out of me. He whispered to me about how strong I am and how proud of me he was for surviving what had happened. He also told me how grateful he was to me for having trusted him enough to share that with me. God, I had such a great best friend.

I also remembered something at that visit that startled me to my core. I had told Claudine that my uncle had only contacted me for money once, but Pam had said that Bartlett was asking for money and that had been 2 months ago. So much had happened and I'd been too messed up and had forgotten that it needed to be dealt with. When I calmed down enough to speak, I told Claudine and Tray what had me so upset. Tray got a hold of Pam immediately. Thank god she hadn't dropped the ball.

After she explained that she went ahead and paid him, she apologized profusely to me. I told her that she was right, that I should have told her and that I was partly to blame for my current state, not her. She also said she never would have paid him anymore money if she had known who he was. She hired a PI to establish that it was in fact him that was blackmailing me. Pam was getting the evidence that was needed to nail his ass to the wall. If I had told her who he was my lawyers could have gotten permission to search his property with what we had on him already. An ex boyfriend having naked pictures of me was difficult to prove that I hadn't given my consent to. But my uncle having them would put him in a whole mess of trouble. I could have kicked myself, but Tray reminded me that I had only started to come to terms with what had happened and I shouldn't beat myself up for something that happened in the past. He also said that now that we all knew what was going on, Bartlett's extortion days were over. And that his days of walking around freely were nearly over as well.

Saturday was not only the first day I was seeing Eric again, but I also let Tray tell Sam I was ready to start back up with the yoga. When Alcide caught wind that I was pulling myself out of my self proclaimed exile and was planning on spending time with Sam he called and lodged his complaint. I explained to him that he was more then welcome to join us, knowing full well that man was never going to agree to it. He confirmed my thoughts when he offered to come over for brunch instead because there was absolutely no way he was getting his ass out of bed early for that fagotty ass shit and that he didn't care if that shit worked he was still drinking his morning _pot_ of coffee. I laughed and said I'd be right there with him a soon as Claudine gave me the all clear.

That following Monday was the day I went in for my brain scan to see if my brain chemicals needed to be adjusted with medications like Prozac or Lithium. I had a feeling that everything was going to be okay, but I liked the idea of knowing for sure. I have struggled with depression and mood swings that could be caused by manic depression or possibly bi-polar disorder. The last couple of months have been completely irregular for me so I can't really base how I've felt during them as my normal behavior. What I use to do to overcome my anxieties has been taken away from me and replaced with something completely foreign to me, talking about it.

Now that I have been at it for a while I have to say I am proud of myself. With this last big shocker that I was confronted with I realized how much better it was that I was handling things different. Instead of drowning myself in alcohol and using sex as an escape. I actually talked about why I wanted to retreat and hide in the first place. So yes I was extremely proud of myself. And so was Tray and everybody else I had unknowingly let into my life. It was a really weird moment when I realized I wasn't as alone as I thought I was. I had actually amassed a rather large group of friends that all cared about me. That was the largest downside of my alcohol abuse. It wasn't just helping me forget my past, it helped me avoid the fact that I had the support of people who loved me and weren't using me. Love was a very bad emotion in my mind and equaled itself to the abuse I suffered at my uncles hands. I was beginning to look at what he did as something completely separate from love.

Sam was so excited to see me that he forget the no talking rule. Even with all the Ginko Biloba and B12 I was taking, I still wasn't a morning person. Sam apologized for pushing my grumpy button and promised that he would let me get through our yoga session before he told me everything he wanted to say. I wish I could say that I set aside my need for quiet while I woke up so my friend could talk to me, but that just wasn't going to happen.

I hadn't done any yoga for the last couple of weeks and was surprised yet again how much it helped. It didn't just wake me up it brightened my outlook on the day ahead of me. So by the time we had finished I was completely willing to listen to Sam talk about how important I was to him. I told him that he was just as important to me too. He gave me a big hug and when I pulled away so he didn't get the wrong idea he gave me some pretty great news.

Sam had finally given up on the idea that there would ever be an us. That no matter how much he wanted it to happen didn't want it to affect our friendship. After I gave him a hug that I knew I didn't have to hold back from he continued he speech and told me he met someone.

"So her name is Daphne and she's great Sook. I met her in my yoga class. I can't wait for you to meet her." He was beaming.

"Awe Sam, I'm so happy for you. First Alcide and now you. All we need to do now is find someone for Tray." Just as I finished congratulating Sam, Tray joined us.

"Someone for me to what, Sookie?" I was worried he'd be upset, but I told him what we were talking about anyway.

"I was just saying how happy I was for Sam and Alcide that they found someone and that we just needed to find someone for you." It had been 8 years, so I knew I wasn't out of line. I was surprised by Tray's reaction though. He was laughing at me.

"I'm not the only one Sook, what about you?" Ah shit I had walked into that one.

"I'm not looking for anything like just now Tray, remember I have to fix myself first. You on the other hand…." I trailed of there.

"As far as I'm concerned I already found my special somebody and that didn't work out. Besides my hands are pretty full taking care of you." I knew he was just joking, but I couldn't help thinking that maybe me and all my drama was holding him back from a life with someone.

"Tray," was all I got out before he interrupted me.

"Now Sug, you know perfectly well that what your thinking is bullshit. You aren't holding me back from anything. If I wanted to be in a relationship I would be. I just haven't found anyone worth my time yet."

"But wouldn't that be easier with me being around all the time?"

"If this hypothetical girl couldn't handle how close we are then she has no place in my life to begin with. So please don't worry about whether or not you're holding me back from anything, ever."

"But Tray…"

"Look at my life Sookie. I owe everything I have to you. My success is because of you. I'm no longer pining over the loss of my family because of you. You gave my life a sense of purpose it had been lacking since I lost them. Of course I am always going to miss them, but it's not holding me back from living my life anymore. You gave me that and the best friend I could ever ask for. So please don't stand there and try to explain to me that I might be able to get someone in my life if you weren't around. Because anyone worth having in my life would need to accept you as a very important part of it."

"Okay, I get it." I gave up, how could I not. I gave Tray a big hug and Sam came over and joined us.

"Whew, the kids don't like it when mom and dad fight." Sam said and we all started laughing.

Alcide showed up about an hour later with Maria-Star in tow. Sam took off to go pick up Daphne and bring her back here. I took a shower and was pulling our brunch out of the oven when everybody got here. I went all out. I made a frittata with green peppers, onions and ham and cinnamon apple French toast the night before so all I had to do was pop it all in the oven when it was time that morning. I even had some fruit ready to go for Daphne just in case. I knew Maria-Star ate like me and the guys, nice big healthy meals no bird food for us.

Introductions were a little bumpy at first since I asked Daphne to call me Sookie and Susanna and she went a little fan girl on me, but after she got over her initial shock, she mellowed out. Maria-Star had been in the industry long enough not to go all fan girl over us when we met, but she admitted a while back to being intimidated by me at first, especially when it came to Alcide. She also told me that after hanging out with us for a month that she knew she had nothing to worry about. That's how long it took for her to realize Alcide was just a big flirt and that I never took anything he said seriously.

I understood where Daphne was coming from considering how badly I freaked out meeting Joan Jett. It was weird because for me Joan Jett deserved my fan girl freak out and I was just some chick lead singer for a band. Tray laughed at me when I tried to explain it.

"Sookie, you need to accept it. You are a famous rack star. You remember that don't you? It's the reason people follow you in the store now."

"So what you're saying is that now that I am a celebrity, the store security has to watch to make sure I'm not shop lifting?" I smiled.

"Yeah Sook, the cats outta the bag, everybody knows once you've become famous shop lifting is next. It's like a gateway drug." I laughed at Alcide's comeback to my smartass remark.

"You too are retarded." Said Tray. Alcide and I cracked up while everyone else just rolled their eyes at us.

We all took turns asking Daphne questions, so we could get to know her better. And by the time we were done with brunch we all told Sam how happy we were that he had found someone just as _special_ as he was. Instead of being offended by our joke, Daphne smiled and did her best Sally Fields impersonation. "You like me, you really like me!" And with that she only solidified her standing in our little group.

After everyone left Tray offered to do the dishes and clean up, so I could go finish up a book I had been reading. I have always been an avid reader. It was my escape when I was growing up and has filled up a lot of my time while we were on tour. When I was younger all of my books came from the public library, but that doesn't really work when you're traveling across the country. When we actually started making some money, I spent it on books. And by the end of our first tour I had amassed quite a collection. I went through them all and pulled out the ones I knew I would end up rereading and I donated the rest to the public library here in Shreveport. I knew that if they didn't have any use for them they would send it to one of their other branches. Tray got me a kindle halfway through this last tour, but I still up buying half of the books I read.

I must have fallen asleep because Tray woke me up at 4:30 to find out what time Eric was coming over for dinner. I asked Tray to stay and bribed him with homemade fried chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, greens and jalapeño cornbread for dinner. I knew I didn't need to bribe him to stay, but it was my way of telling him wanted him to stay.

"Well that all sounds too wonderful to pass up. So whether or not I stay all depends on if you're making sweet tea or not?" I rolled my eyes at the greedy turd and faked my anger for what I said next.

"That's just not fair Tray. I am days away from being allowed to have caffeine again and you're rubbing my nose in it." He knew not to take me seriously, but changed tactics anyway.

"So then what's for dessert?"

"Well you'll just have to stick around for dinner to find out."

"I guess you're right. So do I need to run to the store for anything?"

"Nope I got it all. I just going to get changed and I'll be out there in a minute to get it all started." Tray was offering suggestions for dessert as he made his way out of my room.

Tray stood in the kitchen with me for the next hour as I got everything cooked and ready to go. He said he was there to keep me company, but really it was just there to steel food whenever my back was turned. I was pulling the cornbread out of the oven when Tray asked what happened to dessert. He had been there the whole time so he knew I hadn't but anything together yet. I just smiled at him while I pulled the peach cobbler from the fridge that needed to go into the oven.

"You mean that's been in there all day?"

"Yep and I even made the peach ice cream, you love, that goes with it." He was torn between being upset that he could have had the ice cream earlier and just being happy that he would be getting his favorite dessert before the night was over. In the end he decided that pushing me out of his way so he could get to the freezer and "taste test" the ice cream would be good enough for now. I was laughing at him when we heard the doorbell ring.

I had been preoccupied with visiting with everyone earlier and cooking that I hadn't let myself get nervous about Eric being here. The second I heard the doorbell my stomach flopped and I felt my pulse in my ears and throat. Tray left me standing in the kitchen to let him in. I was so distracted by my nervousness that I hadn't realized Tray took the entire ice cream container to the door with him. It wasn't tell they came into the kitchen that I realized Tray may have eaten more then a taste.

"Jesus Tray, save some for the rest of us."

"Oh don't worry about that. I gave a bite to Eric." He was grinning from ear to ear. It wasn't til I turned around to read Eric the riot act for being an accessory to Tray's theft that I really looked at him. Shit now I remember why I had to get out of the house with him last time. He had on some rather snug fitting jeans (not that I minded in the least) and a light blue button up shirt that he left untucked. He had rolled the sleeves up to his elbow and the top two buttons were undone enough that I could see the anchor charm on the chain he wore around his neck. I was startled from my thoughts when he spoke.

"I brought these for you." He took a large bouquet of yellow Persian buttercups (they came with a card that said what they were) from behind his back and handed them to me. "I know you said not to bring anything, but you're cooking and I didn't feel right about coming empty handed. And now that I've tasted dessert I feel totally justified in going against your wishes." He explained with the sexiest smirk I have ever seen. I know that the reason I had Tray stay was because I was nervous about being around Eric after he found out about my past, but right now Tray's purpose in staying had turned into something along the lines of a chaperone.

"It's just the topping." I said lamely.

"What's that?" He asked confused.

"The ice cream, it's not dessert, it's just the topping." I sounded like a moron, I know. "And thank you for the flowers, they're beautiful." Yep manners are good. Tray had been silently watching our exchange and decided to help bail me out of my awkward torment by speaking.

"Here Sug, let me take those and put em in some water. Then we can eat right?"

"Yeah, it's all ready, I just need to get it all to the table." Our house was more then big enough for 2 people but wasn't so extravagant that it had a formal dining room. Our kitchen feeds into the family room and between the 2 areas is a large oak trestles table with an ebony stain. I put 3 brown leather parsons chairs on each of the longer sides of the table. I spent a long time shopping for the table and the big selling point for me was that it could accommodate 12 people comfortably when the leaves were put in. The extra 6 chairs were used all around the house. What can I say I'm big on making sure there's enough room for everyone.

Tray had set the table in between stealing bites of food. So with help from them both it only took a minute to get it all on the table. I checked on the cobbler before I grabbed the pitcher of sweet tea I made for Tray and a bottle of water for myself. When I got all to the table I asked Eric if wanted a beer. He said he was fine with the sweet tea. He didn't really look at me when he answered, his eyes had glazed over looking at all the food on the table.

"Is someone else coming or is this all just for us?"

"Um, just us, but Tray and I eat like pigs so there won't be many leftovers." I decided to sit down on the side of the table that was set with only 1 plate, leaving Eric and Tray to sit on the other side. Yes, it was so I could stare.

"Looks good, Sug." Was the last thing Tray said until he was done carefully stacking his plate with large helpings of everything on the table. Once everyone had their plates filled, I realized I forgot something.

"Shit, I forgot to make the salad again." I said with a sigh.

"We never get to it anyway Sook." Tray said with a shrug. And he was right every time I did remember to make the salad it went untouched and ended up being my lunch for the next few days.

"I know we never get to it, but there was suppose to be one. Eric, did you want salad it'll only take me a minute to throw one together?"

"No, I right there with Tray. I would rather fill up with what I have in front of me now. I can't believe you made all this food." He started humming when he took his first bite of the fried chicken.

"You should have come for brunch, man. She made this egg thing in the oven that's like a big Denver omelet casserole and cinnamon apple French toast." Tray said through a mouth full of food.

"I wasn't invited." Eric pouted and I laughed at him for it. "Jesus, Sookie where did you learn to cook like this? This really, really good."

"My friend Lafayette, taught me. He owns the restaurant I use to work at before I moved to Shreveport. God, I haven't talked to him in forever. I lived off of his burger Lafayette. All his food is so bad for you, but it all tastes so good it's worth the extra time in the gym, huh Tubby?"

"Every damn minute." Tray agreed.

EPOV

"I met Lafayette when I went down there. I had no idea you worked there. He is very protective of you. I asked him if there was anyone around that knew you and he told me to finish my food and take a hike." I laughed. "Even when someone he called Miss Maxine tried to talk to me, he wasn't having any of it. He shut her right down." She visibly flinched when I mentioned the woman from the diner. So I decided to talk about Lafayette instead. "You're right about that Burger Lafayette, though. I've been thinking about making the drive back down there just so I can have one. I just wasn't so sure he'd let me in the door long enough to order one." She smiled again when I mentioned her old boss.

"How is he doing?" She asked.

"I don't think I'm qualified to answer that. Has he always worn purple eye shadow and had a heavy penchant towards glitter?" Sookie was nodding her head.

"Leave it to Sook to make friends with the only guy willing to wear makeup in some backwater hick town." Tray laughed.

"Oh that's not the half of it. He's probably as big as you are. He's also black and openly gay." Not that it mattered to me, but you can bet your ass it mattered to the people living in that town.

"Oh, but he's such a sweetheart. I use to ask him all the time why he didn't move somewhere less "oppressing." He'd just laugh and say that hate's everywhere and that he's just doing his part to build tolerance in the community."

"You should call him Sookie. I'm sure he'd love to hear that you're doing all right." Tray said. "Maybe he could come for a visit. I know I'd like to meet him." I watched Sookie eyes get glassy from unshed tears as Tray spoke.

"You're right Tray, I should." She said. I was worried that I might have upset her by bringing up her past, but it wasn't really me that did it, it was her. And I could tell by the look on Tray's face how happy he was that she was sharing a bit of her past with him.

"So does that mean you know how to make burgers Lafayette?" I asked.

"No, he never gave away that secret to me. He said it was the only way he knew I'd come back and visit him." She looked sullen at that and Tray went around to her side of the table and gave her a hug.

"Don't be so sad, Sug. It's only a burger." She giggled at him. "And maybe if he comes out for a visit, he'll let you in on the secret. It's just not fair that I haven't had one and y'all have." She gave him a dirty look, then an slapped him on the arm and started laughing.

We spent the rest of the meal talking about them heading into the studio next month to start working on their next album. Sookie proclaimed that the upside of her shitty past was that there was always something to write about. She said she had written over half of the songs and couldn't wait to get back into the studio, so she could focus on something other then herself for a while. It was great to hear her mention her past even jokingly around me. I had been so afraid that she would never want to see me again. It had been a huge relief when she finally called and invited me over for dinner.

After we finished up eating Tray and I kicked Sookie out of the kitchen. It was only fair that we cleaned up since she had done all the cooking. Tray sent her to find something to watch. By the time we were done the buzzer to the oven was going off. Tray looked like a deer caught in headlights, his whole body froze. The next thing I knew Sookie was running back into the kitchen yelling.

"Tray Dawson don't you even think about getting into that cobbler. You'll burn your tongue right outta that head of yours." Tray watched Sookie pull the cobbler from the oven and I swear I heard him mutter a pray of thanks for it. "It needs to cool off for at least 10 minutes." She said to him. He looked like a little kid while he waited for it to cool. And after about 5 minutes he started his argument for why he didn't need to wait any longer.

"Sook, it's ready right now. It's what the ice cream is for. It cools it off." He begged.

"That's what you said last time. And you ended up burning your tongue bad enough that you couldn't taste anything for a week." Her arms were crossed in front of her and I no longer cared if she was upset or that there was dessert. Holding her arms that way made her cleavage even more noticeable in her tight scoop neck tee shirt. And her hip was cocked to the side reminding me just how nice the curves of her body were, especially in the black skinny jeans she had on. My mouth was watering right along with Tray's, but for an entirely different reason.

"Can't we at least put them in the bowls, that way they cool off quicker." He continued.

"Yeah, I guess so." She sighed at him.

It was almost ridiculous watching a grown man very carefully dish out 3 bowls of cobbler like he was diffusing a bomb. And I probably would have teased him about it, but I was too busy trying calm down. By the time I calmed down enough to make fun of him the cobbler had cooled enough to add the ice cream and eat it. Sookie warned us that it was very hot and that we still needed to be careful. I'm pretty sure I was the only one listening to her at that point because Tray was shoveling his first bite into his mouth. And yes Sookie was right it was still hot, very hot. Tray breathed through the burn and put another large bite of ice cream in his mouth to help cool it off. He was making a funny sounds that oddly enough sounded like he was saying it was hot.

"Hot, no you don't say. The boiling hot sugar from the oven, that Sookie has spent the last 10 minutes reminded you how hot it was, is hot. No it can't be." Sookie and I laughed when he flipped me off.

"I don't care if it is hot, it so good." He cooed when he recovered.

After Tray's display I was very careful taking my first bite. I wasn't willing to make an ass out of myself in front of Sookie just yet. And I was rewarded handsomely for my patience. It was not only the best cobbler I've ever eaten but probably the best dessert I've ever had. I couldn't say it was the best thing I've ever eaten because that was the dinner she made before.

"I feel guilty." I said as I finished my first bite.

"For making fun of Tray?" She guessed.

"Not what I meant, but I do feel guilty for that, too. I feel guilty for only bringing you flowers. I should have bought you a car." She laughed at that.

"Well if you're offering, I don't mind taking the one you brought with you off of your hands." She smirked at me.

"Yeah, not gonna happen. But maybe I'll let you drive it." Her smiled brightened at that.

"Really? And I can tell Pam?" I'm not sure if it was the sugar talking or maybe I was in a food coma, but I agreed. I'm sure I'd kick myself for it later, but right now this dessert was all that mattered. I was safe from Pam anyway. There was no way she'd ever be able to make anything this good.

"Hey, you wouldn't even let me sit in the driver seat." Tray complained. I was surprised he was even coherent and when I looked at him I figured out why. He finished his first piece and was in the middle of dishing up seconds.

"Do you know how to make this?" I asked.

"Fuck no, she won't even let me in the room when she makes it."

"That's so you don't get rid of me. I know it's the only reason you keep me around." She piped up.

"Well that and Gran's pecan pie." She laughed at him.

"What'll that cost me?" She just laughed harder at the two of us and I can't really blame her. She tamed us with a cobbler. Of course, I really didn't mind being tamed by her. It was just a huge bonus that I could blame the cobbler for being tamed so quickly.

**So better then the last chapter. I was so afraid of your reviews for that one. But you were very kind. So this chapter had even more info in it for you. And even some happy stuff. Anyways I'd like to say thank you to all of you that take the time to review regularly and a totally separate thank you to those of you that reviewed for the first time. And as always voyeurs welcome.**

**Please review. They make me write quicker.**

**PS I didn't proof read this, so please excuse any mess ups. **


	11. Chapter 11

SPOV

Tray took off to go meet up with Sam and Alcide at the bar after he was done with his dessert. I told him I was fine and that he should go out. He had been sitting at home taking care of me for the last 2 weeks. I have to admit I was a little worried about my self control being left alone with Eric, but I kind of wanted to talk to him about what Claudine had said. That wasn't something that Tray should be present for. And it was also a subject that would definitely detour my brain from going anywhere near the gutter that it seemed to live in when Eric was around.

I grabbed another water bottle for myself and a beer for Eric before we went to sit down on the sofa in the family room. I sat down in the corner of our overstuffed sectional (my favorite spot), and threw a blanket over my legs. Eric sat down an appropriate distance away and put his feet up on the coffee table in front of him. I watched as he reached into his pocket to pull out his recorder.

"Hey, before you turn that on can I talk to you for a bit?" It was a true testament to how much better I was doing now that I was actually initiating a conversation about my past.

"Sure." He said hesitantly. "Is it about the article on the guys? Pam said you guys all okayed it."

"No, it's not that, but just so you know I thought the article was great. I know the guys are really excited about it." He looked relieved at that. "They've never minded talking about their lives to the press. They just decided that since I wasn't willing to, they wouldn't either. Pam liked the idea and said it would add the mystery to the band, so we agreed to only answer questions about the music and tour dates."

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"Claudine, um, she had kinda said that I could talk to you about my past, that you would understand…. that you would understand what it was like." I couldn't even look at him and my ears felt hot at the amount of embarrassment I felt bringing up our mutual abuse. I taking a large gulp of water when I felt him move closer to me on the couch. His voice was very quiet when he first started speaking.

"It's okay to talk about it Sookie. I told Claudine that if she thought it would help you, she could tell you. I told you I wanted to be your friend and I meant that." He reached out and lifted my chin so that I would look him in the eye. "So what did you want to know?" I stared at him for a moment then. The look in his eyes was so sincere and full of understanding. I reached up, took his hand and brought it down to my lap. I loved the feel of his hand in mine, so I didn't let go.

"I wanted to say thank you. I owe so much to you." I let go of his hand momentarily to rub my hands over my face in frustration. This was so hard for me. "What happened to you made me realize that none of it was my fault. I thought for a long time that it happened because I was a girl. And I am so sorry that it happened to you. I just wanted to say thank you for helping me when I was drowning in it all. I haven't felt this okay for a very, very long time and I owe you for that." Eric pulled my into a hug and I held onto him. I haven't talked to him more then a handful of times and he knew more about me then anyone of my close friends. I felt very tied to him.

"Anytime Sookie. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you." He squeezed me just a little bit harder. We sat there for a bit longer just hanging on to one another until we heard the phone ring and pulled apart. We listened as the answering machine picked up, it was Tray. _"Hey Sug, we decided not to hit the bar after all. We're all over at Sam's place. Love you."_

Instead of moving back to his original seat, Eric sat next to me with his arm across my shoulder. I didn't want him to move so I held onto his hand, so he wasn't able to pull his arm away, not that he tried. It was Eric that spoke first.

"So can I ask you something?" I nodded, extremely curious what he wanted to ask, considering how much he knew. "I wanted to ask about some of the rumors that surround you and the band?" I laughed at how cautious he was being. I knew the rumors and I'm sure it was Tray's "love you" to me that had him even broach the subject.

"Sure, what did you want to know?" Somehow I knew he was asking me as a friend and not as a journalist.

"I was wondering if you're romantically involved with anyone."

"No, I'm not currently involved with anyone romantically." I playfully nudged his ribs with my elbow, so he knew I understood what he was really getting at and said, "You know if you want to know if I've slept with them all, you can just ask." Since we were sitting so close I couldn't see his facial expression and I was oddly relieved when I heard him start to laugh. It was weird caring about what he thought of me.

"Okay, have you slept with them all?" I was about to answer, but he continued. "I kind of already figured out that nothing is going on with you and Tray. It's just that the way he talks about you, I could tell that he really loves you. And after I saw you two together at the bar the night we "meet," I asked Pam how long you two had been a couple." I started laughing. I couldn't help it, but instead of telling him what was so funny I let him continue. "She told me that nothing has ever gone on between you and Tray. So I'm curious about the validity of the other rumors and now I'm even more curious why you're laughing at me."

"Did Pam tell you anything else?" I was still giggling, I couldn't help it.

"No, well she teased me about being interested in you." Huh, that was interesting. I knew he liked me, he told me as much at the cemetery, but I wondered why Pam hadn't said anything to me. She always takes the opportunity to tease me whenever she gets the chance.

"So she never mentioned that she and I were together?" I can feel myself tense with worry over what I've just told him.

"Really?" His voice breaks and he sits up so he can look at me. "You and Pam?" Oh god, I should have known. He's smirking at me and I just know that he has already conjured up a visual of Pam and I together. Of course he's like every other male in my life. They all teased us asking if they could join in or just watch when they found out. Alcide was the worst, of course. You could tell Sam was embarrassed when he found out, but not enough to stop him from telling me that it only raised his _esteem_ for me. Well at least my filthy mind was in good company.

"Yep, me and Pam."

"Was it serious?" Shit, how did I explain this part. Truth, he could handle the truth.

"Um, no. I ended it when I started getting help. We weren't anything more then a hook up, but I felt guilty that I had basically used Pam. She and I had a long discussion about it and well… well, basically, she said we weren't serious and you can't exactly use the willing. So we were using each other. Does that make sense?"

EPOV

God did that ever make sense. She looked nervous that I might not approve of her actions. Which was ridiculous, considering my own past.

"Yeah, it makes perfect sense. I take it that Pam never talked to you about my past then." She looks a little worried and I find out why when she asks her next question.

"Did you sleep with Pam, too?"

"No. Since we met she's only been into women and women alone. Although I did hear that there was one guy one time, but that experience pretty much just reassured what she already knew. That men just didn't do it for her." I watch her relax and I take a breath to steady my resolve. I had to be honest with her. "I knew Pam before I met Claudine." I know she'll understand that I meant it was before I got help with my own demons. "I've changed a lot since Pam and I first met. Back then I did use women for sex and Pam was the perfect wingman." I take another breath and prayed that she understood. "After I left my godfather's home I felt the need to prove to myself that I was a man and that translated into sleeping with a lot of women. Later on it turned into an escape for me." I told her how I had justified using them by telling them it was a one time thing and that if they were hurt in the end that it had been their fault to believe that I would change for them. I also explained how I ended up meeting Claudine and how I knew what she was going through because I had been where she is. "So after I got things figured out, a lot of the friends I had weren't so interested in the person I became, except for Pam. She's the only one that knew me beyond all that bullshit anyway." I watched her face carefully for any sign as to what she was feeling. But I couldn't figure anything out.

"I get it, believe me I get it. And don't worry I'm not freaked out by it." She must be better at reading me then I am her. Either that or she can read minds. "I'm glad you got help and not just because it's benefiting me." She smiled then. "Can I ask if you've been in a relationship since then?"

"No, I've dated some, but nothing serious. Pam's been on a quest to find me a girl for a while now."

"How long has it been since you've _changed_?"

"It's been a long while now."

"You're not going to tell me?"

"Not yet, but I will, just not right now."

"So is it safe to assume that you're hesitant to tell since it correlates to how long it's been since you've sleep with someone?"

"Yep and now I am going to take the focus off of myself and go get some more of that cobbler that you made. Did you want some more?" She nodded her head yes and I got up. I grabbed my empty beer bottle and her water bottle and went to get us some more dessert for both of us. When I got back to the couch I handed her her bowl and sat down where I had been sitting before I got up. It felt good being this close to her and I didn't think she minded, since she rested her head on my shoulder when I sat back down.

"So there's you and Pam, what about the others?" I asked.

"Um… well as you know nothing ever happened between Tray and me, but that was mutual. We both knew the brother/ sister zone was it for us. And Sam was interested until he met Daphne, but he's just too sweet." She shrugged.

"So the sibling zone and a nice guy, huh? You're just mean." I teased.

"Oh come on, you have to know Sam pretty good by now. Can you honestly see the two of us together?" No I couldn't see them together and not just because I was to busy seeing us together.

"No, you're right I can't see you and Sam together. So that's leaves Alcide. What's the story between you, too? I know he's happy with Maria-Star now, but you guys have known each other for longer then they've been a couple." I wasn't worried that they were harboring feelings for one another even if they had been involved ay one point. I was asking purely for the sake of getting to know her.

"Well you know how Alc joined the band right? I'm sure one if not all of them told you, right?" Yep, they all told me, but instead of teasing her I just nodded my confirmation. "So Alc has always been kind of attached to one crazy girl or another, Maria-Star excluded, of course." I nodded again. "But one night after our first really big gig, we were all out partying pretty hard and he just so happened to be unattached at that point. Anyway he and I ended up being the last two people awake and in our drunken stupor decided that making out would be an okay thing to do. One thing lead to another and things heated up considerably. I ended up going down on him and when he tried to reciprocate I freaked out, big time. We joke about it now, but at the time he was really upset by my reaction. He tried to talk to me about it, but I refused to tell him anything. I remember being afraid he'd leave the band, obviously that never happened. We may still flirt, but after that, it's completely innocent flirting."

"So you've only been with Pam then?" It was hard not to ask her why she freaked out on Alcide, but I knew I needed to let it go. If she wanted me to know, she'd tell me.

"Yeah just Pam." She looks uncomfortable, so I decide to make a joke instead asking what was bothering her.

"Wow, what would the fans think? Aren't you suppose to be a succubus or something? What would Rev Newlin say?" She started laughing, I loved making her laugh.

We had both finished our second dessert, so took her bowl and set it on the coffee table, along with my own. I fought the urge to kiss her by putting my arm around her and holding her to me instead. She felt so warm and perfect next to me, that I didn't want to let go. So I didn't. We sat curled up next to each other on the couch talking about some of my weirdest interviews for the next hour or so. I'm not sure when it happened, but we both fell asleep.

I woke up to Tray coming home around 7 o'clock the next morning. He smiled at me and shook his head on his way through the house to his room. When he was out of sight I looked down at Sookie and realized that she was still wrapped around my side and that our fingers were still laced together. I seriously thought about leaving, this was too intimate for the friendship we were trying to have. But in the end, I decided that staying made more sense. It was rude to leave without saying goodbye, right? And I didn't feel right about waking her up, so I stayed. It had nothing to do with that fact that she felt too good in my arms to leave her or how wonderful she smelled. Then there was the reality that I wasn't sure how long it would be, if ever, before I would get to do this again. So I stayed.

SPOV

I woke up on the couch with my arms wrapped around a still sleeping Eric. I smiled to myself thinking about how good it felt to lay there next to him. I looked over to the clock and saw that it was almost 8. Sam would be here in the next 30 minutes for our morning yoga ritual, so I needed to get up and get changed. I, begrudgingly, began to wiggle my way off of the couch. I hadn't made it very far when I felt Eric's arms tighten around me. He pulled me back to where I started and I swear I heard smell me, before he sighed. I giggled and patted his chest. I watched him slowly wake up and when he finally looked at me he smiled brightly.

"Hey." He whispered.

"Hey, um, did you just smell me?" I giggled at the embarrassment that crossed his face. "I'll take that as a yes." He rolled his eyes at me then.

"Your fault, you smell good." He reasoned.

"My fault, huh?" He nodded. "I gotta get up and get moving. Sam will be here soon. If you want you can go crash out in my bed or you can join us."

"What are you guys doing?"

"Yoga." He laughed.

"I'll pass, but thanks for the invite."

"Do you have any plans today?" I hope I'm not coming off as clingy, but I just wanted to hang out with him for a little bit longer.

"Not at all, how about you?"

"The guys and I are having a barbeque this afternoon and I was wondering if you wanted to come. We try to have one every Sunday and there's usually about 20 people or so that show up. There will probably be at least that many people this week, since I was outta commission for the last couple of weeks." I smiled and bat my eyelashes him, hoping he'll come.

"Are you cooking?" He reaches up and brushes the hair away that has fallen in my face.

"Well duh." I say sitting up.

"In that case, of course I'll be here. Do you need me to bring anything?" he asks and I shake my head no. "Okay then. I'm going to head home, shower and get some laundry done. What time should I come back?" I shake my head clear of the barrage of images of him in a shower that has filled my mind and tell him everyone starts showing up around 2, but the food won't be ready til around 4.

"I'll be back at 2 then." We get up and I walk him to the door and hug him goodbye. After I close the door behind him I start my little happy dance, hoping to stop the squeal that is threatening to come out. _Shit, he makes me feel so retarded_. I think to myself as I realize I have a perma grin that ain't leaving my face anytime soon.

88888888888888888

Sam shows up 10 minutes later and my face is aching from smiling so much. He looks at me weird, but instead of saying something we get started. After and hour of contorting ourselves in ways that just shouldn't happen, he follows me into the kitchen. Tray's in there getting himself a cup of coffee and hands me my morning handful of vitamins and a bottle of water. I jokingly scowl at the cup in his hand.

"You're almost there Sook, just a little bit longer." He laughed.

"Sookie doesn't need that anymore," Sam chimed in, "she was in a good mood this morning without it."

"Is that so?" Tray raised an eyebrow at me. I wasn't sure what time Tray got home, but the look on his face let me know he knew where I slept and with who.

"Sorry to disappoint you Sam, but coffee is in my near future." Sam shrugs in acceptance, completely unaware that Tray is insinuating anything.

Sam needed to go because he was have breakfast with Daphne. He told us they'd be by later for the barbeque and gave a me a kiss on the cheek before he left.

"So _how_ did everything go last night after I left?" Tray asked. I rolled my eyes at him.

"It went just fine. Thanks for asking." He just stared and waited to see if I was going to say anything else. When I didn't he decided to speak again.

"So nothing happened?"

"No _nothing _happened. We talked and we ended up falling asleep on the couch together. And by the way you're acting, I know that you already know that, don't you?" He chuckled.

"So did you invite him to the barbeque?" I knew where he was heading with this.

"Not as a date, just a friend."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yeah Tray I'm sure. I like him, I really do. But I can't be more then friends with him right now. He knows that, we've talked about it." He looks surprised about that. "We both know that we like each other and he said that he wants to be friends until I am ready."

"I told you he was a good guy." He gloated.

"So, I was thinking I should call Lafayette and invite him too. He use to close up his restaurants on Sunday, since there wasn't many folks that went out to eat after church services."

"Well that sounds like a fine idea." He gave me a hug and handed me the phone before he left the room. He had the biggest smile on his face and I wasn't sure if it was about Eric and me or if it was the fact that I was willing to invite a bit of my past into my present. Maybe it was both.

I dialed a number I hadn't called in over to 8 years. The phone only rang twice before a very sleepy Lafayette answered.

"Bitch, you knows I'm sleeping. Why the hell you calling me?" I looked at the clock and saw it was just passed 10.

"Jesus Laf, get your ass outta bed? It's too late to bed in bed still."

"Sooks, that you?" I heard his sheets moving through the phone.

"Yeah Laf, it's me. Sorry it's been so long, I've been kinda busy." My eyes started burning with tears. I was so afraid he'd yell at me or just hang up.

"I know you been busy, girl. We got TV out here. And I have seen your fine ass on it a time or two." He laughed. "Who cares about why you haven't called before now. All that matters is that you are now." That was it, I started crying.

"I've missed you so much, Laf." I sniffled into the phone.

"Awe girl, none of that now. You know I miss you too. You callin' to tell me that yous finally comin' for a visit? You can bring that fine piece of ass, bass player, you got to make up for taking so long to call me."

"Actually, I was kinda hoping you could come out here this afternoon, to Shreveport, for a barbeque I'm having." I said. "I know it's late notice and all."

"Sure I'll be there, baby girl. What time you need me?"

"Why don't you get here a little early, so we can catch up before everyone else gets here. How's 1 o'clock sound?"

"That only gives me a couple hours to make myself fabulous, but I'll make."

I gave him my address and directions on how to get here. We say our goodbyes and hang up. I run through the house to Tray's room and knock on the door before opening it.

"He's coming Tray." I blurt out, completely ecstatic and overwhelmed by how good I feel.

"Of course he is Sug." He gave me a squeeze and laughed at how overly excited I was.

After I calmed down, I spent the rest of the morning cooking, while Tray cleaned for the party. I had everything in their perspective marinades or rubs, getting them ready for the grill and all of the different salads I made in the fridge (macaroni salad, potato salad, fruit salad, pasta salad and even a seafood pasta salad). Tray had stocked the extra fridge with all kinds of beers and sodas. The desserts and appetizers would be coming with the guests. With everything preset, I decided to hop into the shower.

I raced through my shower, so I'd be ready by the time Lafayette got here. I was nervous about seeing him again, my heart was racing. It was only the second time my past would be introduced to my present. Well if you counted Bill's brief intrusion backstage after our last show. The major deference between that and now was that I was proud to call Laf my friend and Bill Compton was someone I hoped to never hear from again. I knew I was kidding myself with that hope, but with everything else going on, my issues with him were just going to have to wait.

I had my hair, make up and nail polish (hooker red, of course) finished and was carefully sliding into my favorite 1950s retro sun dress. It had a square neckline, wide straps and a form fitting skirt that came to just below my knee. The straps and skinny belt were cherry red, but the rest of the dress was white with little red poppies on it. It fit my curves so perfectly that I swear I was born in the wrong decade. I grabbed my red wedge espadrilles with Eric's height in mind and headed for the front door when I heard the door bell. I was half way there when I heard Tray yell that he'd get it. I took the extra minute I was given to lean against the wall to buckle the ankle straps of my shoes before I went to find Laf and Tray. When I came around the corner Laf surprised me with a super girly squeal before he charged me and picked me up. He was spinning me around while I attempted to make sure he and Tray had introduced themselves.

"You really think I don't already know that fine boys name, Sook? I told yous I seen your fine ass on TV and you can bet I noticed all your man candy that you been surrounding yourself with." He still hadn't but me down and seemed to be doing an up close inspection of my face, but really he was looking me in my eyes. He had a way of reading me, that was always right and I wouldn't be able to hide it if I weren't really okay. When he was done he set me down and took in the rest of me as well. When his eyes finally met mine I could see the tears in his eyes.

"Oh now, none of that, Laf. You'll ruin both of our make up." I teased. In true Lafayette fashion he was all done up. From his sparkly purple eye shadow to his purple toe nail polish that I could see peeking out of the front of his leather sandals. I had seen him in dresses before, but today he opted for an embroidered white button up and a pair of jeans. They were bejeweled, but it was still toned down for him even with the nail polish and make up.

"Yous a sight, girl. You lookin' good as I ever seen." I watched as he expertly dried his eyes without messing up his makeup with the hankie he pulled from his pocket.

"Thanks Laf, you look real good too, but you already know that." I smiled when he winked at me.

"Of course I know it, but its always nice to hear it. So baby girl, is he really yours like dem papers say or do you share?" I watched as he looked over to Tray and check him out.

"Oh he's mine alright, but he's more or less taken over your job. He looks out for me just as good as you did."

"So he's fair game then?" Tray cleared his throat and Laf and I started laughing. "Don't you worry none, precious. My Jesus won't let me touch anyone but him, so yous safe."

"You didn't tell Alcide anything about your friend, Laf, here did you Sug?" Tray asked and then smiled brightly when shook my head no.

"You aren't friends with da haters now are you, baby girl?" Laf looked confused.

"No nothing like that Laf. All my guys are more a "to each their own" kinda people. It's just that a couple years back Alcide pissed Pam off pretty bad, so she "leaked" info that he was gay. Then set it up so some photographers got him coming out of a gay bar. She was the one that took him there and he was only in there for 5 minutes before he figured it out, but the photographers were there waiting. Let's just say after that, he gained a new following and every once in a while he gets an over zealous fan." Tray laughed then at my under statement. And decided to take over from there.

"Since Alcide doesn't want to alienate any of his fans he won't come out and say he's straight. He doesn't want anyone to think he thinks there's anything wrong with being gay, so he just keeps quiet. Poor Maria-Star gets accused of being his beard or just his hag all the time. We've been known to set him up a time or two." Tray finished there.

"So yous saying I gets to have me some fun?" Tray and I both nodded. "Well alright."

"I'll let Maria-Star know so she won't swoop in and save him. She enjoys the game just as much as the rest of us." I said.

Tray took off to go grab the ice for the barbeque, leaving Laf and I to get caught up. He followed me into the kitchen so I could make him a banana daiquiri and grab a water bottle for myself.

"So other then yous still running your lil practical jokes, baby girl, hows you been?" Laf questioned.

"I'm better then good, Laf." I looked at him in the eye so he understood that I wasn't just saying it. "So you and Jesus finally stopped fucking around and got serious?" Jesus ran the business side of Laf's restaurant while he worked in the kitchen. When I was working there they hadn't made it past the steeling glances phase of there relationship. It drove me crazy to watch them move so slowly, but I kind of understood it. Being an outcast your whole life makes it hard to trust and giving up a friendship for a relationship that may not work, just seemed stupid. I was ecstatic to hear they were together.

"Uh huh, we actually made it to Vegas last year to make it official." I squealed when he showed me the ring I hadn't noticed earlier.

"If I had known you two were together now I would have invited him too."

"Well that's fine an all, but I wanted you to all to myself for a little bit. Don't you worry none, now that I knows where y'all live, we'll be visiting. What about you girlie, you get yourself a special someone? I read all about you an that Miss Pamela Ravenscroft in the tabloids?"

"Just between us, yes, we were together, but it wasn't ever anything serious."

"So you don't got yourself a lady, hows abouts a man?" He asked.

"Nope." I popped the p and hoped he wouldn't notice the smirk I couldn't contain.

"Nuh uh, baby girl, I saw that." He laughed. "That's fine if yous not gonna tell me just yet, but you knows if your boys here today I'm gonna be able to tell."

"There is a guy, but I'm working through some stuff, so we're friends, for now." I looked up to see him smiling at me. "You actually met him already. He was at the restaurant a few months back." I watched the wheels in his head spin as he tried to figure it out. It didn't take long before it clicked for him and a sour expression took over his face.

"I'm not saying he ain't fine, baby girl. But are you sure it's okay, him being a reporter and all?" He trailed off there, looking worried for me.

"Yeah Laf, I'm sure. I know he's a journalist and he's actually putting out a bunch of articles about the band." He still looks like he wants to object, not convinced that I should trust Eric. Instead of letting him start his argument I decide to just tell him. "If it weren't for him Laf, I'm not sure I'd be standing here right now. He, um, he helped me get some long over due help." I feel tears prick my eyes. "I was suffocating in everything from before and he saw it and pulled me back from destroying myself." He gets up from his seat and moves closer to me. He pulls out his hankie and cleans up my tears and pulls me into a hug.

"Okay, baby girl, I'll give him a shot. But if that boy hurts you, he's answerin' to me." I laugh at him then.

"God Laf, I missed you so much."

"Me too, baby girl, me too."

**Hello, I thought I'd have this up sooner, but things have been a little crazy here. Spring break is next week and I can't figure out if I'll have more time for writing or less. With 4 kids to entertain, it's anyones guess. Anyways hope you like the new chapter and thanks to those of you who do take the time to review, you're awesome!**

**And as always, voyeurs welcome.**


	12. Chapter 12

EPOV

I hurried through everything I needed to do so I could get back over to Sookie's for the barbecue. I did all the mundane household chores as fast as I could, it was doing the laundry just about killed me. No matter what I filled my time with, waiting for the dryer to finish, it just seemed to take forever. I know I can afford to pay for a cleaning service, but after the last one, I wasn't willing to try it again. Ginger was a freaking nightmare. I know I shouldn't judge all people in that industry because of the grief she caused me, but she went above and beyond in the crazy department. I hired her from a cleaning service that advertised that all employees had been screened extensively and they have apologized profusely for what occurred. I am sure they were just worried that I'd sue their asses off, but I really did believe them when they told me it was the first time she had committed any kind of infraction in the 10 years she worked for the company. Pam thought it was hilarious that Ginger decided to flip her shit while working for me.

It wasn't the "normal" over worked, under appreciated work related melt down you heard about and for the record I was never a dick to her and never expected anything that wasn't in her job description. I can't say I'd have been any happier if she showed up with a gun and gone postal on my ass, but what did transpire wasn't anything I ever wanted to go through again. It wasn't one thing, it was just a bunch of little things that all added up to fucking crazy. It took me installing a video camera before I realized the extent of what was going on. (Thinking I would just be catching Pam).

At first I just thought she wasn't changing the bedding, so I left out a clean set of sheets on the bed that were a different color then the ones that were on it. I was relieved to find the new ones on the bed at the end of the day. Then I realized that a couple of my favorite concert tees had disappeared. I even asked Pam if she had taken them to mess with me, she laughed and asked what she would want with my old clothes. When my signed Pearl Jam concert tee went missing and Pam was out of town, I started suspecting Ginger. But I still wasn't completely convinced. I had had a few people over and it was possible Pam had set it up to have help fucking with me. What got me to finally install hidden cameras in my home had been finding women's underwear in odd places. The first pair I found was in my jacket pocket and believed they must have been slipped in there while I was out (weird, but not impossible). It was when I found them in my bed that the cameras went up.

Turns out that after Ginger had finished cleaning the front of the house she went to work in my room. The film footage showed her changing the sheets and leaving the room with the old ones (to put them in the wash). When she came back she immediately went to the bathroom. I hadn't installed a camera in there, but the camera in my room picked up the sound of the shower running and showed that there was steam coming from there. It was when she returned to my bedroom that started my stomach rolling. She was wearing nothing but her underwear and her hair was wet. She walked over to my dresser and grabbed one of my tee shirts from the drawer and put it on. At that point she got in to my bed, under the covers. It wasn't hard to figure out what she was doing, but when she called out my name, I turned the tape off and called my lawyer. And immediately after that phone called finished I called Claudine.

Obviously Ginger was fired (by my lawyer), my locks were changed, her agency was contacted and so were the police. When questioned by the police Ginger stated that what she had done was at my request, since we were in a relationship. When I filed a retraining order against her, she filed a paternity suit against me. I was lucky enough that the police were on my side. When the courts found out Ginger wasn't pregnant at all and was still adamant that she was (and that I was the father), a psych evaluation was ordered. She was court ordered to spend an undetermined amount of time in a mental health facility and since she was getting help, I dropped my lawsuit. And decided that doing my own housework was in my best interest. Even though the dryer was taking forever to finish.

I sent Tray a text asking what I should bring and he sent me a text back saying everyone would be bringing appetizers or desserts. He had the drinks covered and Sookie had everything else under control. It was then that the dryer finally buzzed. I quickly folded the second to last load and threw the towels from the washer into the dryer and left for Sookie's. On my way back I ran into my favorite bakery to pick up a pumpkin cream cheesecake as my contribution to what I knew would most likely be the best barbecue I'd ever had.

I was only running 10 minutes "late" when I pulled up to Sookie's. Alcide was just getting there with Maria-Star so I waited for them before heading to the door. Maria-Star had made some kind of spicy creamy corn relish in the largest bowl I had ever seen and Alcide was carrying several bags of Fritos with him. I offered to carry the bowl for Maria-Star, but was quickly told that she wasn't in need of any help as she had two hands and could handle it herself. I saw Alcide laugh silently behind her.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Alcide Herveaux." She snipped at him. It wasn't uncommon for them to bicker, but it wasn't like Maria-Star to take out whatever Alcide had down out on innocent bystanders. I was confused further when she winked at me and gave me an evil smile. I began to wonder what she was up to.

Tray answered the door and was promptly told the same thing I had been when he offered his help. After letting Maria-Star in, Tray just looked at Alcide and shook his head. It was almost funny to realize that we had both assumed that Maria-Star's mood was Alc's fault, without even knowing what was going on.

"What did you do this time?" Tray finally asked.

"I have no fucking idea. We were getting ready to come over here and everything was fine. Then on the way here everything I said she took the wrong way and no matter how much I apologized, nothing I said was right. It was really weird and I'm starting to think that maybe her crazy is finally starting to come out."

"If she were crazy, you'd know by now. You must have said something that set her off." I volunteered.

"Like I said, I have no fucking idea. I can't think of anything I might have said that would have set her off. So if you have any ideas I'm listening."

"Maybe she's pregnant?" I knew Tray was fucking with him when he looked down to hid the smile that was threatening to break through, he knew something. But by the panicked look that took over Alcide's face he missed it.

"Did she say something?"

"Nope. Just trying to help you figure it out." Tray responded. We watched as Alcide wondered off, looking like he'd seen a ghost.

"Spill."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Tray replied. "But if you think Maria-Star and Sookie might be up to no good then you might be onto something." He smiled wide.

"Uh huh, Maria-Star and Sookie. And you know nothing right?" He nodded his head yes. "Should I be worried about myself or is Alcide the lone target?" He laughed then. I couldn't figure out if I should be worried too, but I knew they couldn't get me with the heads up Tray just gave me. I just needed to be vigilant.

I followed Tray into the kitchen to find Sookie whispering to Maria-Star, they were definitely up to no good. I felt my jaw clench and my ears get hot when I realized Sookie was looking like a pin up girl again. The way her dress hugged her every curve made my body ache with want. I needed to touch her. Every time I had met up with Sookie I had worried that the sex kitten I saw on stage would be who I was meeting with and I'd make an ass out of myself. But when we had met up she was laid back, wearing something simple, don't get me wrong, she still looked absolutely beautiful. It's just that when she tried to look sexy she accomplished it so thoroughly that it made every nerve in my body stand on end.

Sookie noticed my arrival and I watched as a shit eating grin spread across her face. I felt fucked. I couldn't figure out if I was more screwed because she was up to something or because of the fact that when she smiled up at me, I felt my heart nearly jump out of my chest. Then I realized I didn't really care that she might be messing with me if she was smiling at me like that.

"What have you got there?" Sookie asked looking directly at me. It took me a minute to realize I was still holding my contribution to dinner. Before I could answer Pam came in, took the dessert box from my hands and glided out of the room with it without a word to anyone.

"Pam, you have to share!" I yelled after her and turned to find Sookie standing there laughing.

"Eric, you should know better then anyone that Pam very rarely shares."

"And what about you Sookie, do you share?" I knew I confused her, so I decided to let her know now that I knew she was up to no good. "Like maybe, you would like to share exactly what you two are up to." I nodded to her and Maria-Star.

"I don't know what you're talking about." She giggled out. Cuz that was believable. "I think I'm gonna go find out about what Pam's not sharing." She explained before turning on her heal and heading to the backyard with an evil cackle. I was starting to worry that maybe even with a warning I might not be able to stop Sookie from getting the best of me.

With Sookie gone, I tried to get something out of Maria-Star. She just laughed and said she had no idea what I was talking about. Then she offered to go get the door for Tray, since someone else had just arrived. I was kind of surprised to see that it was Claudine. She waved and walked over to talk to me.

"I hope this isn't too awkward for you and Sookie, but my brother invited me and I hadn't realized where the barbecue was until I got here." She said looking guilty. Before I could answer her though Sookie came back in the room and looked puzzled when she saw Claudine in the kitchen.

"Hey Claudine, everything alright?" She asked.

"Oh yes, of course it is. My brother Claude invited me and I hadn't realized this was where he was taking me until we got here. If you aren't okay with this then I can go."

"Oh I don't mind at all. I didn't know Claude was your brother. Small world, huh?"

"Yes, actually we're twins." And before Claudine could continue who I assumed to be Claude came in the door. It took me all of two seconds to realize that even though they shared a womb, these two people were exact opposite. I was half tempted to call him the Anti Claudine. Where Claudine was polite, kind hearted and likeable. Claude was obtrusive, rude and the most conceited person I'd ever met. For the life of me I couldn't figure out how he knew Sookie.

"I understand why you keep inviting me to these things, but for the life of me I can't figure out why I keep showing up to them." Claude complained.

"You come because you're hoping that Alcide will finally decide that Maria-Star is no longer his type and you want to be the one to introduce him to the true meaning of carnal pleasure." Sookie sassed as she walked up to him and swatted his shoulder. I highly doubted the reprimand would have any effect on him. "Now why don't you go outside and play nice with all the other children." I could have sworn I saw Sookie wink at him, but because of where I was sitting I couldn't be sure.

"Claudine can I get you anything to drink?" After getting Claudine a drink and introducing her around the party Sookie came back into the kitchen looking mighty pleased with herself.

"Are you gonna sit here all day observing or are you actually going to go out there and participate?" She smirked.

"That depends on what I'm expected to participate in." I winked at her and watched her eyes widen a little at my innuendo. Instead of giving in and telling me what was going on she grabbed a small paper plate, a napkin and some plastic utensils before heading back out to the yard.

Being completely hypnotized by the sway of her hips I ended up following after her. Yep, totally fucked. I was starting to think that I should go find Claudine and see if I could possibly persuade her into believing that me starting a relationship with Sookie tonight would be in our best interest.

I watched Sookie approach Pam and take the cake box from her. Pam growled at her. Sookie swatted her butt and walked over to a nearby table and set the box down. I hadn't bought a small pie tin cheesecake, the thing had to weigh like 10 pounds and was a good 10 inches in diameter. I had no idea if Sookie even liked cheesecake, but apparently I had done good. I watched Sookie cut herself a small slice and hand the box back to a waiting Pam. Pam walked off, probably to find somewhere to hide her treasure. When I looked back to Sookie she had just taken a bite and I watched her eyes roll back in appreciation and then she moaned. My brain automatically cataloged the visual as something sexual. Then started supplying my over active imagination a healthy supply of Sookie fantasy. My body was so tense with want that when Alcide came up behind me and patted my back I shivered back to reality. He just laughed. It was just a good thing he didn't fuck with me and blow in my ear.

"Hey man, you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah. Did you figure out what was going on with Maria-Star yet?" I asked and pried my eye away from Sookie's food induced orgasm. Before Alc got a chance to answer we were joined by Lafayette smacking him on the ass.

"Where'd you run off to Sugar, I been looking all over for yous?" He hummed into Alcide's ear. I watched Lafayette walk his fingers up Alcide's arm. Since I had met Lafayette before I knew this wasn't his "normal" behavior. Lafayette was still standing behind Alcide and leaning into his ear when he winked at me. Everything kind of just fell into place for me right then. This is what Sookie and Maria-Star were up to. It was really hard not to just burst out laughing.

Awhile back I asked him about the rumors of him being gay. All he said was that he had pissed off Pam and he didn't need to say anything else. It's a rule- Don't Piss of Pam. I'd done it a few times but only in retaliation. I couldn't begin to imagine what would happen if I fucked with her for no good reason. Knowing that she was successful in making Alcide publicly gay had me thanking my lucky stars.

"Eric, you met Lafayette? He's friends with Sookie from way back when." Alc did his best to seem unaffected by the big flamboyant gay man currently stroking his arm. I almost asked if Maria-Star knew about his hidden lifestyle, but I wanted to see where those girls had seen this going.

"Yeah we've met." I smiled and held my hand out to shake Lafayette's. "Lafayette makes the best burger I've ever had the pleasure of eating."

"You certainly know what to say to a girl to make her feel special." Lafayette cooed. "What about you big boy, you wanna come over to my place and taste what I gots to offer?"

Before Alcide could say anything Lafayette was being called over to Sookie. "That's okay Sugar, you think about it. You knows where to find me when you ready." Alcide jumped when Lafayette goosed him before sashaying away to see what Sookie needed.

"Hey Eric, can I ask you a question?" Alcide asked. I nodded. "Do you think I look gay?" That was it, I lost it. "It's not funny. I thought gay men had some sort a gaydar thing, but I'm starting to think that either that isn't true or I come off as gay." I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to regain some composure. Finally, when I got myself under control I spent a few minutes reassuring Alcide that he didn't give off a gay vibe.

"Thank god. It's not that I have anything against being gay, it's just that I'm not and I can't help it if it makes me uncomfortable having some guy try to persuade me that I needed to at least try it before I completely give up on the idea." I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing again. Before I could tell him I didn't need to be shot with a gun to know I wouldn't like it, Claude joined us.

"Claude Crane." He shook hands with Alcide. "I wanted to give you my card. I'm the owner of a strip joint out in Monroe. I would love it if you wanted to come by sometime and see the show. VIP treatment on the house. Hope to see you there some time soon." Claude concluded before turning to leave. Alcide looked almost excited til he read something on the back of the card Claude gave him, then he just looked ill. And again I had to stand there and not let on that I knew anything was going on. I had thought about telling him what Sookie and Maria-Star were up to, but I was afraid of how'd they retaliate.

I had a great time hanging out with the band and all of their friends. And I was right about it being the best barbecue I had ever had. I gorged myself and had at least one serving of everything there. I ended up sitting by Sookie and Claudine. Alcide had somehow been cornered into sitting in between Lafayette and Claude. It wasn't until dessert was served that Maria-Star finally claimed her man, much to Alcide's relief. She very politely asked Claude if he minded making room for her so she could sit next to Alcide. After he moved she sat down and started a conversation with Lafayette about what his wedding was like and when she was gonna get to meet Jesus. It only took a moment before Alc caught up to the fact that he had been played. He wasn't mad at all, just incredibly relieved.

After all the food was cleaned up Sookie pulled out her guitar and Tray got the fire pit going. Sookie sat down between my legs on the lounge chair I was sitting on and turn to ask if it was okay that we shared. To dumbstruck to speak I just nodded my head. After everyone got settled and I noticed that Sam had out his guitar out too.

Sookie and Sam took requests for the next half hour. It was incredible to watch the two of them in such a personal setting, you could see just how important music was to them. I had sat up behind Sookie when she sat down with me so every word that she sang vibrated through her and into my chest. When Pam was given a turn to request a song she asked Sookie if she had anything new that was ready to be heard. Even from behind I could see the smile on Sookie's face.

"Yeah Pam, I think I got something. It's a little bit slower then out usual stuff, but I think it's pretty good." Sookie told her.

"Well stop stalling and get on with it."

It didn't take Sam to catch on to what Sookie was doing. And I made sure to listen to every word she sang.

_How soft a whisper can get _

_When you're walking through a crowded space_

_ I hear every word being said _

_And I remember that everyday_

_I get a little bit closer to you_

_How long an hour can take_

_When you're staring into open space_

_When I feel I'm slipping further away_

_I remember that everyday_

_I get a little bit closer to you_

_These are the days_

_That I won't get back_

_I won't hear you cry_

_Or hear you laugh_

_But when it's quiet_

_And I don't hear a thing_

_I can always hear you breathe_

_You know there's nowhere else_

_I've wanted to be_

_Than be there when you needed me_

_I'm sorry too_

_But don't give up on me_

_And just remember that when you were asleep_

_I got a little bit closer to you _

SPOV

I had the best day I can remember having. It was made so much sweeter being sober, knowing my joy was my own and not something that was only achieved because of some drug. I was proud of myself and flying on the biggest natural high. I was surrounded by people I cared for with all of my heart. When Pam asked for a new song I knew exactly which one I wanted to sing. It was a song that Eric inspired and maybe one day I'd tell him that, but definitely not now. I had almost ask Claudine if starting a relationship with Eric was really such a bad idea. There wasn't one thing about him that wasn't exceptional. It was the way he looked at me that was making this whole waiting til I was better thing so freaking impossible.

After I finished my song everyone clapped and cheered. Pam toasted to my new number 1 hit and Eric hugged me and whispered into my ear about how amazing he thinks I am. I leaned back and gave him a quick peck on the cheek as a thank you. I did notice Claudine watching us rather intently. Everyone was looking at me, but she was studying me. I was enjoying myself too much to worry about it just then. I figured if there was anything she needed to discuss with me it could wait til the following day.

About an hour later, just about everyone had left. I was looking for Eric after saying goodbye to Sam and Daphne. I found him and Lafayette outside speaking quietly. Their conversation ended when they saw me.

"Well baby girl, it's time for me to be gettin home to my man." Laf said before wrapping me up in a big hug. "You take care of yourself and I be seeing you soon, ya hear?" I nodded.

"I'm so glad you came. You tell Jesus I said I want to see both of you next time." We walked to the door and I gave him another hug before he left. When I turned around Eric was standing there waiting for me. I was tearing up from my goodbye with Laf and he opened up his arms for me. I walked over to him and he wrapped his long arms around my and held me tight. I felt so safe there and even though we had hung out for the last two days I began to dread him leaving. Would it be weird to invite him to stay? Not for sex just to sleep. Claudine should be fine with that right, damn I should have asked before she left.

"I should head home." Eric whispered to the top of my head. "I don't wanna leave, but you have an early morning and should get some sleep." I really needed to talk to Claudine about this whole relationship thing.

"Kay, I wish you weren't going, but you're right I do have an early morning tomorrow. So when am I gonna see you again?"

"That's up to you, really. But the sooner the better I think." He squeezed me tighter and kissed the top of my head before he stepped away from me. "How about you get through your appointment tomorrow. Then give me a call and let me know how it went and we'll make plans then, that okay with you?"

"Yep, you got it." I pulled the waistband of his shorts and brought him back to me. I had never wanted to kiss someone more in my life. I went up on tip toe and lightly kissed his cheek. With my arms still wrapped around his waist I laid my head on his chest and listened to his heart beat. His hands were resting on my hips and when I squeezed his waist, his arms enveloped me again. I felt so small next to him, hell I was small next to him, but it was the most intimate hug I had ever had. Since we were both behaving it seemed that the hug was the only way to convey the emotion that was between us. I was struck with the realization that I didn't fear this, that it all just seemed inevitably perfect. I didn't even second guess that this was as real for Eric as it was for me. I could have stood there all night in his arms, but Tray came in and reminded me that I had a 6am wake up call for my appointment tomorrow. He told Eric he'd see him later before he left the room.

"I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow then." Eric said as he pulled away. I walked the last 10 feet to the door still hanging onto his waist. When I looked up at him to say goodbye he was already looking down at me. His hand moved to hold my face and we stood there staring at one another. It was like being a teenager afraid to be the first one to make a move for the first kiss. "God Sookie, it's so hard not to kiss you." I nodded my head in understanding. Eric was finally able to pull himself away. "You'll call me tomorrow, right?" I smiled and nodded my head yes. I was too afraid to speak. My brain had been screaming at me to tell him he could stay and I knew if I opened my mouth that's all that would come out. Once Eric was finally out the door I leaned up against it and breathed out a huge sigh of frustration. I had a feeling that I was about to be seriously frustrated for a long time. Which only led me to remember Eric eluding to the fact that it had been a long time since he had been with someone. At least I wasn't in this alone.

With the kitchen cleaned and the house put back together, Tray and headed to bed. He was taking me to my appointment in the morning so he needed to get to bed just as much as I did. I took a shower before bed so I didn't have to take one early the next morning. I was exhausted by the time I crawled into bed and fell asleep quickly.

_The sun was shining incredibly bright and everything had a warm glow to it. I watched as butterflies and other flying insects buzzed around me. They were all glowing in the warm sunlight. The field I was standing in had grass and wild flowers that came up to my shoulder. I put my hands out and slowly turned in a circle feeling the top of the grass tickle my palms. I looked down to see that I was wearing an old blue sundress I had as a child. When I looked up I saw a blond head running ahead of me through the tall grass and I took off after them. I didn't know who it was I just knew I needed to catch them. I felt the warm air on my face as I ran. I felt so happy that it was bubbling up and out of me as I giggled uncontrollably out loud. When the person that I was chasing turned to me, their face was obscured by the sunlight, they waved at me to follow them and the chase began again. I heard their laughter and the sound warmed my heart. I had my hand out ready to touch the shoulder of the child I had been tying to catch when I was startled by a loud beeping sound. I looked around trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. I lost sight of the child I had been chasing and my heart broke. It made me angry at the stupid noise._

_Beep… beep… beep… beep…_

"Sookie, time to get up, shut off that god awful thing." Tray said from my doorway. As soon as he left I grabbed my journal from inside my nightstand drawer. I turned to a blank page and began writing down every detail of my dream that I could remember. At the bottom of the page I did my best to draw a picture of the boy that was running from me. It was just a sketched out silhouette, but when I looked at it, it flooded my head with the memory of my dream. Before I knew it Tray was back to let me know we needed to leave in 15 minutes.

I threw my journal back into the drawer and ran to my closet and pulled on a pair of black yoga pants and a tee shirt. I slid my feet into a pair of flip flops and hustled my butt into my bathroom to brush my hair and teeth. When I made it out to the kitchen Tray handed me a thick shake and when I made a face he just grumbled at me to shut up and drink it. I would have bitched him out if it wasn't for the fact that he wouldn't have to be up at, god what the hell time was it, I looked to the clock and it said it was only 5 in the morning, then looked to the window to see that it was still dark outside. Fuck me never mind, if Tray wanted to be pissy, he had the right to be.

"Thanks, ready when you are." I smiled at him. He grunted and headed for the garage grabbing the keys along the way. I have seen the sunrise from the road more times then I care to count. I hated it. It wasn't majestic at all, it irked me to no end that I was up before then sun.

My appointment when fine, well as far as I could tell anyway. They told me my scans came back fine, no sign of any chemical imbalance was seen. No bi-polar for me. While I was waiting for the results, I had a chance to really think about how much progress I had made these last two months. I was talking about my demons and making an effort to share my past with my present and my present with my past. I was no longer relying on alcohol to numb the pain from my past, but talking about it. It was irritating to find out that it was working. Dealing with it was working. I also kind of knew that I needed to get to the place where I wanted to get help, not just go because Tray wanted me to. I'm sure it would have worked to some degree, but the fact that it was me that wanted it, made the work I've done was for me, not Tray or anyone else. I couldn't help feeling proud of myself.

When I met up with Tray in the lobby he was holding out a very large cup of hot coffee for me. I smiled like a kid in Toys R Us with my very own black Amex card. Ahhhh, coffee the drug choice of millions of Americans. And it was soooooo good. Tray drove me to my follow up appointment with Claudine. Poor guy had to listen to me wax poetic about my love for coffee all the way there. I think he was relieved when we finally made it there and was able to get the hell away from me. I think not having coffee for the last two months caused me to react a little more intensely to the caffeine. I'm sure Tray was regretting his decision to buy my the largest size they had. I made it up to Claudine's office and she just laughed when she say the large cup still in my hand.

"So I am assuming that everything went well then."

"Yep, they said everything looked good. Tray got me this." And I jerked my hand up to show her the empty cup I was still holding. "I think he's regretting it now that I'm acting like an 8 year old that's on sugar hi and hidden their Rittalin from their parent." I laughed and she laughed right along with me.

"Well I'm glad to hear that everything went well. How do you feel about it all?"

"Well I had suspected that that would happen. Since I've been coming here, I seem to be coping better. When I was waiting for the results I started to think about how much work I've done in the last couple of months and you know what? I was real proud of myself. I know that things won't always go smoothly and I am a little worried how I will handle the next time something less then pleasant happens, but for the most part I'm just enjoying life. Oh, last night/ this morning, I dreamed. It was a real dream not a dream that morphed into a nightmare. It made me so happy that I wrote it down in my journal so I'd remember it." Claudine smiled as I buzzed about my morning.

"That's wonderful Sookie. I am so proud of you and it's wonderful that you are proud of yourself too." We talked a few minutes more about my results and how I was feeling and I decided I wanted to bring up Eric.

"So Eric is pretty wonderful." I say to her and watch to see her reaction.

"Yes, he is a wonderful person." She agreed. She waited for me to say something more and when I didn't she prompted me. "Sookie, I know you wanna say something more."

"I do. It's just that I was hoping to get your opinion of whether or not you think it would be okay if we started seeing each other." She didn't seemed surprised by my statement at all. It had to be obvious, she was there last night, observing us.

"Sookie, I want to be real honest with you here." I nodded my head and she continued. "I watched the two of you together last night and I saw that there was something between the two of you already. You and Eric are building a relationship, but I hope that it remains a friendship for the time being. You have made huge strides dealing with your past, but there is still work to be done. Important work. I worry that if you start a relationship that you'll pull the spotlight off of yourself and start focusing on your relationship instead.

Now that being said, I'm not the boss of you. I can offer you my advice and it's up to you whether you decide to follow it or not. I will be here for you no matter what you choose to do. I don't feel that you having a relationship with Eric would hurt your progress, it just might delay things from moving forward. My real concern would be that delaying that progress would have a negative affect on your relationship. You both deserve to be in a healthy relationship."

"Maybe we should just go back to me not being allowed." She laughed. "I'll definitely think about everything you said. So in the interest of moving forward, what should I word on between now and my next appointment?"

"You're doing so good Sookie there's no need to rush things along. Things need to happen because you're ready for it, not just because you forced yourself into it." I nodded my head in understanding. "Now that being said, have you made any progress on reading your journal entries?" I shook my head no. "It's wonderful to hear that you added a happy dream to them. Did you want to talk about it?" I didn't really see the point so I told her it wasn't necessary. "What about some of the other entries, did you want to talk about any of those?"

"Mmmm, not yet. But the idea doesn't frighten me so much anymore. The idea of talking about it just seems like a pain in the ass right now. I wanna be happy and enjoy all the good stuff from today. But I think I will soon." And I really meant it. I felt great and the only reason for my not wanting to talk about my big bad book of ugly was the desire to ride the high from my morning. And I knew that was okay. We talked a bit more and then it was time to go. Tray drove us to IHOP, so we could eat brunch and grab another cup of coffee. Yay, coffee. I ate my food in half the time it took Tray to eat his. I was excited to get home and call Eric. I'm sure Tray had figured it out and it was quite possible that he was taking his time to torment me. Of course I couldn't ask him to move it along or he'd just take longer and possibly order more food. So I waited as patiently as I could.

**Whew that took forever to get out. I have lots of excuses about where I've been and what's been going on, but they're just excuses that add up to RL. So I hope you like the new chapter. It's obviously unbeta'd and I'm sure I'll read it later and cringe at every misspelling or missing word, but I just wanted to get this out there. **

**So part of real life includes reading the newest book. I think it's definitely one of my favorites, but I now have some serious fears. All I can say is thank god for FF. **

**Please review! And thanks again to those of you that do it so regularly- you're all marvelous.**


	13. Chapter 13

SPOV

I knew I shouldn't have let myself be happy. Every fucking time I have let my happiness fill me up, it gets ripped from me. Torn to shreds, leaving me grasping at straws of this god awful reality I keep trying to be a part of and I just don't think I can do this again. What would be the point. Isn't that the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. FUCK! I have tried it my way and their way and every time I get to happy it turns to shit. I hear someone coming up the stairs and stop at my door. There's a soft knocking before I hear Tray.

"Sookie, Eric's here. Do you wanna see him?" He whispers. I choose not to answer. I hear Tray try the door knob. I know he can't get in without breaking the door down, but I don't think he's at that point yet. I stare out my window into the dark night again, trying to ignore all those that try to help me. I have been staring out the window watching morning turn to afternoon, noon light change to twilight and now there is just the glow from neighboring houses. I know more time has past, but I'm unsure how much. Tray is back at my door, speaking softly.

"Sookie, I just need to know you're okay. God, I know you're not okay, but it would make me feel a whole lot better if you would open the door or just say something. Please!" I can hear the desperation in his voice and ache with the knowledge that I put it there. The last thing I want to do is cause that man more suffering, but I make a decision that will probably only make matters worse. I can't doing anything right anyway so I come to the conclusion that removing myself from the equation is for the best.

I slowly pull myself from my bed. My body feels heavy and slow. I move to my closet and pull my bag from there. I start to fill it with what I deem to be necessary. My mind is in a complete fog with every step I take. I began to feel it closing itself off from reality and I am relieved. My mechanical motions are hardening me against it all. When I'm finished I walk to my door, but when I reach for the knob my mind reminds me that I can't leave that way, there were to many obstacles in my way. I lean against the cool wood of my door, saying a silent goodbye to everyone I have brought into my miserable existence. It's not their job to save me.

I turn to my window and begin to open it methodically. The last layer being the screen, which is easily popped out. I wrap the handles of my duffle over my shoulders before carefully climbing out. Once on the roof I make my way over to the large branch of the oak tree in our yard that extends to the roof line. I keep the bag on my back, instead of throwing it to the ground, so no one is alerted to my presence on the roof. After finally making my way to the ground I make my way through the gate. As I walk away from my last bit of happiness I feel a sharp pain in my heart as I take in all the cars on the property I am running away from. It seems everyone is there. I stand there for a moment trying to decide if this is really what needed to be done. With uncertainty filling my heart I turn back to the road ahead of me and leave them all behind.

I wake the next afternoon in a hotel room that I found at dawn. Upon waking I realized I should have at least left a note for Tray, so he knew I left on my own. Shit! I had spent the entire walk coming up with a plan of what I should be doing and where I was going. I knew that by now he would have figured out I was gone. So after putting a little more thought into my plan I began to carry out each step.

I wrote a letter out to Tray explaining my need to be alone for the time being. I apologized for leaving without saying goodbye. I asked him not to look for me and told him I would contact him when I had my head on straight. After showering and I went to the bank and pulled out a substantial amount of cash. The entire time I was there I worried that Tray had alerted the authorities about my disappearance. I hoped there hadn't been enough time to alert the bank that I needed to be detained. Walking out of the bank was like walking into my freedom. I headed back to the hotel and grabbed my things from the room and made my way to the front desk.

I handed the clerk over the letter addressed to Tray and asked him to have it delivered as soon as possible. I decided to pay my bill with my credit card, so Tray knew I had been here. And with that I left. My last stop was the airport.

I knew my fame was going to be a hindrance, there was no way for me to just fall off the map, but I knew there were places that weren't as difficult to hide away in. I had gotten lucky and the first flight out of Shreveport was to New York. I knew I could head anywhere once I got there.

While I waited for my flight to board I used a rather disgusting pay phone to call my lawyer, Mr. Cataliades. I informed him of what I was doing and that he was under no circumstances to tell anyone where I was going.I was lucky I had called him because he informed me that I would be better off going to Georgia, then NY. I tried to chalk up my stupidity to the current situation, but it didn't make me feel any better. He made arrangements for me stay on a remote island in the British Virgin Islands. He also made the flight reservations for me once I reached Atlanta. I told him I would be in contact with him once I was settled. He tried on several occasions to talk to me about what was going on, not the instance that had me running, he knew all about that, the whole freaking country did. He was trying to persuade me to talk to him about why I was running from everyone that cared for me. I threatened to take my business elsewhere before he finally gave up.

After purchasing a new ticket to the much closer international airport I began the first part of my journey. I kept a baseball cap on and ignored every person who tried to make conversation with me. I was stuck in thought about everything. My thoughts went back to what little memories I had of my family. There weren't many of my parents, most of my memories at that time were filled with my brother Jason. Memories of us playing outside in the woods that met the waters edge behind our childhood home. Pretending we were lost on a deserted island or pretending to be Indians hunting down deer for our dinner. Jason always named the game and I always followed along happily with what ever he suggested. My memory of Jason seemed to fade over the years, but I had one clear memory of his face and it was burned into my mind. I don't remember when it was from, but it's the image my mind saved for him all these years. Just a 10 year old boy, dirty from playing out in the yard, his face red and hair sweaty from being out in the sun. But what I remember the most is his smile as he called for me to catch him. And for the millionth time I wished I had been with them all when they left. I had been getting over a cold and Gran had offered to take care of me while they were gone. There was rain in the forecast and they didn't want me to get worse. I should have been with them.

Before I knew it I was exiting the plane and making my way to the next one. I made my way to baggage claim and the ticket counter to turn my bag back over to the airlines for the next leg of my journey. Then I went to buy a large coffee and a muffin before heading to the gate I needed to wait at for my flight. I checked in, ignoring the attendants questioning gaze and then found a seat and sunk down into it. I did my best to ignore her and what was being reported on the television and averted my eyes from the news report that told the story of my latest nightmare. I sat there and hoped she wasn't going to make my presence common knowledge. When the flight started boarding I breathed a sigh of relief that I hadn't been approached by anyone. Before boarding I went to the attendant and thanked her for allowing me my anonymity. I tried slipping her a tip and she refused it. She offered a simple 'no problem ma'am' before moving her attention to the passenger behind me.

On this flight I recalled all the things my Gran and I had gone through. We mourned the loss of out family together and slowly rebuilt our lives after the loss. I had confided in her that I had thought I should have been with them and she was quick to remind me that she needed me here and she was glad I hadn't been lost too. She gave me a sense of belonging. I was needed on this earth because of her and with that I started slowly coming out of my shell. I was still looked at by every person in that small town with pity. So even if I had wanted a normal childhood they were quick to remind that that wasn't likely to happen. A girl in my third grade class had started I rumor that I was cursed and anyone that became friends with me would lose there family and become an unwanted orphan like me. I wasn't sure why Lorena had it out for me, but it was easy to see that she did. Her stupid rumor gained weight when my grandmother died from a heart attack.

I had come home from school that day and found her on the floor of our kitchen. I allowed myself to believe she had just fallen asleep. I sat next to her stroking her hair and asking her to wake up. By the time the morning sun came through the kitchen window, reality set in. I curled my small body next to hers and cried myself to sleep.

It wasn't until the following day that Sheriff Deerborn showed up to find out why I had missed school and no one had answered the phone. He was the one that took me to my uncles. Instead of going down that path I went back to the small amount of memories I had of my Gran. Memories of working along side of her out in the yard. Helping can peaches for her preserves. And remembering all the smells that reminded me of her. It was odd to think that it was the smells I remembered most.

In my life I had only 7 years of childhood, losing my innocence with the loss of my family. Then 3 years of fighting my way back to happy with the reality that it could be taken away from me at anytime. I began to let my guard down and be happy when it was taken away from me again. Only this time it wasn't replaced with a soft place to land. I was relieved when I heard the captains voice over the speaker, letting us know we would be landing soon.

Mr. Cataliades made arrangements for my boat ride to the island I was scheduled to stay at. It wasn't too long of a ride and the beautiful aqua color of the ocean kept my thought at bay. I allowed myself to close my eyes and just be in that moment. The feel of the warm sun, the smell of the salty ocean and I let myself go.

Mr. Cataliades had rented me a small house on a remote beach. I was told by the agent that met me there that the land line didn't always work, but there was a shortwave radio in case of emergency. After thanking the man for everything I made my promised call to Mr. Cataliades.

"Sookie, are you sure you're all right." he asked after I told him I arrived safely.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. I just needed to get away from everything for a bit."

"Tray called." He stated and waited for a response he wasn't going to get. He continued when I didn't say anything. "I told him you had contacted me, but I didn't tell him that I knew where you were. He's worried Sookie, they all are."

"I understand that, but I need this. Can't I just have this?" I begged. I listened to him sigh before admitting that he would keep my location to himself. I made plans to contact him the following week and promised to go over my side of the current shit storm. He stated that it would be better to address this now, but knew enough to keep him busy for the time being. After the call ended I made my way to the small shower before climbing into bed and succumbing to sleep.

I woke the next morning with the memory of before everything went so wrong. I allowed myself to relive that day over and over in my head.

_I all but run over Tray to get into the house and up the stairs to my room. I called Eric and he picked up almost immediately._

"_So what's the prognosis?" He asks by way of greeting._

"_I'm normal, no meds for me and Tray has already bought me my first cup of caffeine and I had two more with brunch, which is why I sound like that guy from the micro machine commercials." I spit out all in one breath and smile when I hear Eric start to laugh._

"_So I take it meeting up for coffee is out of the question, how about I pick you up and we can figure out something to do when I get there?" The idea of more coffee was almost scary at this point since I felt like I had a hyper active Jack Russell pinging off the walls of my mind. Every thought seemed more interesting then the last and my mind was cycling through everything I wanted to tell Eric. I guess being in the same room was defiantly the first step._

"_Yeah, that's great. See you soon." He just laughed again at the speed the words flew out of my mouth. He said he'd see me in 15 minutes and we got off the phone. I ran to use the bathroom and while I was washing my hands I realized I was no where near presentable. I had dressed this morning for comfort. It was weird watching my own eyes bug out at me in the bathroom mirror as I realized I had minutes to make myself decent. _

_I rushed to my closet trying to find the perfect outfit and I almost broke every hanger in there trying to find what that perfect outfit would be. Finally after freaking myself out over how much time I was wasting I just grabbed a pair of black skinny Capri's and a fitted flannel that was navy blue and white. I ran back into my bathroom and practically ripped out half of my hair while I brushed it out quickly. With my limited amount of time I quickly pulled it up into a high ponytail and added a fat blue headband. The coffee did nothing to help me relax enough to do my eye makeup, but I was lucky and survived the experience with my eyesight still intact. I was doing my lip liner when I heard the doorbell ring and since I was in the state I was in, it needed to be quickly wiped off and reapplied, unless I wanted my lips to be part of my cheek. I was lucky and remembered I needed to brush my teeth before putting on my lipstick or Eric would have been treated to old coffee breath. Eww. So lipstick on, make up finished, teeth brushed, hair done and almost completely dressed. I was doing good. I could hear Eric and Tray talking and no one had called me yet, so it didn't count as Eric waiting, right? Back to getting ready, I decided while almost poking my eye out with my mascara that I didn't wanna carry a purse, so I just grabbed out my essentials (ID, debit card and a couple 20s. I also grabbed a tinted tube of Chapstick that matched my lipstick and was on my way to my bedroom door when I realized I was missing something. Shoes! I heard someone coming up the stairs as I quickly scanned my shoe choices. I wasn't sure what we would be doing so I grabbed two. A navy pair of espadrilles with a 3 inch cork heel and a practical pair of flats, also in a navy canvas. When I left my closet Eric was standing in my doorway with a huge grin spread across my face. That grin was contagious because I could feel myself wearing the same one. _

"_Which ones?" I asked holding up my shoe choices._

"_Um, probably the tall ones, since you only come up to my belly button without heals on." He smirked. I just raised my eyebrow at him and feigned irritation. "Oh don't try that on me, Sookie, you know I don't think there's anything wrong with you." I would have continued my fake irritation if he hadn't crossed the room and wrapped me up in his big arms. Yep, all the fake indignation wilted right out of me as I reached my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest. I suddenly became very aware that we were alone in a room with a bed. A big comfy bed that I had imagined Eric in many, many times. I looked up at Eric to find him already looking down at me. Without much thought I went up on my tippy toes as Eric leaned down to touch his lips to mine. In that one moment everything seemed to stop. I could only hear our breathing. I felt his body next to mine, I felt his arms around me and I felt so warm and secure there that kissing him felt so completely right. He lips barely touched mine and he started to pull back from it. I opened my eyes to see him staring at me, waiting for permission to kiss me again. I nodded my head slightly and his lips met mine again. He began to slowly nibble on my bottom lip and I felt the heat and moisture from his breath on my mouth. I needed to taste him and ran my tongue across his lips. I heard a slow humming that matched my own as our lips and tongues slowly slid along one another. His hands had made their way to my face and I felt his thumbs stroking my cheeks as I breathed him in. He began to pull away again and I tried to follow, but was stopped when he rested his forehead against mine. Still holding my face in his hands, he leaned back to look at me. He looked like he was studying every inch of my face and when he was done his eyes met mine. He smiled then, like he was victorious. His smile lit up everything in me and I knew then, he was it for me. _

_I pulled him over to my bed and sat down. He followed with a questioning look on his face. "Sookie, I don't know if this is such a great idea. Maybe we should head out?" _

"_Yeah we can head out, I just needed to tell you something before." He waited patiently for me to continue. "Well, Claudine and I talked today." I began. "Well she said that it was up to me if I wanted to start seeing you, that it was my decision. She said that I still had work to do and that she didn't want my focusing on a new relationship to take away the focus I have on myself. But the thing is…" God this is embarrassing. "The thing is that I already think about you all the time and I'm doing a lot better. What I'm trying to say is that I wanna give this a go now." Before I realized what was happening I was being squeezed into Eric's chest. "Can't breath." Was all I was able to get out. We both started laughing when he let me go enough to get in some much needed oxygen. He had pulled me onto his lap and I can't say I minded one bit._

"_I'm really happy things are going so well for you, Sookie. I'm more then willing to wait, but now definitely works too." It was wonderful to see how happy he was and to know that I made him that happy. "Are you sure this isn't too much for you?"_

"_Yeah, I'm sure. It was getting ridiculous trying not to touch you and I figured that you'd probably recognize it if I started sliding backward in my progress anyway. I want to tell you more, but I just really want to enjoy today. So if you don't mind, maybe we can finish going over this in detail tomorrow." I knew I needed to tell Eric everything about my past, but just for one day I wanted normal. I liked him, he liked me and we were going to be happy. We would deal with all our history tomorrow. I was relieved when he agreed. _

_It was early November and getting colder, so I grabbed a sweater before we headed out. We didn't go anywhere special. He drove us to Lakeview Park and parked near the water. We got out and went for a walk. He put his arms across my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around his waist. We talked about so many things it was mind boggling. We discussed likes and dislikes over countless subjects. I found myself completely entranced with every piece of information about himself that he gave me. We didn't talk about our loses or the bad times from our pasts, we stuck to light subjects. I'm not sure how long we walked for, but when my stomach started growling we decided to head back to the car. We were shocked to see that it was close to 5 o'clock and was starting to get dark. He took me to a little burger joint, we sat by each other in a red vinyl booth and ordered milkshakes, fries and cheeseburgers. We both took turns staring at one another and stealing small kisses. It felt like we were magnets and couldn't keep from touching one another. It was my best day. _

_When he dropped me off at home, I begged him to stay and watch a movie. All the walking must have hit us at the same time because we both feel asleep watching the movie. I loved sleeping next to him, I never wanted this to change, but it did. And it changed all too soon._

I moved from my bed after remembering to the part I wanted to forget. I wanted to go back to then. I worried about Tray, but Eric, I didn't worry so much as felt overwhelming guilt and self hatred over our situation. Instead of going there I went to the kitchen to find that it had been fully stocked with everything I could want or need. There was enough food to make anything I wanted and even some pre-made meals. I was relieved to see the pre-made food, I didn't feel like cooking and with these hear I knew I would eat. I grabbed a large container of fruit and some sort sweet cinnamon bread. I pulled out some juice before taking all outside. It was so beautiful here. My thoughts were pulled to thinking about bringing Eric here and shook my head trying to clear it of thoughts that would lead to the self loathing ones.

I slowly started eating and thought back to all of the work I had done in the last couple of months. Claudine had warned my that there would inevitably be another bump in the road and how I handled it would be a true indicator of how well I was doing. My shame spiral started shortly after that thought. I am ashamed to admit that at that point I found myself storming back into my little house looking for any kind of alcohol I could use to shut up my mind. I began to hate Mr. Cataliades then. He had the house stocked with everything, but booze. Damn it!

I was now angry and didn't have anything to numb myself with. My mind was reeling with ways I could change my current situation, when I saw a note on the table addressed to me. I went over to it and stared at it for several minutes before picking it up to read it.

_Dear Sookie,_

_It pains me greatly that you are going through such a terrible time. You have always struck me as a strong and independent woman. I know that you will make it through these struggles, but I'd like to suggest that you allow those around you to help you through this time. I feel privileged that you let me help you in a small way by letting me help you gain some peace. I know that the people you have surrounded yourself with, a family of sorts, would feel just as privileged as I have. I will be awaiting your call and hope your time here to be the little bit a peace you were looking for._

_Your friend,_

_Mr. Cataliades _

God damn that man. I set the letter down and headed back to my room to throw on some running gear. I grabbed a bottle of water and headed down to the beach to go for a run. While I ran I thought over how much my life had changed. Not only over the last couple of months, but the last 6 years. I had done what I was told was impossible. I had made something of myself. I was better then what I came from. And the fact that I was here was proof that I had survived it all. I was now up to me to fight again, but this time I was stronger and knew who was in the wrong. It was them that had done something wrong not me!

With my new resolve intact I marched back up to my little house and started searching for something/ anything I could write on and with. After finding some stationary and a pen I went back outside and sat down at my little table and began to write.

I wrote time lines, thoughts, feelings and emotions. I wrote out exactly what had been done to me and how it has affected me. My life on paper read just like every other sexual abuse victim out there. It was just personal because those things had happened to me, not someone in the abstract. These horrible things were a part of my past and were now colliding with my present. It was up to me to stand up against them and fight. I poured everything into what I wrote and allowed myself to feel the pain and loss of the child I once was and when I got to the part of my life where I began to succeed despite the shit that was forced on me, I felt strong. It was getting dark when I stopped writing to take a break. I brought every last scrap of paper in with me. I grabbed some seafood salad out of the fridge and scarfed it down while standing at the counter. I was starving and this had to be the best seafood I had ever had. There must have been three full servings in the container, but I ate it all. I grabbed a bottle of ice tea and washed it down.

While I was eating I decided on my next course of action. I made my way back to my bedroom and rummaged through my unpacked bag. I found what I was looking for at the bottom of it. With my notebook in hand I made my way to the couch where I had left all of my earlier writings. I took a deep breath to steel my resolve and opened my dream journal.

EPOV

When Tray told me Sookie had taken off, I was petrified. Images of what she had been like at the hotel those short months ago flooded my mind. I begged him to tell me where she had gone, but he kept telling me that he didn't know. I had her, she was mine just 24 hours ago, she was mine. Now I feared that I was never going to see her again.

After the best day of my life I woke to the sound of voices arguing in the kitchen. I had fallen asleep on the couch with Sookie again, but I woke up alone. When I heard the voices I realized there was a major problem and wanted to help. Pam, Tray and Sookie fell silent when I entered the room.

"What's going on?" I asked, but from what I heard before, it sounded like the press caught hold of something and it was bad. Sookie wouldn't look at me and it was Pam that answered me.

"The press has nude photos of Sookie." I crossed the room to hold Sookie. But when I got there she pushed me away.

"Tell him the rest Pam." Sookie whispered.

"It seems that Rev. Newlin is the source." Pam stopped there and stared at Sookie, it almost looked like she was hoping she could stop there. Sookie looked up at Pam and glared. I watched Pam look ill before continuing. "I'm here to have Sookie look over the photos, so she can verify that they came from her uncle." She paused again and I watched Pam's eyes fill with tears before she began again. "Some of the photos were from him, and some weren't. She was a minor when those photos were taken." I watched silent tears fall from her face. I waited to hear where the others were from, but no one spoke.

"Pam…" I was cut off there by Sookie. Her voice held no emotion.

"I was just telling Pam and Tray where the other photos came from." She began and went on to tell us where the other photos came from. "Bill Compton was real good with computers and in high school to make some extra money he would fix peoples computers. My uncle had was having some troubles with his and hired Bill to take a look at it. While Bill was going through the computer he found some locked files on there and decided to hack into them. He found the photos and video Bartlett had of me." Her unemotional state broke there and I watched as she shuttered in her next breath. Tray tried to pull her into him and she refused to be touched by him as well.

She went on to tell us that Bill copied the files for himself and then confronted her with all that he knew. He threatened to tell everyone at school that she was a whore and took her clothes off for money. It didn't matter that there had only been a week left of school, his lies and "proof" would have ruined her in that small town. He told her he wouldn't tell anyone and would destroy all his evidence if she agreed to go out with him. "I asked him what Lorena would say about that, but he just told me Lorena knew her place and not to worry about her. I was petrified and didn't know what else to do, so I agreed. He said he'd tell me the details later on. School ended and of couple weeks had gone by and Bill hadn't said anything else, so I hoped he had changed his mind. A week before my birthday I got a bunch of flowers on my doorstep and instead of a card there was an invitation from Bill. He was formally asking me out for my birthday and would pick me up for dinner that day. I was creeped out that he was treating this like a real date considering he was blackmailing me.

The last 5 years I had been biding my time to get the hell out of Bon Temps and this dinner with Bill was going to be my last night there. My bags were packed and as soon I got home from this "date" I was leaving. I should of just left then, but I was stupid and worried about people finding out about what I let my uncle do. I shouldn't have cared what they thought, I should have left." I moved toward her again and she shook her head no. It stung that she wouldn't let me comfort her, but I understood that having someone touch you wasn't always comforting.

"He picked me up and took me to dinner at a nice restaurant. We didn't stay in Bon Temps because he didn't want to run into Lorena. At dinner Bill went on and on about how much he liked me and hoped that one day I might reciprocate his feelings. I was pretty much silent through it all. He prattled on about where he was going to college and what he wanted to do. When dinner was finally over we made our way back to the car. It was on the drive back I realized something was very wrong. Bill was droning on about how I would make a wonderful wife and how much he had always wanted me. I was fighting to stay awake, when I heard Bill say his parents were out of town and that he was so happy I had agreed to stay the night with him. I tried to open the door, but my body wasn't working." She stopped there. It was a while before she spoke again, none of us willing to interrupt what ever thoughts that were swirling through her head. When she finally did speak, it was as if she fast forwarded through what happened to her, while he had her. "He had me for 5 days before I was able to get away. I went to Sheriff Deerborn and he took me to the hospital, since there was no sign of trauma and since Bill was such an "upstanding young man" the sheriff let me leave with a warning about false accusations damaging peoples lives." Thoughts of Bill's photo albums flooded my mind and I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was ashamed of myself for my lack of control and hated myself more when I returned to find that Sookie had gone to her room and wanted to be left alone.

Pam was on the phone immediately telling the lawyers which photos were of Sookie as a minor. Those photos would be taken down immediately and Rev. Newlin was going to be getting looked at by the FBI for his involvement in distributing child pornography. They needed to link this all back to Bill and Bartlett so she could go after them. What Pam found out shocked us all.

**Sorry for any errors. Hope there aren't too many. And as always thanks to all of you who take the time to review, you're all fabulous! **


	14. Chapter 14

EPOV

I stayed at Sookie's watching everything as it unfolded. My instincts were screaming at me to drive to Bon Temps and beat the shit out of Bill, but I knew my getting arrested for murder wasn't going to help anyone. So instead I stayed in hopes that I could be of some help. Pam was speaking with the bands lawyer, Mr. Cataliades. He guaranteed her that before the call was over all of the pictures of Sookie as a minor would be taken down and that the others may take up to 24 hours before they were off the internet. I knew that since this information had hit the world wide web it wouldn't ever be truly gone. I just hoped that once the general public realized that Sookie was a victim they wouldn't go after her. After Pam got off of the phone she asked me to go get everything I had on Compton and bring it back here.

Leaving Sookie was incredibly hard to do, but I knew Pam needed everything now. Leaving also allowed me to realize the size of the current shit storm Sookie was now thrown into. People on the radio were discussing the photos. The station I was listening to frequently played True Blood's music, so I wasn't surprised to hear that they were in her corner. They were talking about how depraved Rev. Newlin must be to actually publish photos of that nature whether Sookie was a minor or not. It was really ridiculous that a man who had started a campaign against Sookie because of her sexual displays on stage to turn around and release nude pictures of her. No one knew how he got them and Newlin's camp had gone quiet. That fucker, must have realized that he fucked up big time.

When I got home I turned on the TV to get a better understanding of what the general public thought. True Blood was even on the little ticker on CNN. None of the news programs were showing any version of the pictures, they were reporting Rev. Newlin's failed attempt to hurt the band. The reports sighted that the FBI was now involved since the photos were of a minor. The reporters seemed to be solemn when speaking of what occurred. No speculations were made as to why there were pictures of Sookie as a minor, but that was because of the statement Pam put out for Sookie. Which said they appreciated the support of the FBI in this private matter. With that I grabbed what I needed and headed back to Sookie's.

I handed everything over to Pam and went to find Tray in the living room watching the news reports and answering the never ending texts he seemed to be getting on his phone. Nobody asking what happened, just friends if his or Sookie's checking to see if they needed anything.

"Has she been down?" I asked.

"No, not yet. I went up there after you left and I think she's sleeping. I put a call into Claudine and she said just keep an eye on her and call her if Sookie wants to talk to her or if I think she needs to come over. Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, anything."

"What made you lose it? I don't think it's because you see her any different, but I just need to make sure you're not gonna hurt her, man. She really likes you and if you're gonna bail on her over this, do it now, instead of stringing her along."

"No, its got nothing to do with me bailing. It had more to do with the interview I did with Compton. Some things just clicked together for me from the interview." I reassured him. He looked both relieved and worried at the same time. I am assuming the relief came from the fact I wasn't bailing and the worry from what happened in that interview.

"I'm not sure I wanna know what you know." He said.

"How about I just tell you that you're right, you don't wanna know and I wish I didn't know. I told Pam and she'll take it from there." It was then that Pam came in and flopped down on the couch in between us.

"I have bad news." Pam sighed. Tray and I went rigid. "Bartlett's dead and Bill is no where to be found. So even though Rev. Newlin sang like a canary about where he got the computer with all those pictures on them we are in a holding pattern until Bill is found. The computer was Bartlett's and was "donated" by Bill." I was worried immediately about Bill's whereabouts and wanted to give Sookie a heads up. I moved to head upstairs and Tray said he wanted to be the one to tell her. Since he had been her support for so long I decided not to say anything about it, but asked him to tell her I was here if she needed me.

"If the Feds have the computer are they going to be able to tell when the photos were taken?" I asked Pam.

"Yeah I think so. It should definitely help with the earlier ones. And hopefully it will help prove that the others were taken without her consent as well." We both sat in contemplative silence after that. I wondered how Sookie was going to rebound from this and selfishly where it left us.

Tray came down 5 minutes later. "She's still not answering. I'm not sure how long I should leave her alone for. The door's locked and I couldn't hear anything." He sighed.

"She needs time Tray, she's done a lot of work. We need to trust her to come to us when she's ready." I told him. Little did I know how much I would end up regretting telling him that.

Around noon the rest of the band showed up with food for Tray and Sookie. It was just Alcide and Sam, they said Maria-Star and Daphne would be along later that night. We all ate quietly and Tray went upstairs again to let Sookie know who was here and that there was food, if she was hungry. When he returned he just shook his head no, that she hadn't said anything. Tray decided to call Claudine again and she agreed with my earlier statement about letting Sookie come to us when she was ready.

After lunch Pam briefed the band on what to say if they were approached. Then we all made our way back into the living room to see if things had settled down. Nothing new was being said and it was in-between newscasts, so Tray left it on E!, just in case. Around 3, Lafayette showed up.

"Sookie's not answering her phone and I needed to know hows she doin." He spilled out as soon as I opened the door. It wasn't until I closed the door after inviting Lafayette in that I realized the complete lack of reporters outside. I needed to ask Pam how she accomplished that. I caught Laf up on Sookie being in her room and not coming out just yet. Tray invited him to sit down and wait if he wanted to. I went to find Pam.

She was in the kitchen, sitting at the table with her head in her hands. "You doing ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, I can't complain." She kept her head down and talked into the able. "I mean it's not like I was abused by my last family member after losing all of my other family, then abducted and raped by a man I grew up with on my 18th birthday and then exploited again by both of those men and a religious zealot to top it all off." She finally looked up then. Her eyes were red and puffy. "Am I a bad person? Did I exploit her too?"

"No Pam, you didn't exploit her. You helped her believe in herself. She knows you're a just a bitch." I smiled at her hoping to cheer her up. Instead she just started crying.

"That's what I mean, she doesn't deserve to be treated that way." She squeaked out. Pam crying was frightening to say the least.

"Pam you treated her like everyone else you know. Treating her differently would have been wrong. She told me she worried that she had used you and now you're worried that you used her. Should I be concerned that maybe you feel more for her then you're letting on?"

"No, there's nothing between us like that. I think that I just feel bad for her, I know what happened to you was horrible, but it doesn't seem to keep coming after you the way it does her." She quickly sucked in a breath of air in then. "Oh god, Eric, I'm so sorry. I'm such a bitch, I mean, I know I'm a bitch, but discounting what you went through was just wrong, I'm so sorry." What the hell, a crying and apologizing Pam. I needed to get the hell away from her and warn the others that the world was ending. I decided to give it one more try before I bailed on Pam's newly forming persona.

"Are you pregnant?" With that I was slapped, hard, across my shoulder.

"Bite you fucking tongue, Northman." And with that Pam was back. And I could talk to her about what I came in here for in the first place. After lifting up my shirt sleeve to inspect the now glowing hand print left behind by my best friend.

"So now that you're all better," she glared at me then, "I was wondering, how come this place isn't plagued with reporters?" I asked and she smiled her scary Pam smile.

"Because, I'm awesome. This place is owned by a "company" and my house is in Sookie's name. So as we speak all those pesky reporters are swarming around my home. Which is why I'm here. And when I head home they'll just assume I'm there to see Sookie." Yes, Pam was worth every penny she earned.

Daphne and Maria-Star showed up with dinner around 6 and even though the house was pretty full at this point it was very quiet. After dinner Tray went upstairs again to try and persuade Sookie to come out. When he came down he looked slightly better. I looked behind him to see if Sookie was there.

"She's still not talking, but I heard her moving around in there. It sounded like she came to the door, but I don't think she's ready to be around anyone yet." He said with the small amount of relief he felt evident on his face.

Almost everyone stuck around and Tray made up the guest rooms for Alcide and Sam. Laf headed home promising to call Pam immediately if he heard anything about Compton's whereabouts. I decided to stay on the couch, I didn't feel right leaving until I explained to Sookie why I had the reaction I did.

The next morning proved to be as bad as the morning before. I woke up to Tray making coffee. He nodded to me as I joined him in the kitchen. After the coffee was done brewing we decided to head out to the backyard so we didn't wake up anyone else. Tray and I sat down and I couldn't keep my eyes from looking toward Sookie's window. What I saw nearly had my heart jump out of my chest. Her window was open and the screen was laying on the roof. I set my coffee down and made my way over to the tree that would get me up there. Tray had watched what I was doing and it didn't take him long to figure out what I had seen. Coffee forgotten he made his way back into the house and I made my way up the tree and into to Sookie's room. By the time I got in there Tray was at the door. I quickly let him in and we started looking around the room for any sign that Sookie left a note. It was obvious she wasn't in there. My stomach rolled with fear at the realization that Compton might have her. One look at Tray and I knew he had come to the same conclusion I had.

He called the police immediately and they told him that they would send someone over, but if there wasn't any evidence that she'd been taken, we couldn't file a missing persons report until she was gone for 24 hours. I stood there while he called Pam and she said she said would call the FBI that were currently working on her case. The police showed up an hour later and did their "investigation." Since there was no sign of forced entry or a struggle and the fact that the screen was pushed out and not in they concluded Sookie left of her own free will. Pissed that they couldn't do anything I left the room. I went back outside and tried to think of something I could do to help. Hours went by and there still wasn't any new information. Finally around 2 o'clock there was a knock on the door, there was a young man standing there looking for Tray Dawson. In his hand he had a letter. Tray thanked him and Pam gave him a tip. Tray quickly read the letter.

"She took off." He said and I watched his jaw clench.

"Where'd she go?" I asked.

"I don't know."

"You know something Tray, please just tell me where she is." I begged. "I promise I won't go after her, if she doesn't want me to, just tell me."

"I don't know!" He shoved the letter at Pam before storming out of the room. I heard the door to his room slam shut and my heart dropped to my stomach. My attention was quickly brought back to Pam when she sucked in an 'oh thank god!'

Sookie had left voluntarily, but her note didn't say where she went. Pam was on the phone with the hotel the stationary came from, Sookie had already checked out. Then Pam called their lawyer. She was hoping he could get quicker access to Sookie's accounts, so we might be able to find her. I allowed myself to hope that we were about to find her when Pam started yelling at him for not stopping Sookie from leaving. Apparently Sookie had called her lawyer and he knew where she was. Pam isn't usually told no and isn't accustomed to not getting her way, so by the time she was off of the phone she was irate. Bitching about stupid fucking attorney/client privileges. She was then immediately on the phone with the FBI. Trying to find out if they knew Sookie's whereabouts. Apparently they had already been in contact with Mr. Cataliades and were aware that Sookie left of her own free will.

I was having mixed feelings, I was relieved she was okay, but petrified that she was out there somewhere and so was Bill. I went outside and called an old buddy of mine that worked somewhere in the government. He was never forthcoming about who he worked for and I didn't feel the need to push the issue. There was no answer so I had no choice but to leave him a message telling him it was urgent.

It took him forever to call me back. I paced the yard trying to not be pissed that I couldn't get any information from anyone. And when he finally did call I tried not to freak out on him for taking so damn long.

"Hey Clancy, it's Northman."

"Hey Eric, long time no talk. What can I do for ya?" He asked.

"I'm looking for someone."

"Aren't we all? I'm not a matchmaker, but my cousin was always really interested in you." He joked and I shuttered at the memory of his cousin, who looked just like him, facial hair and all.

"No, thank you. Actually I'm looking for Susannah Stackhouse."

"I don't know Eric, you know I don't mind helping you out, but you've never asked me to help you do the sleazy paparazzi thing."

"I'm not Clancy. She's my girlfriend and with the current shit storm surrounding her she took off without telling anyone where she was headed."

"Maybe she just needs a break, poor girl. Why don't you just let her have some space. Isn't there a saying about loving something and setting it free…" I clenched my jaw trying to keep my patience. Clancy was the odd man out given that he worked for the government and still had a conscience. So if I couldn't convince him I was SOL. I also couldn't lose my shit or he'd never agree to help me out.

"I have no problem with that, but the guy that started all this is missing and I'd hate for him to find her before we do. Please Clancy, if he wasn't out there I wouldn't have even called you." I probably would have, but he would have definitely turned me down.

"Yeah, I'll do it. Give me a couple hours and I'll get back to you with whatever I can find."

"Thanks Clancy, I owe you."

I paced the back yard for the three hours. My eyes constantly going back to her window. I obsessed about stopping Tray from breaking down the door earlier. I obsessed over not thinking to climb up that damn tree last night to talk to her. I continued obsessing over every little thing I could have/ should have done differently for the next hour. My phone hadn't rung yet and my mind started reeling with what would happen to Sookie if Bill got his hands on her again. It turning dark again and somehow that made the whole situation worse. Why was it looking for someone in broad daylight less scary then trying to find them at night, maybe I watch too many horror movies.

My phone rang 3 hours 34 minutes later. Clancy was able to find out that Sookie took a flight from Shreveport to Georgia and from there she headed to the British Virgin Islands. She took out several thousand dollars from her bank account, but paid for her room at the same hotel the note came from with her credit card. I was fucked that she decided to head down to the islands, she could have taken a boat anywhere, hell she could be on a boat. I asked Clancy if he could get a bead on Compton, but he pointed out that if the FBI were already looking for him then there wasn't much more he could do. I sat down and tried to figure out if I should head down there to find her. And then if I was lucky enough to even find her, how would she respond to being found when she clearly didn't want to be.

SPOV

Reading the words on the page allowed me a certain amount of separation. The experience of being drugged and helpless was in the past. The girl that it had happened to didn't fit in with the woman I had become. I wasn't her. I had survived it all. Page after page had afforded me a desensitization to it all. I silently acknowledged it to being part of my past, but not who I am.

And then I got to my last entry. It reaffirmed for me how far I had come. I was dreaming again. I laid down and closed my eyes and instead of seeing the nightmare, I saw the dream.

I slept peacefully and woke up happy. I felt determined and had a plan. Plans are wonderful things especially when things are going to hell. And I had several of them. It was wonderful to stop focusing on the problem and moving onto the solution. I was a fighter after all and fight was what I was going to do.

First things first, I called Claudine. She is my therapist after all. Which means I was paying her to be my sounding board. It was odd to feel that I had placed trust in someone that I had only meet a couple months before. I was lucky she wasn't with a client and took my call immediately.

After making sure I was alright I proceeded to tell her how I planned to handle my latest mind fuck. She whole heartedly agreed that what I came up with was suitable. We spent close to an hour going over everything. I was even able to discuss what happened with Bill. After hanging up with Claudine I called Pam. I was fully prepared to get my ass chewed out.

"Sookie, are you okay. Pease tell me you're okay." She cried into the phone. I stopped myself from asking if this was really Pam.

"Yeah Pam, I'm doing alright. I'm sorry I took off. Is Tray okay?"

"Well he was freaking out until your note got here, but now I think he's either really pissed or just hurt. He went to his room and slammed the door shut, I haven't seen him since." I tried to push away my feelings of guilt, I did this for me. I admit to going about it wrong, but I needed this.

"Okay." I said and decided to let it go until I talked to Tray myself. "Okay, Pam I need you to find a recording studio down here, I'm about 6 songs deep, but what I've got so far I'm not exactly sure how it fits with the one from the other night." God, had that only been a couple of nights ago.

"Well aren't you pushy. Here we've all been worried about you and you've been off somewhere writing." Cranky Pam, thank god, I'm used to cranky, pissed off Pam, not crying Pam.

"And here I thought you'd be happy that I wasn't off just gallivanting around. That'll teach me to work when you expect me to be off playing." I quipped back. "Listen Pam, I am sorry I put you all through that. And I know you've been listening to me apologize for fucking up, a lot, over the years, but Pam I did what I thought was right for me. I'm not sorry I left, just the way I went about it. So please can we get passed this and get some work out of this fucked up situation?"

"Hmm, well since you put it that way, I guess I better get to work. It is what you pay me for after all. I do have one question though."

"Yes, Pam and what would that be?" I asked.

"Where the fuck is there?" She wasn't mad. She was just trying to help me change the tenor of our conversation. I told her where I was at and she informed that the island I was on didn't have a studio, not surprising to me at all. "There is one on Tortola though. The guys will be happy to here about the location change." She sighed. "Why couldn't you pick somewhere with better shopping Sookie?" She whined and I laughed. "Okay let me get this together and I'll call you back with your transportation info and where you're heading. And Sookie, I really am glad that you're okay." With that she hung up. My next call was to Tray.

I wasn't prepared for him not to answer. I had taken for granted that he had always been there for me and I feared that I had finally pushed him away. My heart dropped when I listened as the recording started asking me to leave a message.

"Hey Tray, it's me. I know I hurt you and I'm real sorry I took off without telling you. I needed to get away from everything and I'm okay. I talked to Pam and she's setting some things up. Um….," I couldn't keep the tears at bay and my voice began to tighten, "listen Tray…" My phone beeped then with an incoming call, I briefly glanced at the caller ID to see Tray's number come across the display. "Listen Tray I gotta go cause you're calling me on the other line." And I clicked over hoping my machine hadn't answered his call.

"Tray?"

"Sookie, are you okay?" He sounded panicked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay." I sucked in a calming breathe, trying to get a grip. "Are you okay? Are we okay?"

"I'm fine, just worried for you Shug. Of course we're okay. Nothing can change that, I'm always gonna be here for you. We're all here for you, we're your family." He reassured me and I lost it. Tears started streaming down my face and I sniffled loudly. I had been hit with the realization that I may have lost loved ones along the way, but I had gained more then I had lost. And I wanted and needed my family. "Aw Shug, don't cry. It's okay, really. Just tell me where you're at so I can come get you."

"I just got off the phone with Pam. She arranging for all y'all to come to Tortola." I was trying in vain to mop up my tears with a paper towel and failing miserably. "I've been trying to process all this and got some new material out of it. I want to get into the studio as soon as possible. Is that okay? Can you guys do that?" I sounded like I was begging because I was, I needed him here.

"Yeah, Shug. Let me find out what Pam's got lined up and I'll be on my way as soon as I can. Listen Sookie you need to be careful til I can get down there." My body went on alert instantly, I could hear the fear in his voice.

"What's going on Tray?"

"God, I wish you called Rasul or one of the other guys to go down there with you." My heart was beating out of my chest at this point, not knowing what was happening and knowing Tray wanted me to have security with me was sending my brain into overload. "Pam's been working with the FBI and they discovered that Bill was the leak. They went to go pick him and your uncle up, but your uncle was found dead and Bill's missing. That's all I know. There looking for him, Shug. But I really don't like the idea of him being out there and you not being protected." My head spun and I felt nauseas, god what had I done. I was so stupid.

"What am I suppose to do Tray?"

"Let me talk to Pam. Maybe the hotel down there can give us a name for some security there." He was trying to calm me down.

"I'm not at a hotel. I'm on one of the smaller islands, staying in a private home." I was panicking. My hands were shaking and wet.

"Just sit tight, Shug. We'll get someone over there. I'll call you back with the details."

"Okay, call me back." I hung up with Tray and slumped down on the floor. I needed someone to calm me down, but Tray was trying to get things taken care off. Eric… oh god, Eric. I needed to call him. Would he even take my call? After he found out about Bill he ran to the bathroom to throw up. I sat there looking at the phone in my hand trying to summon the courage to find out whether Eric really want to deal with this. It took a half hour to decide that I'd rather know for sure then to assume how Eric was feeling.

EPOV

I sat and thought about staying here knowing where she kind of was and that Bill could know and be after her. I decided that it was better to be there, not knowing exactly where she was, just in case something happened I would be as close as I could get. I called the airline to find out how the hell to get there. I got lucky and paid an obscene amount of money for the last ticket on a flight leaving in an hour and a half to Georgia and from there I'd fly into Tortola. I ran in the house to find Pam and she wasn't there. I ran upstairs and found Tray crashed out on his bed holding his phone in his hand. I reached out to wake him and realized he needed the sleep and knowing I was on my way somewhere near Sookie and he couldn't go seemed kind of like a dick move. With that decided, I scribbled out a note as fast as I could, telling him I knew a guy that found out Sookie was somewhere in the BVIs and I was going there in case anything happened. I told him I bought the last ticket and to call me when he woke up.

I drove as fast as possible to my house to grab a carry on. I was in and out in under 5 minutes. I started my car remembering that I needed my passport and ran back in to grab it, cursing myself the whole time. I made it to the airport and tried not to look like I was on crack while I waited "patiently" in every single line they put you through. The security check proved to be the biggest challenge. Getting off my boots had never been an issue before, but halfway through unlacing the first one I was ready to grab a pair of scissors to cut the laces and look for flip flops at one of the nearby vendors. After finally pulling them off and sending them through the x-ray machine I again waited "patiently" as the lovely, elderly couple ahead of me began to slowly redress at the end of the conveyor belt, instead of moving over to the conveniently placed tables that most travelers used. I tried to wait calmly, but gave up and shoved my way through them to grab my bin, apologizing the entire time. I slid my boots on leaving the laces undone, grabbed my bag and took off toward my assigned gate. I have never been more grateful for my height advantage. I could easily see my way through the slow moving crowd and my long legs allowed me to cover ground quickly. I was closing in on the gate when I heard the last announcement for the flight.

I was sweaty and anxious when I made it to the counter, the woman behind the counter sized me up, deciding my fate. I gave her my best grin and winked and when I saw her blush I knew I had her. I was the last person onboard a full flight and my eyes quickly searched for the last remaining seat. Of course it was a middle seat in between Dawn Green and another woman I didn't recognize. Dawn was waving frantically at me.

"Eric, are you going to Atlantic City too. What a coincidence seeing you here like this. It must be fate." I cringed and sat down next to her, trying to convince myself that I could make it through the hour long flight. I could do this, it was for Sookie after all. "This is my friend Tiffany." I smiled at her and nodded my head as my hello. "Tiffany this is Eric, remember the one I told you about?" She questioned her friend. Why the hell did that have to sound so ominous?

"Did you two wanna sit next to each other, I don't mind, really?" I asked Tiffany. Please say yes, please say yes.

"Oh no, Eric you aren't getting away from me this time." Dawn supplied. My mind just kept repeating itself 'be afraid, be very afraid.' "So you didn't answer my question." She pouted.

"Yeah, I'm headed to Atlantic City." I lied. No fucking way was I letting her know where the hell I was going. Dawn decided that was her cue to put her hand on my thigh. FUCK!

"So where are you staying?" She purred into my ear. And if that wasn't enough her friend decided to join in.

"So, you're that Eric." Tiffany leaned in to me and put her hand on my other thigh. "You can stay with us." She hissed into my ear.

"No thank you." I stated plainly and removed both of their hands from me. "I'm not interested and I have a girlfriend." At least I still hoped I did.

"Oh come on Eric, I know you want to. Don't be like that and play the fake girlfriend card." Dawn whispered in my ear as her hands started traveling up my arm.

"Not fake, I have a very real girlfriend."

"Oh Eric, I know you were never the settling down kind of guy, so please don't treat me like I'm stupid." With everything that I am I avoid going for the easy insult over her intelligence and tell that I did in fact have a girlfriend regardless of what she thought she knew about me. "So if she's so real what's her name?"

Fuck I walked into that one. I couldn't really tell her I was in a relationship with Sookie. She took my silence as my admission that I had lied and began her assault on my body again.

Okay I couldn't do 60 minutes, I couldn't. I hit the flight attendant button overhead and waited patiently. We were already in the air so I wasn't sure what they could do, but I had hope that they could do something, damn it!

"Yes sir, how can I help you?" The flight attendant, an older woman with grayish brown hair named Thalia approached and took in my current situation with a bit of disgust on her face. It wasn't hard to figure out that she was getting the wrong idea, since Dawn and Tiffany were both hanging on to me and running their free hands on my chest and leg. So when I responded to the flight attendant, her shock was apparent.

"Sorry to bother you, but these ladies are refusing to keep their hands to themselves." Dawn and Tiffany seemed to finally get a large dose of the reality that I wasn't interested in them. They hadn't bothered to remove their hands from me, they just froze.

"I'm sorry sir, do you not know these… ladies." It was hard not to laugh at the small woman before me. The way she said the word "ladies," sounded more like she was spitting out the word whores.

"Actually I do know one of them. I had a retraining order against Ms. Green here, but I'm afraid it has expired. This is the first time I've "met" her friend." Dawn and Tiffany had finally let me go and were sitting as far away from me as they could get with looks of absolute outrage. Like I gave a shit.

"Well sir, I'm sorry to say, but the flight is full." At that Dawn let out a triumphant humph. Which seemed to irritate our flight attendant just as much as myself. "Let me see what I can do." She offered and turned to leave. At the last second she stopped and turned to me. "You better come with me." She gave the "ladies" behind me a disgusted look before leading me to the galley.

**So I am sitting here in total irritation with myself, trying to figure out why Mr. C didn't stop Sookie from flying to NY. He picked the BVIs for her. Shouldn't he have said hey wait just go to GA first, they're an international airline. So I have spent a long time going over the story trying to fix my HUGE timeline problem. I went back and changed NY to GA. So if you read the last chapter and are under the impression Sookie went to NY first, just pretend it was the most magical airplane ride ever and she got to the BVIs in a few hours, not an all nighter. **

**Think I bit off more then I could chew, yeah me too.**

**On a super shitty note, there was suppose to be more to this chapter. But I have to take my pregnant baby sister to the hospital because her baby doesn't have a heart beat and her poor husband is on the other side of the planet working, trying to get home as soon as possible. I'll was going to add to the chapter but in my current frame of mind I'm very afraid of what would happen to Eric and or Sookie. And really what the hell else could I do to that poor girl?**

**Thanks for your patience and reviews. I miss them so much!**


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